Why has he come back? (long sorry)

Former Member

Ok abit of background, my ex finished me last october, it was only a short relationship but it was both our first serious one if you get me? He lives in the south though and im in notts so it was a long distance thing cause we originally met on the net. So, it ended last october, obviously i was gutted - things were awful for a while then we started talking again on the net. It would still get abit awkward at times but we were getting there. Then april/may time he told me his mum and step dad were splitting and him and his mum were moving out at some point, he'd also lost his job a few months earlier so things weren't too good. Then may this year was the last i heard from him. He stopped coming online so i textd him a few times but no answer. I figured he'd moved away and probably didn't want to know me anymore.....

So....monday night i suddenly get an anonymous comment in my lj, then a few others and it turns out it was him!! Saying he'd been back to bournemouth peir where we wrote our names and the date when we met for the first time a few weeks earlier, and he'd spent 2 hours reading all of my journal. So i managed to get talking to him and we spoke on msn for a little while, turns out he was at work (working in a warehouse). I asked him how he found my lj and he said he'd looked at my old one on another website and i'd last updated in april saying i had a lj. So he found the site and did loads of searches till he found me, then spent 2 hours reading it all!! I was amazed. We beifly touched on the split and he admitted he was still feeling abit 'lost'.
I asked him what had been happening all this time and he said too much had happened and he didn't have time to explain there and then, so we're gonna talk again soon.

I'm just wondering, why did he make such a huge effort to find me? He never has before, it was usually me contacting him. My friends said that he probably still has feelings for me. Any thoughts?

Former Member

I think he does still like you but sorta forgot about you and moved on with his life, then maybe one day he was just daydreaming and you popped up in his head so he decided to get in contact with you again.

Former Member

Exs seem to do this sometimes. I have one who i bumped into by chance a couple of times in clubs and he started texting me again. Died down again though after a bit. Guess its a bit strange when that happens. Guess its down to memories being triggered. Hes probably just been looking back a bit.

Former Member

probably because he went back to the park and the peir - he did say it was wishful thinking he guessed

Former Member

Ballerina wrote:

probably because he went back to the park and the peir - he did say it was wishful thinking he guessed

yeah a lot of people do that. when i pass through certain places, i sometimes think of past memories.

Former Member

ive just been speaking to him on msn, turns out he'd been through a rough time and got depressed and attempted suicide, and i've been through similar. Looks like he's getting back on track now though.

Former Member

If he is experiencing a parental separation he may be trying to find someway of cementing his emotions after his parents split up.

He might see you as an adhesive to bond the division he may be experiencing in his soul, and make him feel whole.

Former Member

his mum and step dad are still living together, but aren't really together anymore, he said his mum will be leaving after xmas but isn't sure if he's going with her or not, but he's not staying with his step dad

Former Member

Dont let him unload all his problems onto you. It will probably make things worse for you in the long run. Ive found exs sometimes come running back when they want emotional support for something, which just makes you feel like a doormat in the end!

Former Member

i know what you mean, but i do genuinly care for him and we had such a strong bond. I've been through similar so i dont want others to go through the same. He's not the type to suddenly unload everything though, he's always polite and doesnt say anything unless you ask.

Former Member

whatever happens, explore your feelings, trust your instinct and value the friendship!