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splitting up with husband

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just if it's any comfort... my parents split up and are still friends... they get on so much better now they're not living together. Just saying it can be done amicably and I hope it isn't too hard for you both.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how crap :/

    hope things work out, sooner or later. i know it's not likely to be sooner.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *is shocked*

    I dunno why though, I hardly know you...

    Anyway, get in touch with the housing assoc/council now and get an idea of what their views would be - otherwise you are just storing up problems, you know what civil servants are like.

    Hope all goes well, I know you want to keep it amicable but make sure that you protect yourself and your child's interests. Don't go for the easy option if either of those are compromised...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you want to keep it amicable but make sure that you protect yourself and your child's interests. Don't go for the easy option if either of those are compromised...

    That's my concern too. I've seen this happen before.

    In fact I think you really ought to get some legal advice Abbie. Just to know where you stand. You probably won't feel like it because it doesn't seem real yet, and you probably don't think you need it, but, well, forgive me for being pushy but I think you really should.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hugs* hope you are as ok as you can be x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just want to add that it is vitally important that you go and talk to the advisers at Shelter, Abbie.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive phoned up relate and left a message. Hopefully theyll get back to me today.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive phoned up relate and left a message. Hopefully theyll get back to me today.

    I'm confused. Do you think he'll go with you then? Or will you just go by yourself?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hes not too keen as hes a bit anti counselling, and he thinks that relates mainly for unfriendly marriages. Ive told him to keep an open mind about it.
    I just think that we at least have to try it, for Lennys sake if nothing else.
    I think if he leaves me he will be making a mistake tbh. Hes also got to find out if his lack of feelings are part of his depression symptoms or whether theyre real. He needs to get his depression under some sort of control, because at the moment he is having a really low patch anyway, so how on earth is he going to feel overwhelming love for anyone.
    Of course it could be all real, but at least we`ll have tried.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, ok, I see. I think you're being very sensible, you will at least have no misgivings that you didn't do everything you possibly could and to be honest although I didn't want to say it, I did wonder if he'd realise what he had when he didn't have it anymore, once he'd moved out and had a chance to miss you both.

    Of course, there is always the possibility that it won't change anything in the end, as you said.

    If he eventually refuses to go with you, go by yourself. For one thing it will probably hekp you sort your head out anyway and for another, many times one partner starts off doing this and the other follows on a few weeks later.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Cuddles* Just keep strong, we're all here for you darling xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Had our appointment with relate last night. To be honest, although the guy was nice enough, it didnt bring up anything that we hadnt talked about in the last few weeks whilst waiting for our appointment anyway. I feel like Im coming to terms with it more and have realised that its been pretty shit for a long time, and ive just been kidding myself that it will somehow get better, whilst just accepting it and plodding along.
    Were taking it slowly, and were still getting along and being affectionate, but we know its going to end.
    Are going to do up the house a bit to sell, but arent planning to actually move out till next year.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish you the best of luck with it all! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it's any consolation, I'd like to add my own "sorry" to the pile. Hope you're ok. x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well I thought I was coping really well, but got sent home today from my placement (first day back) because I kept crying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really, really sorry to hear that :( I hope things get sorted for you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel like I should say something but I don't quite know what to say.

    Living in the same house when you've already split is hard because you're kind of in limbo, you can't start to move on or make your own life. I know because I was in the same position for 10 months.

    Just be kind to yourself eh?

    And on the subject of Relate - I know of a fair few people who said that they thought there wasn't much point to it until a few sessions in. Maybe you shouldn't give up on it yet, even if it's only to help you work through your feelings about the situation. Just a thought.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miffy wrote:
    And on the subject of Relate - I know of a fair few people who said that they thought there wasn't much point to it until a few sessions in. Maybe you shouldn't give up on it yet, even if it's only to help you work through your feelings about the situation. Just a thought.
    i think a lot of counselling is like that tbh. you don't get to the deep stuff until you exhausted all the superficial stuff. having said that though, i think if you can be completly open and honest with your feelings with each other and work it out between yourselves then thats much better - and all credit to you. but divorce is a bit of a rough ride... may be it might help just to have some other support?! i really do feel for you RB and i hope you are okay... or ay least as okay as you can be. look after yourself and take care.
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