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Girlfriend still has photo's of her EX BF..Should i be worried ?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all, i have some thing on my mind which i hope you can help me with.
Ive been going out with my current girlfriend for around 9 months now, im 20, she is 25.
A few months back she was clearing things out of her room and i noticed some photos of her with her ex boyfriend, whom she was with for 3 years. I didnt say any thing to her at the time, but the photos have stuck in my head since for some reason. Today i decided to ask her about them, i asked if she still had pics of her ex and she said yes, i then asked why and she said for the memories and that she doesnt want to chuck away that part of her life. Still sounds wierd to me as i cant get my head around why some one would want to keep photos of an ex boyfriend when 1..your with some 1 else , and 2...the ex walked out on her. She then got annoyed with me keep asking her why she keeps them and told me to fuck off.
Since then i have spoken to her via text messaging and i said im sorry for asking about the photos but cant understand why she has them and that if she was in my position she wouldnt be too happy. She replied and said that i have nothing to worry about, nothing will come between us and that she loves me.
Still tho, its playing in my head that she still has pics of her ex boyfriend, does any one think im being stupid ? and could some one give me advice, cos i know for sure i dont and wouldnt want to keep pics of ex partners once in a new relationship, especially 9 months in to it.
Thanks!
Ive been going out with my current girlfriend for around 9 months now, im 20, she is 25.
A few months back she was clearing things out of her room and i noticed some photos of her with her ex boyfriend, whom she was with for 3 years. I didnt say any thing to her at the time, but the photos have stuck in my head since for some reason. Today i decided to ask her about them, i asked if she still had pics of her ex and she said yes, i then asked why and she said for the memories and that she doesnt want to chuck away that part of her life. Still sounds wierd to me as i cant get my head around why some one would want to keep photos of an ex boyfriend when 1..your with some 1 else , and 2...the ex walked out on her. She then got annoyed with me keep asking her why she keeps them and told me to fuck off.
Since then i have spoken to her via text messaging and i said im sorry for asking about the photos but cant understand why she has them and that if she was in my position she wouldnt be too happy. She replied and said that i have nothing to worry about, nothing will come between us and that she loves me.
Still tho, its playing in my head that she still has pics of her ex boyfriend, does any one think im being stupid ? and could some one give me advice, cos i know for sure i dont and wouldnt want to keep pics of ex partners once in a new relationship, especially 9 months in to it.
Thanks!
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Comments
On the other hand, if she's keeping them in a clingy tearful "I just can't do it, they mean a lot to me, the memories etc" then I'd possibly raise my eyebrow. But you're the one in the relationship and if she hasn't given you any other signals that she misses her ex, or wants to be with him etc, then I wouldn't be too worried.
Is it just the pictures you're worried about or has she done anything else to give you concern about the ex? Either way, best thing to do is just sit down and talk to her face to face, explaining why you were upset etc, and take it from there.
She split 2 and a half years ago with her ex, i dont have any concerns really about it to the extent of her cheating on me or any thing, i just dont understand why she would want to keep memories of a guy who walked out on her. If that was me , those pics would be in the bin. She says shes keeping them becuase it was a big part of her life at the time.
I personally have pics of my ex and the ex before him in my room, they're tucked away along with other personal symbols of those relationships - gifts, letters, drawings etc...I don't keep them because I wanna get back with one of them...I keep them as momento's of my previous relationships. They don't reflect on my current relationship but I shouldn't have to dispose of the important things that mattered when I was in those relationship because they have no affect, bearing or relevance on my current relationship. And, they're mine. The name on the cards, the letters is mine, the gifts were given to me, the photo's were taken by me/by him, by someone who was around when the relationship existed.
Don't get hung up on it. Don't go down hard on her for having them. She shouldn't be made to feel like you being intimidated by pics of her past relationship makes her a bad person for having them. She loves you. Now. And that's what you should be focusing on. Not a picture of her and her past relationship which she's not in anymore.
:yes:
it's true, you know. if they're in a box, in a cupboard somewhere, where's the harm?
i'd be offended if my other half started flaunting pictures of exes, or had them on the wall, but not just if he had them.
yeah, i wouldnt
some people just like to look back on their lives when they get older, i know i like to look over old stuff from my history
my mum has photos of her first boyfriend, from when she was about 15. she is now in her late 40's; doesnt mean she wants that boyfriend back! its just something to look back on and remember whether good or bad
Have you tried talking about how you dont like them? I bet she wouldnt like it if you had pics oh your ex :no:
Don't tell her to chuck them, just tell her how you feel, how they make you feel insecure and you worry that it's a sign that she's not over her ex and perhaps has stronger feelings for him then you. You should never be made to feel bad about expressing your feelings, not matter how silly or irrational they may seem to others, they are very real to you and are obviously upsetting you.
Remember to talk to her calmly, tell her what you feel, but not what you think she would do. Also she hasn't done anything wrong by having them, so don't have a go at her for it.
I have been in a similar situation and I did exactly what I just told you. I also explained why I thought that way and asked her to think about how she would feel if I still had pictures of my ex tucked away in a cupboard or something. She agreed she wouldn't like it and from there we worked things out and now we are both happy.
I think that's a bit harsh, would you want him to hide his feelings from you?
I have photos of my ex-girlfriend, and that was way back in 1996! I have 5 or 6 pictures stored in a photo album, along with over 200 other non-GF pictures. It's My Life Story from between 1994 and 1997. If a future girlfriend finds this, then so what? The chances are that I will have shown all of my photos anyway. A normal girl will no mind seeing pictures of my life in the previous decade... or this decade.
Again, like what others have said here - A picture shown on the wall or in a wallet or purse is different!
There only memories and no-one should be made to forget a big part of there life. I like going back through old photos and remembering nights out etc..
I think you need to lighten up about it and in no way try to pressurise her into throwing them away because she could resent you for it in the long run.
:yes: me too!
i have a box of letters and fotos from my ex. i dont seem him anymore and i dont love him anymore. but i wont throw them away for anyone, not even my boyfriend who i love very much.
they are in a box out of the way, so what is the problem?
I like to learn from everything that happens good or bad and a reminder of how much of a cock i was with my last gf makes me a better person and to remember not to be like that now.
I wouldnt say its a good or bad thing id just say its not something that should effect your relationship
i have photos of me and an ex on holiday and our relationship ended horriby 3 years ago with him being really violent. im with someone else now but i dont want to throw them away as they are a part of my past and i cant see a problem with me having them.
if my current fella asked me to throw them away it wouldnt be the throwing them away that i would have a problem with but the reason why, i mean photos cant do any harm and its not like i want to be back with him
i think that you should be happy thats she is with you and accept that there a part of her past
True!
Personally I would only hold onto pics of an ex if I just couldn't let go o fwhat we had. After my last break up I kept onto pictures for a month or so because I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them, I still wanted her back and thought that throwing them away would mean the end. When I finally realised I was better off without her I threw them all away, why would I want them? I didn't like her and didn't want photos of her in my house.
But you've got to understand that some people are different, they aren't holding onto photos because they want them back. As strange as that seems to me, it's true. If she just sees them as a part of her past, then don't worry.
Hell no, they are only photos.
Hey, it's not like she had a photo of her ex on her nightstand or in her wallet.
If it's bothering you, discuss it and move on. Don't let something like some photos ruin your relationship.
Doesn't that make it difficult to sleep?