New here, am I a bi-male?

Former Member

I apologize if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I'm also hoping I've found a legit place to openly discuss an issue that I have. If anyone can suggest a better place to post my question please let me know. As I have no one that I can talk with about this issue I'm trying to find answers on the net.

I'm a healthy 26 y.o. white male. Always considered myself a 100% heterosexual male. I will spare you all the detail, but I did have probably an extensiveamount of same-sex experience as a young teen. I don't consider it abuse as it was enjoyable and was with the best friend of my older brother. I did realize at a young age that I was different than most guys as my endowment was much larger than others. I grew-up being embarrassed by it. I am now afraid that somehow the teasing and embarrasment of this has an affect on me now. Though I live with my girl friend, and have a somewhat normal sexual relationship, I found out by accident that now I really like having other guys see, and play with my dick. The thrill and buzz I get from this has acutally become addicting. I have no interest in kissing a guy, or even doing the things that I think most bi or gay guys want to do with each other. I simply like dropping trou, letting them see it, touch it, and then bring me to orgasm. Does this mean I'm bi? Is this normal/common behaviour for a guy? Please, I don't want a bunch of smart-ass comments. I am looking for answers/solutions to this. I can provide more detail if wanted, but first I wanted to make sure I was posting this in correct place.

Former Member

From what you have described I wouldn't say you were bi-sexual. You simply aren't attracted to guys, and without the attraction you can't be bi/gay. You merely like to "experiment", although it's not like your having penetrative sex or whatever. If you and the guy(s) are happy doing it then whatever floats your boat..although if you are in a relationship with someone, surely this is cheating on her?

Former Member

Agreed, sounds like a fetish to me. Which is fair enough. But as for solutions it's just the same as not shagging another woman while you're in a relationship.

Former Member

I don't want to sound like a dog, but somehow it just don't seem to me as "cheating" on her. I could never tell her about it, but I have no guilt after I've done it. If i did another women, the guilt would kill me. I kind of compare this somehow to playing basketball with a bud. I know it sounds dumb, but to me it's about the same. No emotion, no feelings, just good clean fun.

Former Member

I doubt your gf would see it like that..surely she would be hurt if she found out, regardless of the gender or the person. That doesn't matter..you are still doing sexual stuff with a third party..

Former Member

Guilt is not an indication of whether you ARE actually guilty.

You are cheating.

Former Member

Sounds to me like you must be Bi, you said you enjoy it getting your dick touched and you liked the same sex stuf you did,as a teenager sounds like that stuff didnt happen by acident.

Former Member

bust1too wrote:

I don't want to sound like a dog, but somehow it just don't seem to me as "cheating" on her. I could never tell her about it, but I have no guilt after I've done it. If i did another women, the guilt would kill me. I kind of compare this somehow to playing basketball with a bud. I know it sounds dumb, but to me it's about the same. No emotion, no feelings, just good clean fun.

I know a lot of bi ladies who feel the same, but i really don't understand why! If i had sex with either a man or a woman whilst with my fiancee i would consider that to be cheating! Regardless of gender. Think how your girlfriend would feel! Does she even know that you have sexual feelings towards men? How would she react if she found out you let another man masterbate you? Chances are she wouldn't be happy!

Former Member

Actually it did happen by accident when younger. At least the first time. And you are right, it would kill my girlfriend. She already feels sexually inadequate and this would crush her. My real purpose for posting this was to have someone/anyone suggest a solution. I don't like that fact that I like doing it. I'm somehow thinking this is the result of so many years of having the embarrassment that I had. By ACCIDENT I found out that many would consider me lucky to have this dick. Somehow maybe it's the "acceptance" or "envy" that I crave. Don't tell me to just stop doing it. I've tried. Then the extremely strong urge comes again. I get the opportunity to do it, and I'm there. This may be hard for many to understand.

Former Member

Dude, sorry, but it's your problem. Did you think we were going to send you a magic pill to make you faithful?

Former Member

Sounds to me that your not ready for a steady relationship. Maybe you should have a break and work out your sexuality and the problems you're experiencing psychologically and sexually.

Former Member

A pill would be great! If only one existed. Guess somehow I hoped that someone with similar issue would read this and give some advice as how they resolved it. If you've never experienced it, it may be real difficult to understand. Let me ask you this, those who are critical of me. Do you masturbate?

Former Member

satehen wrote:

Sounds to me that your not ready for a steady relationship. Maybe you should have a break and work out your sexuality and the problems you're experiencing psychologically and sexually.

Yep.

If you can't resist these "urges" whilst being with your girlfriend (I am guessing it's a relatively long term relationship..seeing as you cohabit) then you obviously aren't ready for a girlfriend at this time. If you want to maybe explore another sexual pathway, then do it when you are single. Please show your girlfriend some respect.

Former Member

bust1too wrote:

A pill would be great! If only one existed. Guess somehow I hoped that someone with similar issue would read this and give some advice as how they resolved it. If you've never experienced it, it may be real difficult to understand. Let me ask you this, those who are critical of me. Do you masturbate?

From a female bisexual perspective, i'm in a monogomous relationship and yes i do find women sexually attractive, but i'm monogomous and in love and i'd never cheat on my fiance. Ever. I just keep these feelings for fantasies, which can then lead to fantastic sex with my partner.

Former Member

That was actually a great response. I do appreciate that. I'd love to do the same, and I'd soooooo strongly suggest you never act on them, keep them a fantasy, as I've seen the problem that is created when it is actually acted upon. Prior to my "accidental" experience as an adult, this wasn't even a fantasy of mine. I didn't really expect the strong critisism I've received so far, but I did have to laugh when I saw how quiet some got when I asked them if they masturbate. Afterall, some may consider that "cheating" also.

Former Member

well please excuse my amateur psychologist babble, but my first impression from your post is that you do this because you get a kick out of other men being amazed by how big your dick is, and its almost an `im better than you are` thing, a dominance over other men, which might well stem from your experiences as a child, which while you may not see them as abusive, have probably shaped how you view sex now as an adult.
I agree with the others that its completely out of order for you to be acting out these desires while youre pretending to your girlfriend that youre being faithful, but I wouldnt say that it made you particularly bisexual. Saying that, bisexual doesnt necesarily mean you like boys and girls completely equally. You might be 70/30 bisexual in favour of women for example.

Former Member

I wouldn't consider masterbating to be cheating, even if you are thinking about someone else. That is, unless someone else is helping you to masterbate lol.

Former Member

I'd say you have something similar to a fetish, however fetishes are not to do with parts of the body that are sexual so there must be the element of kinkiness/wrongness becasue it's a guy you like to do this for you. It's like some guys like girls dressin up as school girls as it's naughty n kinky. You may still have a slight buried attraction to the same sex.

and i agree with the dominance quote.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

well please excuse my amateur psychologist babble, but my first impression from your post is that you do this because you get a kick out of other men being amazed by how big your dick is, and its almost an `im better than you are` thing, a dominance over other men, which might well stem from your experiences as a child, which while you may not see them as abusive, have probably shaped how you view sex now as an adult.
I agree with the others that its completely out of order for you to be acting out these desires while youre pretending to your girlfriend that youre being faithful, but I wouldnt say that it made you particularly bisexual. Saying that, bisexual doesnt necesarily mean you like boys and girls completely equally. You might be 70/30 bisexual in favour of women for example.

I think you are close to the explanation that I've come to. You need to understand that for many years I have felt like a freak, embarrassed, insecure about my dick. Then suddenly, by accident, something happened that SURPRISE gave me the opposite feeling. It somehow filled a "need" that I have had for many years. I know it's hard to explain. It is probably more a thrill to me to see the excitment/acceptance of those who envy it, than the actual physical interaction. I really don't like the fact that I do it, but the "need" or desire to do it is unexplainable.

I'll use an example that many will understand. I have a very physical job and a hobby of mine is nutrition and physical endurance training. I am in very good physical condition and I always have people asking me how they can loose weight, get fit. I look at them and the answer is so simple; Quit eating so much and start exercising. My "need" is similar to their eating. They know they shouldn't do it, and don't even really feel good about doing it, but the desire is so strong they stay fat!

Former Member

satehen wrote:

I wouldn't consider masterbating to be cheating, even if you are thinking about someone else. That is, unless someone else is helping you to masterbate lol.

You don't, but there are probably some who do. It's all about "opinions". For whatever reason, my brain, or I, have not determined that what I'm doing is "cheating". With the strong comments I am getting here, I am taking a hard look at myself. Maybe I will come to that conclussion and maybe that will be the "pill" or the answer that I need.

Former Member

I just thought of something else. Would each of you please tell me if you're male or female? I wonder if the attitude or opinion is somewhat influenced by gender.

Former Member

bust1too wrote:

You don't, but there are probably some who do. It's all about "opinions". For whatever reason, my brain, or I, have not determined that what I'm doing is "cheating". With the strong comments I am getting here, I am taking a hard look at myself. Maybe I will come to that conclussion and maybe that will be the "pill" or the answer that I need.

Yes, cheating is all about opinions. But that's exactly what matters, as far as your girlfriend is concerned and the overwhelming majority of society at large, you're a cheat, and that doesn't go down well anywhere.

Former Member

I think that what youre describing could really easily turn into a big problem very quickly if youre not careful, and if it hasnt already. It sounds similar to an addiction to me, and it wouldnt hurt you to seek out some sort of counselling before you unintentionally hurt the people you care about. It already sounds like its getting out of control.
I think your experiences as a young lad, have affected you more than you may like to admit.
I can understand what you are saying in a way, because I was an `ugly duckling` at school. I didnt really blossom till after id left, and going from having a lot of negative attention - ie, people calling me ugly, and nasty names, to then actually being considered attractive and having people actually wanting me, its so flattering to get that attention, and it can be hard to know how to deal with it and some people become very promiscuous as a result.

Former Member

Fiend_85 wrote:

Yes, cheating is all about opinions. But that's exactly what matters, as far as your girlfriend is concerned and the overwhelming majority of society at large, you're a cheat, and that doesn't go down well anywhere.

I admitted that I am re-evaluating myself. All of your comments have fostered that. But again, I wonder if there is some difference in the way it's viewed based on gender. You male or female?

Former Member

Female, so I'm possibly more vehmently against cheating. But I suspect that male/female aside, sexual acts with someone NOT your partner is cheating.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

I think that what youre describing could really easily turn into a big problem very quickly if youre not careful, and if it hasnt already. It sounds similar to an addiction to me, and it wouldnt hurt you to seek out some sort of counselling before you unintentionally hurt the people you care about. It already sounds like its getting out of control.
I think your experiences as a young lad, have affected you more than you may like to admit.
I can understand what you are saying in a way, because I was an `ugly duckling` at school. I didnt really blossom till after id left, and going from having a lot of negative attention - ie, people calling me ugly, and nasty names, to then actually being considered attractive and having people actually wanting me, its so flattering to get that attention, and it can be hard to know how to deal with it and some people become very promiscuous as a result.

You and I share some common thoughts. I admitted in one of my opening comments that I feel that I am addicted to this "rush" I am receiving. I have looked for someone, a therapist, that I can get help from. I have not been able to find someone that I feel is qualified, or would understand this. I guess I feel that I'm "different" than all the other "different" people. It is unfortunate, but right now this board is my therapist. That is another reason I asked in my opening statement for suggestions if there is another place I should be looking.

Former Member

Tell your girlfriend?

Former Member

or sort it out maybe with counseling and suchlike

Former Member

Felix Da Housecat wrote:

Tell your girlfriend?

I've considered that, but it would not be productive. My girl already feels sexually inadequate. I do all that I can to make her feel better, but honestly sex with her is not that fullfilling. I've not had many partners, but none have really embrassed it. As a guy, it might be a little embarrassing, except that I'm kind of proud of it, that I've only had 3 female sexual partners. The first was when I was 15, and it was disasterous, another was a girl I had just out of high school, and then this girlfriend. I know most of you have already determined that I'm a pig, but actually in most regards I'm a pretty decent person. Any other suggestions?

Former Member

You like to have men touch you and have never had a sexually satisfying experience with a woman? Surely the question should not be are you bi, but are you gay?!

Former Member

satehen wrote:

You like to have men touch you and have never had a sexually satisfying experience with a woman? Surely the question should not be are you bi, but are you gay?!

That was actually pretty brilliant statment. I know I'm not gay, I've just never had an attraction to a guy. I figure if I'm bi I would of spent years drooling over guys. As a teen, and even now, i masturbate thinking of women, or women parts. Here's why I've never had a great session with a women.
#1, I was 15, she was much older, had a kid. I worked with her. It felt good, but I was young shy kid and she went to work the next day and told everyone we worked with how sore her pussy was from me. I was humiliated. We lived in very small, conservative town. Yes, my parents heard about it.

#2, She was virgin, would not even try oral. Was afraid of pregnancy (and I think moral issues) so she would not let me really fully penetrate her.

#3, My current Girl. We started out as best friends. Was awesome deal, she enjoyed outdoors just like I did. Lead to romance and sex. She is petite girl and basically acts afraid of it if she gives any attempt at oral. Deep or fast penetration hurts her. Maybe only a guy will understand this, but she totally controls the rythum of the sex. Never to deep, and never at all aggressive. I honestly have hard time cumming sometimes. It's O.K., but never earch shaking. Does that make sense?

No, I"m not gay, might be bi, or just a freak, help me decide.