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Another Boyfriend looking at porn problem

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Again, that's fine if that's how YOU feel about it. But not everyone feels that way. And they don't have to. Who's can say how every single person is supposed to feel on a subject? No one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The bottom line is, he is still turned on by a pretty girl, naked, like you said yourself. Turned on by another girl.

    Why is this such an issue though?

    Are you not attracted to people, or do you walk around in a blinkered state where noone else in the world has the potential to be attractive?

    Just because you are with someone that doesn't suddenly stop other people from being good-looking. The point of it is that your guy is with you, and the fact that someone else is attractive isn't something that automatically threatens your relationship. To think that it would be is to show a massive lack of faith in your partner.

    Secondary to that is the other point that you seem to have missed, which is that your boyfriend is looking at porn, he's not actually getting it on with these girls, he's just looking at them and, to be perfectly honest, when people look at porn they are not looking at a girl and thinking ooo yeah I want to be with her. There is no relationship with the people in the pictures.

    And lastly, your boyfriend is doing this for you as well as him. He doesn't just sit there, watch porn and jack off, he looks at some porn to get himself extra horny for you. Though to be frank even if he did just knock one out that's not exactly threatening either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you allow yourself to get so worked up about this then you have serious issues. I can recommend a good therapist. It's a non-issue, it's stupuid to get worked up about it, etc etc.

    Being understanding of someone, and bending to their every whim because of it, are two entirely separate issues. Why should he not do something just because you told him not to? Why should you rule what he does?

    Relationships are about compromise, in case you hadn't noticed.

    Oh, and anyone in a relationship who says they have never looked at another person and found them attractive is a liar. I would say blind, but even Blunkett did.

    To refer back to your initial post, you are assuming that him looking at porn and thinking about you are mutually exclusive. They are not.

    What he's done is thought of you, felt horny, and relieved himself because you weren't there to do it for him. Does he have sex with you? If yes, what's your problem, exactly?

    Stop being so damn possessive. And yes, it is very easy to do it. Just bite your tongue.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuicideBlonde, do you feel the same way if your fella reads FHM, Loaded or one of thse lads mags with scantily clad woman and types of stories they in it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I still think the whole porno issue is a hard one to call. Why should a bloke deny himself of sexual relief through a very accessable means because his girlfriend feels it's a reflection on how sexually or otherwise attractive he finds her. Girls should also look at themselves. If you notice, those girls that have said that it doesn't bother them, and then speak of ways in which they look to find sexual relief through movies, girl porn, vibrators etc...seem to be, to me anyway, more confident in themselves. I know my confidence that I turn my bloke on, that he's having sex with me wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable or that he has a preference towards porno as appose to me bacause I am confident and secure in myself...so is it the individuals insecurities that makes the question that bf's motives when he chooses to masturbate over a porno or mag?

    Maybe it's not 100% the blokes issue, that he's being unsensitive, but that the girl has unresolved insecurities about herself which makes her compare herself to the moaning, silicon enhanced, plastic-fantistic beauties that grace the covers of magazines and groan and moan their way through a kinky movie.

    My bf is intimidated by my rampant rabbit...if I choose to use, I don't mention it to him as that's where his insecurity is. He has FHM and other lads mags, I don't care to know what he's been up to with them but he can do what he does to his hearts delight in his own time.

    And in relation to poison fairy's question...well its according to the blokes tastes to be honest i.e. if you were say, a larger girl, he was attracted to large women and watched them then it'd be different if he was going out with a slim bird and was watching larger ladies, you might think he doesn't have a preference or maybe prefers that sorta woman...in which case...he wouldn't be with you...but mainstream porn does tend to lean towards using women with toned, slim figures and they have clear complexions, their bodies perfectly made up, waxed, oiled and all the rest of it. People are attracted to beautiful people, but that doesn't they'd want to be with those people...just likes looking at them at it, or jut the fact that their having sex...which is what I find is a turn on - I don't fancy the birds or blokes, I just like the idea of sex...!!

    Malt xxx :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in answer to poisonfairy, id feel worse if my partner was wanking off to images of girls that looked nothing like me, if I was freely available to have sex.
    If he was looking at pictures of girls that had similar features to me and was only looking at them because I wasnt available, then id have no problem at all.
    looking at images that didnt look like me when im not available is ok, but not ideal.
    If hes masturbating to women who are huge breasted and blonde etc, then they look nothing like me, and in all honesty id probably feel a little insecure that was his ideal looking woman - not that i think hed leave me for anyone else, but id kind of like to think that im his ideal woman.
    I do think some other men are attractive so I couldnt have a go at him for thinking other women are, but I do actually find that the people who I find attractive, often have features that remind me of him (awwww) and 9 times out of ten, when I masturbate, I think of him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kathryn wrote:
    tell them they're being stupid and unreasonable

    The question- and correct me if I'm wrong- was "am I being stupid?"

    If you don't want an answer don't ask a question. Simple enough really.

    If the girl isn't going to accept that she is being unreasonable (and it seems that this girl isn't) then what advice is there to give? She is seemingly wanting everyone to agree that her boyfriend is a terrible cheating bastard who is treating her badly and is a disgrace to the human race, and that isn't the case, so there isn't really much more to add, is there?

    You can't "give advice" to someone who is arguing that because they feel a bit miffed that he's having a wank over some porn he should have "more respect" and stop looking at it. Especially when this person is refusing to give any ground to her bloke.

    ETA: I agree pretty much with RB, tbh. Often I find that the girls I like the look of in porn look like t'missus, but uglier, and I think its true for most people. Though sometimes its nice to look at the polar opposites, just because its human nature to look at other types of person and body.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    The question- and correct me if I'm wrong- was "am I being stupid?"

    If you don't want an answer don't ask a question. Simple enough really.

    ohh, you can be a smug git sometimes! ;) *edited to add- not that ive been spying on you, just noticed a couple of your posts about*

    Do you have any advice for those girls who would like some then? Such as me, who can admit her jealousy of porn is unreasonable but cant help it hurting a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only advice I can give is get another boyfriend if you don't like it, find someone who doesn't wank (good luck on that one).

    Just about everyone on this board says to people "be yourself" etc. when asked what to do with the ladies/lads and I agree with this. I don't believe you should change your ways for anyone, I think everyone should be thereself all the time and if they enjoy doing something they should carry on doing it whether there partner likes it or not. If something is such a big issue between partners I believe you should look for someone else because the person you are trying to change is obviously not the right person for you.

    Think something similar was said in a another topic, something like - "you should find someone who you love for who they are and not find someone and try and mould them into someone you want to be with" and that makes a lot of sense to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Something which may help all of you, I recently 'discovered' a famous female porn director called Candida Royalle.

    She makes porn films aimed more at women, by which I mean they're more story based, a little less graphic than hardcore porn and generally appeal to women. She worked as an 'actress' in the porn industry for years and decided to direct films that she wanted to watch.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .... and if all you have to worry about is a little porn.... think yourself VERY lucky!

    Why?
    Why should I have to think that I'm lucky my bf only looks at other women?
    I know I'm being idealistic, but fuck me, dont i deserve to be in a faithful relationship? Dont we all?

    I hate that its so acceptable...maybe thast not the right word, that people are so unsuprised when they hear of people cheating. It's not ok, and i dont think that we should all live our lives waiting for it to happen.

    I'd never cheat on anyone, and i hate the way so many women think that a man cheating is just something that is going to happen to them.

    Anyway, bit of a tangent there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Looking at porn or masturbating are completely different to having sex with a partner. For a start there is no intimacy and its not a shared intense experience like being with a partner and especially someone you are in love with and are close to mentally and physically.

    I look at other women in the street and certainly enjoy looking at images of women of all types, we are all curious about what the world has to offer. If my GF looks at other blokes or fancies getting herself off by whatever means thats fine with me, I do the same when shes not around and I feel the urge thats for sure I make no secret of it. Its all only fantasy, its what we do in the flesh that counts and as long as both partners are faithful in that respect the its all ok with me.

    I dont know about anyone else when I have got myself off I have fantasised about most girls I know at some point or other, many of which I dont especially fancy. Just running through in my mind what it would be like. Funny thing is if I had the chance with any of them while in a relationship I would turn any of them down. Would you rather your BF did this (Which he most likely does) or looked at pics of girls you don't know?

    Its all harmless if he loves you and is faithful dont make an issue of it. Its you he choses to be with isnt it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Porn is for single guys, not guys that are always pounding it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you should tell him you watch his porn and see what his reaction is
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why?
    Why should I have to think that I'm lucky my bf only looks at other women?
    I know I'm being idealistic, but fuck me, dont i deserve to be in a faithful relationship? Dont we all?

    Yeah, because if he's looking at porn he's cheating on you :rolleyes:

    All people look at other people, any person (male or female) who says they don't is a liar. If you see a cute girl or guy you have a second look, it's human nature, what's the big deal?

    You can either realise that he's with you, sleeping with you, loving you, or you can allow your jealousy to ruin this relationship and any other one you may have.

    Why do you see him looking at a bit of muff being porked as a threat? Where, exactly, is he "cheating" on you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A little help to stop this in the future - dont go rooting through his internet history / search history looking for trouble! :chin:

    As for the rest, porn is rubbish, a quite fix perhaps, but nothing in the world beats the touch of a loving girlfriend, who you find incredibly attractive, as I'm sure he does you. You have nothing to worry about :thumb:
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