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Advice.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I find this really hard to talk about. I try to hid it because I feel so hurt and ashamed.
February 2003, I began seeing a guy called Gareth. After a few months I fell pregnant, I found out April 29th. I was so happy it's unbelievable. Things seemed o.k, Gareth could be an idiot and when we rowed, he pushed me abou and alot of the time blanked me and put his friends first. I thought it would change, just thought he was scared of being a dad.
When I about 8 weeks pregnant, he pushed me to the floor and punched me in the face. I went away to my dads for a week, he lives near cardiff!
When I came back he proposed to me, we moved in together and I thought things would change! How wrong was I!! I was scared to leave him because my did lived miles away and I don't speak to him very much because of things he had done to me in the past, we were not close at all. And I did not speak to my mother.
I was living 20 miles away from Hereford and didn't have any friends at the time, I look back now and realise he issolated me from everyone. My son came into he world on 31-12-03. It was the happiest moment of my life. The moment I pushed him out, took him into my arms and said, "hello Rhys, i'm your mum" and kissed his little forehead and had tears in my eyes I will never forget that.
Everything was amazing, I was so happy and felt so much love it was undescribable. Unfortunately, after a month, he went back to his old ways. I loved him and wanted a proper family so I stayed.
On March 29th I found bruising on my son, It was late at nite so I took him to the docters straight away the next day. The docter said that he was not concerned but if he continued to get bruising, to take him back for a blood test. Admittidly I was worried, but I thought at least no one has hurt him. The next day 1st April, the health visitor thought different. She contacted social services who wanted me to take him to the hospital and let him get seen by a child docter. I took him into Hereford, I arrived there and he was checked over. I was called into a room and was told he was to be taken into care because the bruises were not normal and not caused naturally. It hurt me, I ran to get my son and begged them not to take him, I ran away with him and was restrained and arrested.
Two weeks later, my sister admitted she knew how the bruising was caused. She saw Gareth trying to suffocate him! I passed out, i've never done that before but I had never felt so much pain. Some dickhead bloke thought he'd hurt a baby, his own fucking son!! I contacted the police, and considering it's nearly a year, he still has not been arrested. Anyway, because of this, on january 7th 2005, the court ruled that my son should be adopted. Tommorow, I have to go and hear they now have 'parents' for him!! It hurts like hell. I love him so much.... i'm on the comp all the time because I can't get over it. I don't want to go out, I have to deal with it then and I can't. He's my little boy and because of a violent man, has been taken out of my life. I will never forgive myself for putting my son through that, it was my fault, I should have left the father. And nothing can hurt like this.
February 2003, I began seeing a guy called Gareth. After a few months I fell pregnant, I found out April 29th. I was so happy it's unbelievable. Things seemed o.k, Gareth could be an idiot and when we rowed, he pushed me abou and alot of the time blanked me and put his friends first. I thought it would change, just thought he was scared of being a dad.
When I about 8 weeks pregnant, he pushed me to the floor and punched me in the face. I went away to my dads for a week, he lives near cardiff!
When I came back he proposed to me, we moved in together and I thought things would change! How wrong was I!! I was scared to leave him because my did lived miles away and I don't speak to him very much because of things he had done to me in the past, we were not close at all. And I did not speak to my mother.
I was living 20 miles away from Hereford and didn't have any friends at the time, I look back now and realise he issolated me from everyone. My son came into he world on 31-12-03. It was the happiest moment of my life. The moment I pushed him out, took him into my arms and said, "hello Rhys, i'm your mum" and kissed his little forehead and had tears in my eyes I will never forget that.
Everything was amazing, I was so happy and felt so much love it was undescribable. Unfortunately, after a month, he went back to his old ways. I loved him and wanted a proper family so I stayed.
On March 29th I found bruising on my son, It was late at nite so I took him to the docters straight away the next day. The docter said that he was not concerned but if he continued to get bruising, to take him back for a blood test. Admittidly I was worried, but I thought at least no one has hurt him. The next day 1st April, the health visitor thought different. She contacted social services who wanted me to take him to the hospital and let him get seen by a child docter. I took him into Hereford, I arrived there and he was checked over. I was called into a room and was told he was to be taken into care because the bruises were not normal and not caused naturally. It hurt me, I ran to get my son and begged them not to take him, I ran away with him and was restrained and arrested.
Two weeks later, my sister admitted she knew how the bruising was caused. She saw Gareth trying to suffocate him! I passed out, i've never done that before but I had never felt so much pain. Some dickhead bloke thought he'd hurt a baby, his own fucking son!! I contacted the police, and considering it's nearly a year, he still has not been arrested. Anyway, because of this, on january 7th 2005, the court ruled that my son should be adopted. Tommorow, I have to go and hear they now have 'parents' for him!! It hurts like hell. I love him so much.... i'm on the comp all the time because I can't get over it. I don't want to go out, I have to deal with it then and I can't. He's my little boy and because of a violent man, has been taken out of my life. I will never forgive myself for putting my son through that, it was my fault, I should have left the father. And nothing can hurt like this.
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Comments
not sure why this happens but it does.
my wife had a bad dad ...then had a bad husband ...then i came along ...the first two years of my marriage was hell!
why?
cos she didn't know how to handle being with a guy who actualy showd her respect ...encouraged her to be her own person ...treated her gently.
and someone will come along shouting ...
wrong forum!
mel ...please excuse my laziness ...i didn't read the whole thing!
i didn't realise you had lost your little 'un!
now i don't know what to say ...
If you're in a stable relationship with someone else then surely you can attempt to adopt your own son, or something equally ridiciulous.
:yes: thats what i'd have thought to.
Was your son taken into care to be adopted or just for fostering?
And I'm afraid to say that if your child is adopted then you have no further rights to or over that child. No access, no contact. It sounds like it's a bit late to be saying "get a solicitor" if that is what the court has already ordered.
Melodie, I don't know the whole story, I feel sure that this isn't quite the whole story, nor am I asking you to tell it, but I do think it was brave of you to put all this out here. I really do feel for you and I hope it has helped you in some way, but I really think you ought to be finding someone you can talk to on a regular basis, otherwise you're going to crack up. Please do it for your own sake.
Remember, people find themselves all the time in situations they never dreamed they could end up in. It doesn't mean you're a bad person.
No it did not, but I loved my son and I know that many mothers that are in the same pradicament would and have done the same.
And to answer all the other posts......... My father physically abused me, and my mother was an alcoholic. At the age of thirteen I had enough, ran away from home and was placed into foster care. I did not receive and was not offered any counselling. Several things happened during those years.
I met Gareth, he started hitting me...... No-one ever put me down as a parent. I had gone from being extremely impatient to being the most calm and patient person you could ever meet. He was always smiling, I suffered a severe bought of post-natal depression, I found things difficult but got through it. I went back to work when Rhys was a month old because his 'dad' couldn't be bothered to work. I worked a few hours over the wk/ends, Gareth didn't help with Rhys much so I did everything there to, did the housework on my own and cooked e.t.c. Rhys was on home made food when he began weaning as I found it to be a better option. But I coped. I was 18 and this was my life!! (as well as being beaten).
I had no family support and had been isolated from my friends. Rhys was taken due to the bruising, and as I said my sister admitted that she saw. I was angry because if she had told me at the time I could have done something then.
I feel for you Melodie, I really do, and in a way I can understand how you're feeling and what you've got to go through. I have five children, two with the current, lovely Mr Miffy, and three with my looney ex. When we divorced there were no residence orders made for the children, it was all done by agreement that the children would live with me, which was fine, except that it meant that, shortly after I met Mr Miffy, my ex decided he was going to keep the children after they went to him for a weekend and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
Well, I did get the two boys back, the youngest because he was only just four, and the eldest by his own decision although he can't settle now and has been back and forth between me and his dad ever since. But my daughter.... I never got her back. I don't know what happened to her, I don't know what he said to her, but she will have nothing to do with me, she won't talk to me on the phone, she won't see me, what little I know about her life I get second hand from my mum.
It's like grieving. Because there came this day when suddenly, she was just gone from my life, so it was like she died. But it's harder, because I know she's out there, somewhere. Everything just stopped there. In my mind she's still a little girl with pigtails, although she's thirteen now.
It's hard, I won't pretend it isn't. At first, it's so bleak, you feel like it'll never get better, but like I think I posted somewhere else about bereavement, one day you wake up and it's not the first thing you think about. It still pops into your thoughts regularly, certain things remind you and set you off, the first everything is the worst. Birthday, christmas, etc.
And the guilt, I'm afraid that comes with the territory, it never goes away but you kind of come to terms with it.
You can get through this, it's just going to take time.
mel ...pleaese clear this up for me cos i was under the impression you were actualy in the position of being mum ...from your thread about about drug use and depression ....cut and paste of you ...
this is how and why I smoke weed, I get thru a tenth a week, thats £5 worth.... I smoke 1 spliff before I go to sleep and I wake up the next morning feeling great...... I also suffer from ibs and it has been helping that really well, better than any medication a docter has given me.... (ibs = irriatable bowel syndrome)
I do not smoke it to get cabbaged thank u very much. I have a child to think of.
I do not smoke it to get cabbaged thank u very much. I have a child to think of.
I find it hard to face he's gone. Everything I do will still affect him. I guess here I could escape into a world where he was with me. But I need to deal with it all now. Does that make sense?
Yes it does, and yes, you do need to deal with it, it would be extremely unwise not to. I would say you need to deal with an awful lot of stuff that has happened to you probably, and I really suggest you try to find some help for yourself.
You have to take every day as it comes Melodie, and I KNOW it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get a little easier. It's too soon right now, but eventually you're going to have to think about the rest of your life. You can't change what has already happened, the only thing you can affect is the future and you owe it to yourself to make that as good as possible.
Try to be a little bit kind to yourself Melodie, and keep talking if it helps.
all i done was drink to oblivion i eventually lost the pub and was took into detoxafication to dry out. Hell Pure Hell. all i could do is think of joshua and what i was doing to him (something i never done whilst drinking).
but for me to give him anything i had to sort myself out first, so i went to rehab for twelve months and learnt more about myself, im not suggesting rehab for you but i needed it, then i started attending groups every week even if i felt upset or did not feel like going i still went.
not about six years on, and my ex still wont let me see josh, so i have to stay strong and if he comes to find me when hes a little older then great, but i cant think negative or ill drop like a bag of shite down the same spiral ive just returned from.
sure i still think about josh all of time but have to think positive.
i am now settled with my partner and her two children and we have a little girl with each other and i love them loads, but, i love josh just as much that will never change sure its painfull very fuckin painfull, but as miffy said it does get easier with time... melody, stick with it girl and if you need to talk then please feel free to p/m me anytime or post on the boards. just remember you will always have us to chat things through with, if you dont have access to a computer at home then try seeing if any of your friends have one you can use or book yourself one at your local library......hope things get easier soon...
justin(01j01)
:wave: Hello Justin. Sounds like you know exactly what I was talking about.
Melodie, you're not alone, you can see that... there are people here who can relate to what you're going through. Like Justin said, you can talk to us any time.
ETA: Just seen your thread on the other board. I hope you find a way to come back.
In your faceparty profile Melodie you say that you despise drugs.
Thank you..... I really feel that your ex partner not allowing you access to your son is a bit much. You have done all you can to change. Sometimes I feel like indulgeing in alcohol, but I remeber what my mum was like and how it made me feel. I think you have done alot to change, and you obviously think the world of your children and thought of them. I really hope things work out for you hun xx
things slowly have worked out for me but the hardest part is sticking it out, you will always have memories of the good times those 'first thing in the morning smiles'. i still remember them.
like i said before if you need a chat ill p.m. my msn addy or get in touch with us all here to bring a smile back....
*hugs 'n' thoughts*
justin
hello my dear :wave:
stupid really.