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Ecstasy Hell.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i was a bit pissed and hey i even asked you to shag me 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Spirit:
    ... Its scary knowing Im not gonna be doing what Im used to anymore but I know its worth it in the long run to have a stable life and to wake up one day and feel good about life.

    and about yourself <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; most importantly. When you're happy with yourself you can help others around you be happier as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good to hear Spirit <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its great to hear u r getting back on your feet spirit. Just interested in what u were addicted to? Im lost here, u dont have to say if u dont want to. Its just that I had quite a bad drug habit in the past and was just wondering. Were u just on pills?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she was on pills (E) and then she was on my penis at the party, hehe, lets hope she gets off the pills forever and onto my dick forever. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ha ha ha, ok then thank u dirty harry <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww my counsellor is wicked she rung me up this evening and said shes coming on friday with her work colleague to do my acupuncture Im dead excited but Im shitting myself 2 but I dont care now because I know everything will be OK.
    I'll let you all know what its like I'll probably be coming on here friday evening going heeyyy everryboody jusst chiillll and life willl be jjuuuuust fffiiiinnnee.
    hehehe i dont think so!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol... hope u can still sit dowan after all the actupuncture Spirit <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">.

    but seriously glad things r working out for ya n all... might go see a drug councellor myself now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Daze:
    lol... hope u can still sit dowan after all the actupuncture Spirit <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">.

    but seriously glad things r working out for ya n all... might go see a drug councellor myself now.

    Go for it Daze, can't do any harm. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    j9


    [This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 08-12-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lickily Daze Im having it done in my ears so my bum will be fine to sit down on.
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;
    Hey and if you wanna see a drugs counsellor go for it. I dont know whether Ive been lucky n getting a really nice one.
    If you try it once and you dont like it you dont have to see them again.
    You cant lose anything by trying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by j9j9:
    Go for it Daze, can't do ant harm. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    j9


    Yep I agree <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm... might go n see where theyre at...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gotta be worth a try hasn't it. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just thought Id let everyone know that my drugs counsellor came this morning with the woman who does the acupuncture, my mum had it done first then my counsellor then me.
    I was getting dead nervous watching everyone else have it done but when it came to my turn it was ok. While the pins were in my ears I had to sit and relax for 20 mins but the last few minutes were awful because I had a flashback and all I could hear was the clock and it was driving me insane!
    Ive now got two little gold balls stuck on my ears on my chill points and I dont know whether it is in my head but I do feel a bit more relaxed. Im having it done again on tuesday. She also gave me some lavender oil to put on my pulse points and said i should put a few drops in the bath when i have one, put a drop on my pillow at night, and put my wrists to my nose and breath it in when I get breathing difficulties. I havent felt tense all day though and i went outside for a few minutes this evening 2 so maybe im improving.

    Daze I really think you should try seeing one of these guys if thats what you want, if nothing else they have really made me feel so much better about my situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lavender oil is a wonderful thing, everyone should have a bottle. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Glad to hear it went well Spirit.

    j9
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    daze going to see a consellor?! thats amazing news, i never thought i'd see the day! well done and good luck!

    i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made them to match the men.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm thx Whizzy <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">...

    Just a quick question for Spirit.. How'd u get in touch with the drug councellor?
    Did u do it from a GP or is there some other way?

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Daze:
    Hmm thx Whizzy <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">...

    Just a quick question for Spirit.. How'd u get in touch with the drug councellor?
    Did u do it from a GP or is there some other way?


    My mum rung the national drugs helpline and asked them if they knew of any organisations in the area we could get in touch with.
    They will give you some numbers and if the poeple at those numbers cant help you they will give you numbers where you can speak to someone else.

    They all seemed to be really nice and the best thing of all is they dont go on at you saying drugs are bad dont take them, they just talk to you and do anything to help you.

    Let me know what you decide to do.
    You can email me too if you like.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey spirit.... i was reading all the stuff you wrote and im kind having the same problem. last year i took alot of shit, then i took a overdose of shrooms and i was fucked out of my mind. seriously, i had really bad paranoia and i thought i would never get out of it. and over the whole summer i went to a psychologist because i kept having flashbacks over and over and it was awful but... ecstasy helped me thru it. i have been taking that every friday for almost 2 years now and i recently overdosed on it and then i panicked. my friends have cornered me and told me that i am addicted to it and i think it is the speed that i am addicted to because i crave it alot. I am going to a drug rehab soon but i know even after that i will still take it. but i know exactly what you mean by paranoia but it is weird because mine is the oposite.. when i dont take the drug i become paranoid. when i do take the drug it relieves the paranoia for about a week.
    but paranoia is awful and for ppl that havent experienced it it is so hard to explain because it is not like u are paranoid.. it is like you are questioning your existence and feel scared of what will happen when u die and u question stupid shit like what is grass and what is this what is that. it is like u analyze everything to death to the point u become crazy. and i have even seen things and all of that. but it is not so bad since i got off the acid. it is getting better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow!!!!

    Its great to hear about someone having the same problem.

    The thing is I did have the paranoia, I was shit scared of the dark and wouldnt even go upstairs on my own in my house sometimes, if i was out in the dark walking anywhere i used to ring my boyfriend up and talk to him while i walked anywhere on my own cos i always thought someone was following me, I used to tell him every little place i was so that if anything happened he knew where to come and find me. It must of done his head in but he understood why i was doing it.
    I watched aracnaphobia one night and ever since then ive been shit scared of spiders, I saw one in my room once and then didnt go in it for 2 weeks, I was staying at my best mates. Just stuoid things like that, everytime i didnt have pills for a week it would get really bad so id carry on taking em and id be fine but now that ive stopped i know i just need to get over it.

    I think about all the good times ive had and ive always been pissed, stoned, whizzing or tripping or a mixture, I cant ever remember having a good time without having taken something and thats what i want to do!!!

    Eyes are the window to ones heart....Tears are the proof that you have one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One more thing,

    i have thought all about taking pills again to make myself feel better, but im not gonna be able to do it forever and then one day ill be well in the doggy doo doo, id be worse than i am now if i woulda carried on takin em then tried to get off em, my body was relying on em to keep going and i dont want that anymore.

    Counteracting the after effects of coming off a drug with another drug is pointless because you might as well just of stayed on the first one!



    Eyes are the window to ones heart....Tears are the proof that you have one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BINGO, you probably wont believe me but i TOTALLY UNDERSTAND what your going through and have been through, the syptoms you discirbed are exactly how i have felt about 10 months ago. I totally feel for you the exact same thing happened to me when i would say to my mates that i felt funny they always said there is nothing wrong with you, but they didn't know what i was thinking. The only way i can describe that feeling is just being afraid to talk, and when it got real bad i would be afraid to move even with my shoulders locked up (this happen to you?)
    I also used to get that tighness in the chest that you decribe, the councellor said it was anxiety, but with the aid of ecstasy it was enhanced. When i was on bad trips i would get whirlwind like feelings in my chest, it was a weird feeling kind of a sudden rush of panic and worries with the fear of not being able to control it. But anyways for a few months afterwards when i would build up the courage to go out with my mates i would feel ok then when i thought about it abit i would get a tight chest and when i relly worried about it that same whirlwind in the chest feeling would come.

    When you were at you peak of canin pills did you go on a few whiteys or bad ones before you got to this stage? I myself went on 4 one night after another, i just couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why i got so messy on them, i remeber (like it was yesterday) on the night of my final fuck it i was sat in a pub with about 15 friends but i wasin the corner not saying a word to anyone, in a weirdly fucked up state and i was thinking to myself as though people were studying us "ahh yeah its ok they all chat and talk and he just sits there dosn't speak much but that dosn't matter cos thats just the way he is" but that thought was almost in a psychotic way. as you say its very hard to describe.

    I never had as many panic attacks as you but whenever i smoke weed now in high does i get them. How are you on weed? Do the thooughts that trouble you daily seem to be all posihed off and freshend up? Do they seem as though it is all so obvious and how could you have missed them before?

    You say you are afriad to go out of your house well i can tell you now that might well get worse before it gets better, It has taken me since last febish to start going out again. and i still get anxiety attacks but they are no-way as intense as the one you are experiencing. I suppose it depends on how badly you fucked it. Like you one of my friends said they experinced the 'analsying of everyone in a WIERD way' but again this was for a few days only. He is still taking them but that made him scare and he dosn't do them much only on special occasions.

    You may hate me for saying this but is your sexuality an issue? cos alot of people i know who have experienced milder things of what you discribe are gay or confused. i think that it was just chance that they didn't go over the top with eating them and fucking it.

    I also experince fits of excitement (even now a year later and it would seem that they are here to stay for life. You ever hear a tune that you heard on E and you get all excited in your chest? drawning in air while making a excited noise? erm what else...

    oh yeah those funny feelings that you are getting (a bit like vertigo, but more just plain dizzy) i think it is pretty safe to say they will go soon, they were one of the first things to dissappear for me.

    and when you go walking with your dog do you try your hardest not to bump in to anyone? especially people you know, i used to take massive detors to avoid my friends when they sat outside arounfdthe village.

    In short heres what i think happend to me and sometihng similar could have happend to you?

    After quite a few whiteys Ecstasy opened up my mind for me to see and poke at this lasted for about 1 week when i was soba. but after that and even to this day i can open up my mind and see the weird thoughts again when i smoke weed(high doses), no matter how prepared i am for it. This was and is useful for seeing what i wass really like(arroagnt, overconfident), without a sheild that my mind had built up for me so that i couldn't see this. vbut from this time last year ish i have been trying to correct it, fucjkin jees its hard work, i'm not saying i'm not getting anywhere i am definatly not the same person i was last year, but it still haunts me to this day, but this is only because i won't rest until i have stopped it to my satisfaction. this might not applie to you but surely you can see where i'm coming from.
    It has been for the better and for the worse but if it had never happended to me i would be someone who i deeply dispise and would of probably realised this at a later date when it would be imposible to change. I'nm 19 by the way. Is this anything that you are feeling?

    Look, i would REALLY like to talk to you so check your email!!

    Sorry bout the length of this its just i never spoke to anyone who felt the same, its so exciting!? hmm well laters and
    "things....de de dern.... can only get better!" - that song



    "People say, 'We are losing the War on Drugs!' Well you know what that implies? There's a war going on, and the people on drugs are winning it!"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by mizdope:
    but paranoia is awful and for ppl that havent experienced it it is so hard to explain because it is not like u are paranoid.. it is like you are questioning your existence and feel scared of what will happen when u die and u question stupid shit like what is grass and what is this what is that. it is like u analyze everything to death to the point u become crazy.

    Yeah Damn right, and people who don't or havn't experienced this just don't seem to understand how wierd it is!



    "People say, 'We are losing the War on Drugs!' Well you know what that implies? There's a war going on, and the people on drugs are winning it!"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi everyone <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">.

    I haven't read EVERY post in this thread, i will when i have more time, but on the subject of bad trips....

    When i was 17 i started to experiment a bit. A bit of pot, then some acids (LSD). First few were...well i've got to be honest, fucnny as [email protected]! Just a great high, plain and simple.
    You can't really describe it, not as good as sex though <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">.

    One night i had an acid with a friend. Dropped it at about 10pm. Up all night, having a laugh etc. 7am (ish?), started to fall asleep...but every time i closed my eyes i was sorta seeing extremely vague evil faces, yes funny it sounds but not at the time. Not feeling so great when this began...

    I went into my house (we were sitting outside in a car). I tried to eat something.....i chewed it but couldn't swallow, well freaky. I went in my back garden, the shed was leaning over at about a 15' angle! Of course this was in my mind....i started to get very nervous at this point, legging it about and allsorts, full blown panic attack....my heart was ABSOLUTELY pounding, it felt like it was gonna come out my chest.

    This led to me having panic attacks and flash backs for about a month, had to see a shrink in the end and just talked how i felt, and it all sorta just faded away....nearly cocked up my A levels through it though.

    *It was, without doubt, THE worst experience of my life and i wouldn't take another trip if someone offered me loads of money to take it. It was an absolute nightmare, can't even describe how bad it was.*

    I'm not gonna say 'don't do it', thats up to you, just thought i'd share this with you all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi ppl,

    This might sound really, really lame compared ta wat symptoms spirit had but i thought id better let you fellow poppers know wat youre gettin urselves into wen dealing with Ecstasy.

    I take quarter, yes a quarter(!) of a pill each time i pop and i know that if i take more (say a half+quarter) i get fevers, sweats, headaches and shit...and its not vewy, vewy nice.

    I got a taste of wat spirit went through and i thank you spirit for warning us as ive been poopin since Christmas 2000 on and off.

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    A FELLOW POPPER FRM LONDON X
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah when i take them too i need a shit and I was talkin to my mate b4 who it happens to as well,

    and it only seems to happen to the girls we know, i dont know why it happens but i know me and toni and tina have all sat in the toliets in burger king one afternoon all pilled up and having a shit and tellin everyone who came in "wouldnt come in if i was you love were all dropping stinkers in here" lol you dont care when ur wrecked do you!


    Id love to know why it happens,

    and when i have a really good pill thats dead strong it happens to me then as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    By the way i am spirit as well but i got a different user name just so you dont get confused lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ill tell u why it happens spirit mi darling! As far as Im aware people sometimes feel the urge to shit coz they r so relaxed from the drugs they have taken. Also the pure exitment of being off your head can do it too but mostly its the muscles relaxing. Poppers do this to u too and thats why loads of gay blokes use em...to relax their bum muscles (not my cup of tea but each to their own!). Anyway, hope this answers your question ducky <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life. So get wasted all the time, and have the time of you're life!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Update

    I am a paranoid fucker to say the least!

    I dont go out EVER probably once a month rofl, i fell in love with a bastard on the net, i made some top mates in the net, i live in my bedroom, at my desk, in bed, on the couch, or wiv my head in the fridge.

    I cant stand being around people cos i get all nervy, i still have flashbacks but ive kinda learnt to deal with em a lot better, funny things happen to me in the shower where i feel like im gonna pass out and die, oh god how awful that would be, i miss my m8s, i miss my life, i miss my horse, i miss my dad and all my family, i miss town, i miss lads, i miss bunkin off work and goin shoppin and i miss my mum havin a go at me for keepin my finger on the door bell at 4:30 am in the mornin slumped up against the porch door smashed out of my face, i miss havin 2p bets wiv my best m8 ova whether wed have hangovers in the mornin or whod b sick first or if wed b sick at all, i miss goin on liccle adventures wiv tina to blackpool, southport and any other corny places with theme parks we could find. i miss takin my cousins to midd wiv me n lettin em go on the postman pat ride and the flintstones one ten times in a row, i miss beggin chris to lend me and tina taxi money when we get stuck in town, i miss EVERYTHING!! but on the other hand im a total socialphobic and an agoraphobic and dont seem to miss things enough to push myself into going out cos then i get panic attacks and be ill for the next three or four days cos of the amount of stress it puts me through, sad innit,

    i spose ivs dealt nuff shit out in my life to other people god ive made some ppls lives a misery and like they say you get what you give spose im paying for it now and for everything else im ever gonna do wrong.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You won't be like this forever Spirit & if you hadn't gone through it we would never have met. One day I'll come up there & take you out. Not yet though, when you are an ickle bit better & it won't cause you trauma.

    j9


    A wise man is always happy to be corrected
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