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Dumping someone you love
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Its unlogical in a way. But I think I have to dump my gf, who I love so much. She recently moved away from me and its been 2 months now and suddenly she has really changed. She used to be a very very polite, how shall I say, clean (as opposed to dirty, not that we didnt have sex, just try to understand me) girl, who would never think about doing what she's saying to me now. This is her ridiculous proposal:
"A guy asked me out yesterday. I didnt say anything to him. But I like him alot. Can he be my boyfriend?"
Now to me I took this as a very nice polite way of dumping me. I didnt feel as bad as I could have felt. But this part really confused me:
"I dont want to break up with you. Because I love you."
Looks like you've got choices to make then. Then I get this:
"I want to have 2 boyfriends."
I'm such a sap for this girl that I'm almost going to go through with it because I dont want to break up with her. She is definitely not the type of person to use people. I dont understand this. I tried threatening her a little but it just didnt work. She would rather have both then just me.
My logic tells me that I should dump her, because this is ridiculous and furthermore, in a battle between the two guys in the end, he would win because his relationship isnt long distance like mine is. But my heart wants to do what she says. And let her have 2 boyfriends.
These are my choices:
- Dump her, forget about her.
- Dump her, wait for them to break up and then get back with her.
- Stay with her and she'll pick one of us (most likely him I'm guessing) when I go and live near her (this is in 2yrs time).
This proposal took me by absolute shock and I nearly threw up. I cant believe she'd even suggest it. I mean how would you feel if someone said you're really special. But you're not special enough. So I want another one.
Wtf. What should I do. I'm 50-50 on this. And its driving me insane.
Alot.
"A guy asked me out yesterday. I didnt say anything to him. But I like him alot. Can he be my boyfriend?"
Now to me I took this as a very nice polite way of dumping me. I didnt feel as bad as I could have felt. But this part really confused me:
"I dont want to break up with you. Because I love you."
Looks like you've got choices to make then. Then I get this:
"I want to have 2 boyfriends."
I'm such a sap for this girl that I'm almost going to go through with it because I dont want to break up with her. She is definitely not the type of person to use people. I dont understand this. I tried threatening her a little but it just didnt work. She would rather have both then just me.
My logic tells me that I should dump her, because this is ridiculous and furthermore, in a battle between the two guys in the end, he would win because his relationship isnt long distance like mine is. But my heart wants to do what she says. And let her have 2 boyfriends.
These are my choices:
- Dump her, forget about her.
- Dump her, wait for them to break up and then get back with her.
- Stay with her and she'll pick one of us (most likely him I'm guessing) when I go and live near her (this is in 2yrs time).
This proposal took me by absolute shock and I nearly threw up. I cant believe she'd even suggest it. I mean how would you feel if someone said you're really special. But you're not special enough. So I want another one.
Wtf. What should I do. I'm 50-50 on this. And its driving me insane.
Alot.
0
Comments
no, you can't have two. you can have one, or you can have none.
If you don't you'd be loosing your self-respect, she'd be getting her own way even though you're not happy with it.
Better to dump her now and get over the heartache then be constantly feeling crap because of the situation she's lead you into.
Have you actually asked her where things started to change and why things are like they are?
In my opinion, you only have one choice.
however, if she has changed so much or its about more than the physical stuff or she has moved on... - may be it would be better for you to end the relationship now. and although you say she wouldn't use people... it sounds like that is what is happening here... sorry mate. and may be she doesn't want to "pick one of you" in 2 years or whatever... you are going to put yourself through a lot of grief in those 2 years if you are constantly thinking about your girl fucking another guy... my advice: dump her now - but it is 100% your decision. feel for ya.
She can't love you, not in the way you want her to. Real true love involves two people... you and her. She wants someone to be there for her whilst she is away from you. How old is she, 13?
If you love her then when she comes to her sense you can take her back.
Remember "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's meant to be." :thumb:
Hope you make the right decision for you. Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end. :yes:
- I got stabbed in the hand saving her from suicide
- I've put up with atleast 20 pathetic dumping sessions from her, each time she apologises within a day.
- I had to sneak out of my house at night to see her (its not her fault) but I still did it over 30-40 times. Maybe about once or twice a week. When I snuck out, I didnt sleep that night. I'm only 16. This is not good practice.
- She's the kind of person who will be pissed off at you (even if you've done nothing) just because she's pissed off. I was dumped once or twice for this. When she calmed down she apologised.
- She refuses to let me buy her something, this becomes very awkward during birthdays. Seriously, she refuses. It's weird.
But you know what annoys me the most? Just so you dont think I really am some sorry sap getting pushed around by my girlfriend, she did some incredible stuff for me too. Three weeks ago she got all frightened suddenly, and was crying to me on the telephone. She suspected I had or wanted another girlfriend and she was very upset. I denied this, but she didnt believe me despite the ok's and yes's. (I'm such a mindreader).
So what did I do for her? I booked a flight and went to see her all on my own. Remember I'm 16. I did it almost immediately. I got to her house at 12 midnight and told her that I was going to prove that I wasnt in love with any other girls. She came outside to see me, and I took her to the park and I played/sang a very very romantic song that I wrote for her. She was crying in my arms. It was awesome. She made the most convincing promises I've ever heard in my entire life.
And 2 weeks later I've got this. That's what really annoys me. Thing is, I know no other guy in the world would put up with a girl like this, including this guy she's found. Everytime she dumped me it was painful. But I soon realised she was miscalculating the effects of her actions and new that she was worth forgiving. That's what justifies the sadness.
Anyway.
Absolutely bloody heartbroken. I feel for you, but never being in this exact situation myself, I can only imagine what i's like. First of all - consider the fact that at least she is being honest with you about it. But secondly - and more importantly - it's not fair of her to have a second relationship too. She either is really messed up
Although it will hurt like hell, my advice is to tell her that you've come to a part in your relationship where you want different things, and that staying together is only going to take you both further away from what you really want. Be thankful she's a long way away because it would be torturous seeing her with this new guy etc
Even if she says 'oh its ok I'll stay with you instead' I would advise letting her go - she was willing to enter into another relationship and obviously is interested - even if she doesn't she will still be interested. Personally, I couldn't take being in a non-exclusive relationship.
eta: just read your second post, she sounds like she is messed up, even if you care about her a lot, sometimes its best not to get too close to that kind of person because they have personal issues they need to sort out. She sounds like she has a serious insecurity complex (dumping you loads, accusing you of cheating, liking and wanting attention from other guys). Don't let her use you.
good luck to ya :thumb:
Dump the bitch, she's taking the bloody piss.
awwwwww
Wanna be my boyfriend? :flirt:
Seriously though, you did the right thing in dumping her. Well done.
Sometimes no matter how much we love someone it just can't work, for any number of reasons.
You'll feel better soon, promise.
With any other girl I wouldnt take this. But for me, I see this as a test to see if we were ment to be. If we get back together, it'll be 3x as good. If we dont, well I certainly avoided the wrong girl.
Dump her. Dump her hard and never ever be such a doormat ever again.
That's a bit harsh. He's in love, we all do silly things when we're in love.
Have you read the post where he lists the crap he's gone through. This girl's the opposite of everything you'd look for in a girlfriend and he views it as a positive.
He needs some perspective.
I know she's not trying to use me because I can see right through her, and I can see whats going on inside her. I just have to hope she breaks up with this guy. That's my only chance I guess.
Ever heard of rose-tinted glasses? People go crazy when they're in love :chin: you just need to let them see for themselves. In fact, I'm pretty sure when people are in love and people tell them bad things about someone they try their hardest not to see it, if you know what I mean.
To the OP: give yourself space from her and hang out with your mates, play computer games, drink beer, cook home-made pizza and chilli and get lots and lots of pringles. :thumb:
That isn't your only chance. I think you're blinded to the alternatives here - you don't have to get back with her, or wait for her to get back with you. The other way isn't all doom and gloom - you can be happy single. Trust me, I did it
I know it hurts, but you have to move on.
Move on kid, save yourself the hassle.
I know you love her and everything, but just because you love eachother doesn't mean you're right for eachother... I think whats just happened has sort of proved that.
I realise I'm blinded by love at the minute. But I also know I spent 3yrs rejecting girls (yes I did) because I just didnt like them in general. What really attracted me to her was that she isnt influenced by what others say or do or wear, and she applies this to everything in her life. Every choice she ever makes is totally unbiased.
Girls with biased opinions, biased anything, this leads to lies and other shit like that. I cant stand girls who lie to me. She never lied to me about anything. And I have sufficient proof of that. Thats why I love her despite how she treats me sometimes. Someone in the world is going to have to accept that she is her own person and will treat people like that. It might as well be me, because she's the only unbiased girl I've ever met. People can have disorders, mental problems, or just simple social skill problems. All of that can be easily changed with time. I love her the way she is, because I'm probably the only guy who can see how she actually is.
I know it sounds like I'm just making excuses for her, but even my friends agree with me.
But the simple fact is that she can't be in love with you, because otherwise she wouldn't want two boyfriends. Even asking to have two boyfriends is taking the piss. She wouldn't even have the nerve to ask if she didn't think that you were a soft touch. She thinks that she can keep you around as a soft option whilst she experiments on other blokes to see what she likes.
Well, maybe in that she is right, because it seems that you are prepared to stick around, but I certainly wouldn't stand for that.
You said earlier that there was no way that she can have two boyfriends, but what you are doing by waiting is giving her two boyfriends, you just don't have the girlfriend.
Quite the contrary on your reasoning for her to have more than one boyfriend though. Where she lives now, every girl she knows has multiple boyfriends. Maybe there's a shortage of women, I dont know. Its either peer pressure or logical reasoning that she should be able to have two. Especially because having only me is almost like having no boyfriend at all.
As I said, she wasnt like this before. But I can definitely see where she's coming from. And that added with why I love her, is why I'm willing to wait for her. When I say I'll wait 2yrs I hope you realise that if I found someone better I'd give up on her. But I doubt that will happen.
She stood up to her father for me once. In her culture this is absolute taboo. She would have seen this as suicide, almost literally. She was beaten by her father, and then her older brother had a go at her. She couldnt sit down from all the bruises for 2 weeks. And she took it like a man, all to stand up for me. And just to clarify, she knew a beating would occur and it could have easily been avoided if she just didnt say anything.
So I may be giving, but I'm also recieving in that way.
Any ideas on what would help me endure the first week or so of this? The boredom leads to thinking, thinking leads to more heartbreak and crying, and I can imagine my sorry ass begging for her to have me and that other prick just so I'd be back in the loop.
I have no advice on getting through the first week. I find it easier to torture myself by reading old letters, listening to our songs and sitting about where my boyfriends clothes. Cry lots, get it all out. Indulge yourself, wallow in self pity. But ultimatly you have to move on.