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Paranoid about your BF/GF ???
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi Guys,
My name is Leon and i've just registered to this site today after doing a Google search of "How can I trust my GF more".. Before I start I hope that knowone will judge me, or make horrible comments.. I'm going to say what I say now because I feel like I have no-one to talk to about this.
I met my girlfriend online (scarey I know) but has worked out beautifully... I moved from up north down to the south to be with her. I changed my job, rented a house and have being with her now for the last 3 months !! Many people will say that we haven't been together long enough etc etc ... but only we know how we feel, because we're the one's experiencing it.
I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 18 (but very VERY mature and acts 30) she's a very honest and trusting person and I love her very very much - but due to being totally walked over in a previous relationship.. I have that annoying bug/feeling inside me that tell's me to worry when she's either going out - or going to spend along time apart from me.
I was promised the world by a previous GF - "I'll never leave you - cheat on you - your the only man for me" etc etc, and I bought it hook like and sinker ! and I really don't want this to happen again.. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriend, I just feel at time's that i'm not good enough for her, or that there are so many better looking men out there than me, why pick me ??? when she can almost have anyone she want's !
She said she wanted to be with me because of my willingness to do anything for her, to move and be with her, to shift my job etc etc.. also the fact that everytime I open my mouth it seems to make her laugh, no matter what I say !
Last weekend she went out on a saturday night ... and all I could do was sit at home and smoke ... and smome ... and smoke ! thing is im not even a smoker.. but feel it's the only think to help time pass and calm myself down.
I have to admit, I don't have ONE friend where I am now.. I've being her for 3 months and there is not ONE person in my phone book that I can call and chat to !very sad I know but the truth.
I'm looking for advise on how to put previous cock-up's behind me ! How i can get rid of that inner gremlin that tell's me not to trust her ? or atleast that something might be going on behind my back !!
PLEASE HELP.
Many thanks
Leon C
My name is Leon and i've just registered to this site today after doing a Google search of "How can I trust my GF more".. Before I start I hope that knowone will judge me, or make horrible comments.. I'm going to say what I say now because I feel like I have no-one to talk to about this.
I met my girlfriend online (scarey I know) but has worked out beautifully... I moved from up north down to the south to be with her. I changed my job, rented a house and have being with her now for the last 3 months !! Many people will say that we haven't been together long enough etc etc ... but only we know how we feel, because we're the one's experiencing it.
I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 18 (but very VERY mature and acts 30) she's a very honest and trusting person and I love her very very much - but due to being totally walked over in a previous relationship.. I have that annoying bug/feeling inside me that tell's me to worry when she's either going out - or going to spend along time apart from me.
I was promised the world by a previous GF - "I'll never leave you - cheat on you - your the only man for me" etc etc, and I bought it hook like and sinker ! and I really don't want this to happen again.. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriend, I just feel at time's that i'm not good enough for her, or that there are so many better looking men out there than me, why pick me ??? when she can almost have anyone she want's !
She said she wanted to be with me because of my willingness to do anything for her, to move and be with her, to shift my job etc etc.. also the fact that everytime I open my mouth it seems to make her laugh, no matter what I say !
Last weekend she went out on a saturday night ... and all I could do was sit at home and smoke ... and smome ... and smoke ! thing is im not even a smoker.. but feel it's the only think to help time pass and calm myself down.
I have to admit, I don't have ONE friend where I am now.. I've being her for 3 months and there is not ONE person in my phone book that I can call and chat to !very sad I know but the truth.
I'm looking for advise on how to put previous cock-up's behind me ! How i can get rid of that inner gremlin that tell's me not to trust her ? or atleast that something might be going on behind my back !!
PLEASE HELP.
Many thanks
Leon C
0
Comments
You sounded like my man before you said its only been 3 months heh. we met the same way & he also moved from up north to down south to be with me. He hasnt really got any mates yet either. Maybe you need to do something where you can meet new people liek a hobby or something. Would help the confidenc thing i think.
Going out and meeting new people is very hard at the moment, not knowing anyone for starters is where the problem lays...
My work colleagues have invited me out recently, but due to other things going on I haven't been able to go .. and to be honest the lads that work here are very "jack the lad" type, and that's not reallymy cup-of-tea !
So what happened to you ? and what's the best bit of advise you can give me ?
When I watched my girlfriend chose her clothes to go out in, she looked so beautiful, and instead of telling her that .. I made stoopid comments about what other guys would think and say/do.
She came home and laughed about some asian guy making a pass at her, and that she pushed him away etc etc ! it make's me mad in a way.. so it's not that i dont trust her - I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut and compliment her, instead of making comments which may spoil her night ..
"easier said than done" is what springs to mind !
Leon xx
Other people on here can probably advise you better about that.
As for not being into clubbing ect, i so know what you mean, thats another reason why i find it hard to make mates as LOTS of people are into clubbing ect & i'm not, then when they wanna go out its me who is the boring one as i'm not interested.
Perhaps you could go to the gym or something? Thats something you could do alone & perhaps meet people whilst there?
I cannot really offer you any great advice but you arent alone. I understand exactly where you are coming from.
And it does make us sound boring, but some people like to be out drinking andclubbing 24/7 - were as prefer to use the money to getmy debts paid off, and to treat my girlfriend with small presents and stuff she'll appreciate.
Your advise has being fantastic so far - feel free to continue ! hehe
I'm in Brighton by the way ! and my god it's cold down here this time of the year :-(
Leon xx
Shame you arent in Bristol, you could have got to know me & my man, hes my toyboy at 23.
Its bloody freezing here too, you should go and introduce yourself in the introduce yourself bit & stay a while *nods*.
Are you sure he can handle you ?
If I can find my way to the section you mentioned then I will have a look certainly.
Leon x
Heh yeah he can handle me, just about lol.
Yeah this is a nice place to come to get things off your chest & have a laugh. Must be i been here long enough.
If you can't find your way around ask...
Any chance of a link to the forum you want me to goto ?
pm'ed you
for example if she did something to break your trust early on then i think you would find it hard to ever trust her (speaking from experience) but as time goes on and she doesnt break that trust it should set your mind at rest.
As for you wanting to meat new people, im sure your girlfriend would introduce you to her friends and their boyfriends? Its not easy to just go out and make friends i know-the only friends i have are the ones ive had since school, the ones i met at college and from uni. The rest are just aquantances(sp)...ive gotton on with people ive worked with but i wouldnt call them friends if you know what i mean.
i have a 23-year-old toyboy too
he moved north to be with me, and was in your situation for a while. it wasn't ideal, but he's been here nearly 2 years now and has more friends up here than i do! it's just a matter of time. you won't make friends overnight.
and the trust thing - again time.
I don't think I will ever have friend like the one's I have back home.. going through school and college with them, you learn so much about them and feel 110% confident in saying or doing anything you like.
I want to feel like I did when I was a holiday rep in Ayia Napa, I admit I got attention ! simply because ladies love to see a holiday rep waving a clip board around shouting "thomsons this way please, thomsons this way" hehe if you know what I mean !
I've recently requested some Weights, as a present from my GF, so i'm going to bulk myself up a little and do it with some really loud music on, and maybe try to boost that ego a little bit ! not that I have one but again you know what I mean ...
It's so easy talking to people I don't know about this, but when I mention it to my GF, she simply says that "you don't have to trust the other lads, aslong as you trust me then that's all that matter"
I need to make her understand the problem doesn't lay with my trust for her, it's the other w4nkers out there thinking they can use her a sex toy ! does my head in :-(
I'm spending NYE in the pub with my friends and boyfriend, and his best friend Liam. Liam is single and will probably be doing the rounds of the pub, latching on to any thing in a skirt, with my boyfriend following closely behind. Am I paranoid that my boyfriend will end up steaming drunk and get off with some random in the same room as me? Yes. Am I being silly? Yes.
We went to play some pool the other night, had a few beers and stuff like that ! the guys on the table behind me had show interest in my GF, obviously by eagle-eying her and talking amongst themselfs etc etc ... THAT is what annoys me ! I trust her 110%, I just hate the silly sods who try and make something out of it !
I don't like to fight, so I end up bottling up and not approaching them .. im not the type who would make a show in public.. blah ! why can't all men just be like me and be happy with what they have, and leabe other people's girlfriends alone !!!! wishfull thinking ??
Leon xx
Here a quick example of what happens..
She'll go out at 8pm, I get home from ork at 6pm, make some food and a cuppa coffee ! then try to fall asleep to kill the time.
Then at 1am when she send's me the text message to say she's in the taxi and on her way round to my house ! I feel on top of the world... because I know she's on her way back to me.. selfish ???
Its more than likely that she dislikes this attention as much as you do. I've found that the less you acknowledge the intruders of your evening, the more likely they are to go away. Remember, they're the ones having to lech over someone elses GF cos they can't get their own. Just chill and remember that shes with you, and like you say, she could be with anyone, but she chose you, as long as shes as nice as you say she is and isn't just using you cos you're a nice guy, then be happy with what you have. It sounds like you know what your problem is and you know the answer, you just need some reassurance.
Leon xxx
Catch my drift ?
Leon
At least shes not treating you like a fool (to your face at least) and using you, she seems geniune from what you say.
My boyfriends ex-wife blatantly flirted and has even been physical with other men in front of him while they were together. She was using him for what she could get and then left him for a bloke who took her to Hastings for the weekend. Just goes to show she was a cheap lay.
As long as your GF treats you with respect then you have to trust her. Maybe talk to her about it? I tell you what, it'd make me feel good in a way, to know that my boyfriend got jealous and protective, he hasn't shown that since we've been together and it'd make me feel almost desired I suppose knowing that he wouldn't want another man anywhere near me. And the reassurance you'd get from her would be comforting too!
I have heard that been said before... In a way I don't agree with it, although it may make her feel more desired and loved, I don't get to see the benifits of it... If it made her talk about it more, then maybe I would believe it work's.. But I tell her all the time that I love her to pieces, and that I would love to spend the rest of my life with her (if she'll have me that is) Her parents love me to bits, and to be honest she is always hugging me and kissing me and wanting me to brush her hair, cuddle up etc etc (got i sound like a right plonker!!! LOL) but again i'm sure you know what I mean..
She know's I worry - but doesn't seem to Understand why!!! could It be that i'm her first ever boyfriend who has wanted to stay with her for longer than 3 months ?? in-experience with feelings and commitment ??? who know's ! all I know is that I want to be happy with her ! she know's I earn good money @ work and has NEVER taken liberties of asked for anything !
Ohhhhhhhhhhh Dear .... LOL why am I even complaining ? I think it might have just hit home ... if two people love each other, and both show there effection in different ways .. it's not a cause for concern right ?
Come on ladies... what do you like from your men ?
I always tell her I love her (and I mean it)
I do almost everything for her, carry her bags home from college and in town, buy the dinner and drinks ... even wash her in the bath (lol and no she's not fat and lazy ! lol)
???????????????/
Leon xxxx
*sighs* How sweet are you?!
If been myself make's me sweet then that's a bonus, just need to make my in-securiy levels decrease a little :-)
Well, you're super sweet all the same.
I'm sure she knows shes a lucky girl. Everyones insecure. I'm the same! I'm my own worst enemy, I have arguements with myself in my head about whether my boyfriend loves me or wants me or finds me attractive, I think he can do better, etc etc. But I'm working on the art of concentrating on what I have with him and not thinking about ridiculous things, unless I have a valid reason to.
I think in the past three months I've used the word SORRY then i have I LOVE YOU .. not nice knowing that and is certainly something I will have to change !
no offence matey, but i think i'd find that a bit suffocating.
I wash her hair in the bath because we bath together, she baths me and I bath her ..
How is that suffocating ?
no offence taken and no offence meant ! :-)
Leon
The way you treat her is quite old fashioned so I can see why Kaffrin would find it suffocating, but if she likes it, then theres no problem.
Personally, I don't mind the whole opening doors and pulling out chairs for me thing, but I make sure that I pay for dinner etc every so often to make sure he knows that I'm not taking him for a ride. Plus it makes me feel good to pay for things every now and again, I make my own money, I dont need my other half to pay for everything.