Am I boring my partner to death?!

Former Member

Urgh. I've got the most horrible feeling that I'm boring in bed.

My partner and I use the same position because I dont really like being on top and I'm too scared to try doggy style. I lied and told my boyfriend that I'd tried it and I didn't like it. I'm a sap. I know full well theres a kinky bitch inside me dying to get out, but I'm too nervous to try new things. I love wearing sexy underwear but at the same time I'm terrified that I look like a complete arse.

In a perfect world I'd look fucking sexy in a corset and suspenders and would try every position under the sun...but at the moment, I don't see that happening.

I think hes going to get bored of me and that terrifies me, as I know his ex-wife was an upforanything whore.

*sulks*

Help?

Former Member

Re: Am I boring my partner to death?!

Originally posted by SuicideBlonde
I know his ex-wife was an upforanything whore.

But he's with you now... so you must be doing something right :yes:

you could try with the lights off to begin with, you'd be supprised how much easier things can be sometimes. I think worrying about it is making it much harder for you to do the things that you want, but any one in the same possition would worry!

So, try turning the lights off, and when you're playing around, get on top of him. Not neccisarly to have sex in that position, just to feel comfortable being on top of him while you're playing around.
Or purhaps try 69'ing, that's always good...

Then, if things feel right (or they do the next time - no need to rush ) try going for it with you on top of him.

This will probably make you that little bit more comfortable to try other things too! :thumb:

Former Member

Re: Re: Am I boring my partner to death?!

Originally posted by Theydon Bois
But he's with you now... so you must be doing something right :yes:

you could try with the lights off to begin with, you'd be supprised how much easier things can be sometimes. I think worrying about it is making it much harder for you to do the things that you want, but any one in the same possition would worry!

So, try turning the lights off, and when you're playing around, get on top of him. Not neccisarly to have sex in that position, just to feel comfortable being on top of him while you're playing around.
Or purhaps try 69'ing, that's always good...

Then, if things feel right (or they do the next time - no need to rush ) try going for it with you on top of him.

This will probably make you that little bit more comfortable to try other things too! :thumb:

Hehe, true that. We usually turn the main light off and keep a small lamp on, although I love sex in the dark, I just think not being able to see eachother is sexy, just feeling is enough for me. Its mostly that I have a problem with my weight, Im not slim, and therefore panic about my rolls and my flab. Hence, not being able to dress up and stuff. Gah!

JsT

go to ann summers and find some sexy pyjamas or nurses outfit and lure him that way. attempt to be more dominant in the bed. maybe if you felt more in control then you would be more comfortable. hand cuffs are the best way to gain that dominance.:)

JsT

(btw that wasnt me ;o )

Former Member

Originally posted by JsT
(btw that wasnt me ;o )

Fnar, Im sure

He owns handcuffs.....so I'm sure he wouldn't mind that. I'm tempted to use them. I showed him the nurses outfit on AnneSummers.com and he said it was a bit boring

JsT

Originally posted by SuicideBlonde
Fnar, Im sure
(

Lol, it was one of my more sexually educated college mates. Sex crazed loony she is!

Former Member

Originally posted by JsT
Lol, it was one of my more sexually educated college mates. Sex crazed loony she is!

Hey, get her on dammit!

Former Member

Originally posted by JsT
Lol, it was one of my more sexually educated college mates. Sex crazed loony she is!

A likely story.

SuicideBlonde, everyone always witters on about how great being on top is, but not all women like it. You're not a freak for not liking it.

What position you have sex in isn't important, though it's nice to have a bit of variety.

Don't fret about your weight hon, he liked you enough to pick you up and he likes you enough to keep having sex with you. If he was bored he wouldn't have sex with you, and if he hated your weight he wouldn't have sex with you.

If you are a bigger girl you would look good in things such as a corset and suspenders, and if you have a good bust you'd look good in things like a nurse's uniform or a maid's outfit.

Talking about sex is a great sign of intimacy, have you talked about fantasies with your partner? Finding out what he likes, and talking about what you like and want to do, is the best way of getting better sex.

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit


If you are a bigger girl you would look good in things such as a corset and suspenders, and if you have a good bust you'd look good in things like a nurse's uniform or a maid's outfit.

Talking about sex is a great sign of intimacy, have you talked about fantasies with your partner? Finding out what he likes, and talking about what you like and want to do, is the best way of getting better sex.

I'm going to take the plunge and pop into Anne Summers when I get paid to see if I can find anything. I know I've just got to let myself go I suppose.

I haven't really talked about it with him no. I find it hard to express how I feel. Letting my insecurities and deepest desires out in the open terrifies me. And writing an email about it seems so inpersonal. (is that actually a word or am I making it up?!). I'm just worried about having to live up to his ex who obviously did anything and everything.

JsT

Originally posted by Kermit
A likely story.

No really! RLY! How else do you explain the terrible punctuation and lack of capitalization.

Former Member

Hmm, see variety is always good, but always remember it's about both of you and he needs to involve himself in all this as well. Communication could be key to bringing up your confidence - you shouldn't be the only one having to initiate new stuff...I mean ask him what he likes, ask him if he thinks you could try more variety in positions and if he would mind taking time to help you adjust and experiment with new ideas. Go on a website even, look at less adventurous positions to start off with, but just things that are a little different, and maybe that'll inspire you. Look at them together and then you can both comment on things that you'd like to try. Me and ex bf use to do that - was a good laugh but also helped us discover what the both of us liked.

Malt Munk xxx

Former Member

I bet he loves you how you are, it doesn't matter what you do in bed. I think the reason having sex with someone is so exciting is because you're having sex with them - there might be different positions that make it more adventurous but at the end of the day he just wants to be with you, however.

I would recommend moving slowly at a pace you are comfortable with - if you jump in head first with something to try to make him feel turned on then you might get so nervous you won't actually enjoy it - and where's the point in that?

Former Member

One thing I like to do to put a good atmos int he bed room is a lava lamp, I have a nice orange and blue one, gives the room a very warm glow, not as good as candle light but still good, maybe the situation can be adapted to help your frame of mind

Former Member

Thanks people.

Well I've got 2 weeks to brew up some sexy ideas as I'm going away this weekend and won't be getting him nekkid till the weekend after

Former Member

The fact that youre scared and nervous of trying new things says it all.
Dressing up in a corset and suspenders does not = great sex if youre too nervous to do anything other than missionary. You need to relax and actually start enjoying it yourself before yu start wasting money on props like kinky outfits.
Whenever I dont feel confident, the best trick ive found is to just PRETEND I am confident. I dont just mean in sex, it can work for any situation, but I think itd work for sex too. Play act what you think youd do if you werent scared and that in itself gives confidence, especially when you realise that hes not gonna laugh or think worse of you, hes going to love it.
I know it must be hard to feel confident about yourself if youre comparing yourself to his ex all the time. Im wondering how you know exactly she was up for anything, because thats not the kind of thing he should have been mentioning to you. Its beside the point anyway because you are not a performer, trying to act, youve got to do it for yourself in order to have a satisfying sex life, now and in the future. Youre selling yourself short by just lying there in the missionary position.

Former Member

Originally posted by rainbow brite
Im wondering how you know exactly she was up for anything, because thats not the kind of thing he should have been mentioning to you. Its beside the point anyway because you are not a performer, trying to act, youve got to do it for yourself in order to have a satisfying sex life, now and in the future. Youre selling yourself short by just lying there in the missionary position.

I was awfully naughty and peeked at a letter he wrote to his ex after they broke up (the book fell on the floor and I decided not to close it. Im going to Hell, I know) and it mentioned about how he took pictures of her and they had 4 times a night sex (whereas he and I have had sex twice in one night...once). Plus she was a whore who cheated on him many a time so I can't imagine her being the shy retiring type.

Is pretending to be confident as easy as it sounds?

Former Member

I find pretending to be confident works and it usually gets to the point where I am not having to pretend anymore.

Former Member

Originally posted by SuicideBlonde
I was awfully naughty and peeked at a letter he wrote to his ex after they broke up (the book fell on the floor and I decided not to close it. Im going to Hell, I know) and it mentioned about how he took pictures of her and they had 4 times a night sex (whereas he and I have had sex twice in one night...once). Plus she was a whore who cheated on him many a time so I can't imagine her being the shy retiring type.

Is pretending to be confident as easy as it sounds?

Taking pictures and having sex 4 times in a night do not mean she was a sex god. Those are two, not majorly great things.
You also have to remember they were married, they had along time to get to the point of doing these things.
And the fact she cheated so much actually makes her out to be insecure and selfish - not great in bed.

Yes pretending to be confident is quite easy, especially if you have a couple of drinks beforehand
Try concentrating on enjoying sex yourself more than worrying about his pleasures, and TALK about your feelings, i'm sure he'll help relax you about your worries.

Former Member

by the way, theres nothing wrong with missionary if thats what suits you both. Missionary can be lovely and intimate. it just strikes me that youre not really enjoying it though and youre hung up on something.

Former Member

If he didn't fancy you he wouldn't be with you simple enough So you say you have rolls etc. he most likely loves you exactly as you are. I think if you were to talk about it with him, explain that you're not the most confident person, i think he'll probably just turn round and say are you mad woman i fancy the pants off you. You'd be amazed the difference in yourself if he actually told you this. My ex told me a few things and it made me realise that he was with me for me and he liked me exactly the way i was. It made sex a hell of a lot easier after that as i felt more relaxed about doing different things knowing he liked my body.

Former Member

Iv found most women prefer the man to be on top but Id always assumed this was because they are lazy, and just like lying back and thinking of england.

Former Member

I don't tend to be thinking of England when I am bed with my bloke.

Former Member

Originally posted by Blah_ha
I don't tend to be thinking of England when I am bed with my bloke.

Why you scottish.

Former Member

No.

Former Member

Originally posted by Iknowyourmum
Why you scottish.

LMAO.

Former Member

Ok, so it seems like I just need to give it some time?

We've been together for about 6 months and I'm still not hugely confident. He used to tell me how much he fancied me and that I had something that drove him crazy, but hes stopped saying these things, but I dont want him to have to say them all the time, I should know this already. Bah, no matter how many times he tells me Im beautiful, I dont take any notice and still feel fat and digusting.

I enjoy sex with him, but as Ms Brite mentioned, I'm concentrating more on what hes thinking and not my personal enjoyment. I just need to learn how to let go I suppose. I'm gonna give this acting malarky a try. Its every so often I get really minxy and dominant, but not often enough really!

Former Member

my friend also told me she dont like doggy style because she wants him to see her face and i never understood it properly. I have to agree with what some people said, if he is and continues to have sex with you im sure he wont be bothered about your weight size rolls etc.

I also agree that chatting to him abou it could help
.matt

Former Member

Does your partner have a perfect model-esque body himself? Has he ever given you reason to think he doesnt actively like the way you look, or is it something youve conjured up in your head?
I know my partner is a bit chubbier than when I first met him, but I think he looks better for it. I dont feel that things like podgy bits, spots, imperfections make any difference whatsoever. To me sex is about being intimate and having fun with someone you love (or really like) and I certainly dont spend ANY time at all judging imperfections,especially when in the height of passion and I very much doubt many other people do either.

Former Member

Originally posted by rainbow brite
Does your partner have a perfect model-esque body himself? Has he ever given you reason to think he doesnt actively like the way you look, or is it something youve conjured up in your head?
I know my partner is a bit chubbier than when I first met him, but I think he looks better for it. I dont feel that things like podgy bits, spots, imperfections make any difference whatsoever. To me sex is about being intimate and having fun with someone you love (or really like) and I certainly dont spend ANY time at all judging imperfections,especially when in the height of passion and I very much doubt many other people do either.

No not at all, hes got a bit of podge around his tummy, but other than that, hes not overweight but he isn't exactly buff either.

He hasn't given me any reason to think these things other than that he often points out gorgeous women in mens magazines. He says I dont need to lose weight and Im perfect the way I am, but I cant see how he can find these FHM girls so horny and then look at me and feel the same way. Ive been insecure about myself all my life, I've never been happy with my body and sex has always been an issue. Although, saying that, I'm more confident now than I ever had been, I actually let him see me in the light and don't hide under the covers, but at the same time, I care more about what he thinks than anyone else.

Former Member

To be brutally honest with you, its me. Its my stupid head. I'm paranoid, insecure and I think too much. I make up silly scenarios in my head that haunt my thoughts and reading how he felt about his ex hasn't helped at all as its been bugging me ever since. I worry that he'll never feel the same about me as he did about her and its worse, because they were married etc.

I've had this problem all my life, I think about things far too much and don't give myself time to relax.