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What exactly is my problem?

Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
in Sex & Relationships
Why can't I seem to get any true friends, people to trust, to hang out with, to live?
It's not shyness, or at least not simple shyness, because I don't have the tiniest problem saying hi to anyone at all. And when I'm in a discussion I often (not always) not speak much, and not because I'm afraid to, but because I simply can't think of something to say.
Many times in the past, people who I seem to be getting along fine, suddenly just turned me away. Some more politely than others, some in the worst way possible, and in one case they simply stopped talking to me, almost as if I had done something terrible to them. And I never got a real explanation from any one of them.

There seems to be a problem with me, but how can I solve it if I don't know what it is? I'm always doing my best to be good company, but I never get invited anywhere... I hate being alone, and I don't want that thing to happen again...
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Any ideas? Please?
    At that point, I could believe anything. From a mad scientist breaking into my house and spraying me with friend repellent at night to a satanist's spirit cursing me for throwing stones at the house he used to live in.
    Aside from the (probably failed) attempt at humour, I am really worried it will happen again. What could be it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you expect there to be a problem then there will be one.

    90% of all communication is non-verbal.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by Kermit
    If you expect there to be a problem then there will be one.

    90% of all communication is non-verbal.
    Nice one. But the first 3 or 4 times that happened (I forget) I didn't even think there might be a problem, so that's not the problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are scared of going for it then you will push people away.

    Some people are just arseholes.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by Kermit
    If you are scared of going for it then you will push people away.

    Some people are just arseholes.
    So my problem is simply being unlucky enough to keep running into them? And I don't know about all of them, but a couple of them were anything but "arseholes". One possibly saved my life at some point, that hardly sounds like an "arsehole".

    Oh, and I certainly aren't scared of "going for it". I had a very good day today (relatively at least) and it wasn't out of pure chance, but because I "went for it".
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Without much info it's hard to say.

    It takes two to keep a friendship going, and they won't keep it going if you don't.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by Kermit
    It takes two to keep a friendship going, and they won't keep it going if you don't.
    I know that. In all cases it wasn't me who didn't want to keep it going. They simply made it quite clear, in different ways, that they didn't want to be around me anymore.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Is it me or is nobody here taking me seriously? Sorry if I seem frantic about this, but I am. It's happened at least 5 times in the past. It's not because people were just assholes, so it has to be something about myself that drives them away. But nobody ever explained it to me, and I'm afraid that if I don't find it and correct it, whatever it is, it will keep happening.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your own paranoia will be the only thing to make it again.

    There isn't really much else that can be said, sadly. No, it very probably isn't something that you do. But as we don't know you it could be that you smell;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm I think I have passed through that... more or less :crazyeyes so one day I was there... many many friends.... the other day... puff! I was alone :(

    ok, so you are not alone in this problem... you know... people actualy are almost all selfish... they don't think how about one feels... so.. if they don't think about you.... YOU are the one who have to start... and... then... try to meet new people... I mean... you HAVE to have someone... hidden maybe :confused:

    well anyway... good luck... you can do it ;)

    if I did... you can do it too!
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Let me thank you for acknowledging my existence here.
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    so.. if they don't think about you.... YOU are the one who have to start... and... then... try to meet new people... I mean... you HAVE to have someone... hidden maybe :confused:
    I can start what? I can't do anything and invite people, because I'm 98% ignorant of what to do. And, I met new people less than a year ago, when I first started uni. Did anything change? No, it was an exact replication of the situation at school. It's no use meeting more new people without knowing what the problem is, because the same thing would happen.
    And "I have to have someone"? What does that mean :confused::confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that suposly means that you know somebody who you trust... your mom? I trust mine :) she is a good friend... and I also have a friend (yes, I can call her a friend) which I have seen just a couple of times... next weekend will be the third :D well.. anyway... internet can do mirales too... besades that girl... I can say I have a truly friend I never met... there are million way to make a friend... you can do it!!! I mean... there are millions and millions of people out there ;)


    and you're welcome ;) too glad to help :)
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    that suposly means that you know somebody who you trust... your mom? I trust mine :) she is a good friend... and I also have a friend (yes, I can call her a friend) which I have seen just a couple of times... next weekend will be the third :D well.. anyway... internet can do mirales too... besades that girl... I can say I have a truly friend I never met... there are million way to make a friend... you can do it!!! I mean... there are millions and millions of people out there ;)


    and you're welcome ;) too glad to help :)
    Please, my mum couldn't be trusted with something as simple as remembering to ask a question...
    People I can trust? Well, neatly no one I currently know has betrayed my trust in any way, so who can't I trust? On the other hand, there is ONE who is the closest thing to a friend, but even if I can trust him (I've been betrayed by people I trusted more than once) how is that going to help?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    won't you feel saffer with someone who you trust? :confused: well I do...

    Try not to be so... pessimist... realy.... it may seems like it is an unusefull advice, but try it... just try and then you'll see things getting better... I don't know, I mean.. we are all different, but it worked for me...
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    won't you feel saffer with someone who you trust? :confused: well I do...

    Try not to be so... pessimist... realy.... it may seems like it is an unusefull advice, but try it... just try and then you'll see things getting better... I don't know, I mean.. we are all different, but it worked for me...
    Thanks, I understand what you mean. And I do think that if I believed I could trust no one I'd be worse.
    As for my pessimism, it's the effect, not the cause. I wasn't a pessimist in the past (quite the opposite really) and still the same thing happened. That's why I do believe there has to be something wrong with me that makes people turn away.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you are just in the wrong place :p

    I mean... you are 19 (right?)

    You have your wwwwwhhhooollllleeeee life to live... you only have to... try something different :)

    people say that on internet one cannot make a truth relationship...

    LIE!!!! I'm so happy, I'll see a friend from internet next weekend :D

    no realy... try something different from the usual... I'll not give up... you will stay fine! I'm telling you :p

    Be afraidddddd... be veryyyyyyyy afraid :p
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    When you say "different" do you think out of character? Because I've been thinking about that for long, but all "out of character" things I could do are either wrong or I have no idea how to do them.

    ETA: Thanks for not giving up. It's funny, but sometimes in the past I think I could have changed something (even in a tiny way) if I had been pressured enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are so cute :)

    No realy... By something different I was thinking of something you did never do...

    :hyper: have you ever thought of a sport or something? I do kick-boxing... It is great... realy... 1. you get rid of stress 2. you feel more protected 3. you get meet new people!!! :D

    There are many ways to meet new people... just... don't use that stupid thing: "May I meet you?" It is soooooo disgusting :crazyeyes realy...
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I see what you mean... I've been thinking about something like that for some time, actually, but I need to push myself to try and find something like that.
    But I still think this: If I met new people, what's to say anything will be different than the last time(s) I did?

    I'll be back tomorrow, so don't hurry to answer...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I won't be back tomorrow, I'll have biology teste on Tuesday....

    Anyway... Try it and shut up :p (joking ;) )

    No realy... the thing that will be different is that now you are prepared... right?

    Oh, I might be back on Tueday or Wednesday :p

    Stay well (that's an order) **
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Don't worry, I don't see things getting any worse anytime soon, Good luck with the test.
    But I think I'd say I can't be more prepared than I was the last time, and even if I am, it won't make a difference.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will...

    (Hi!!! Breakfast time :p)

    and I repeat... don't be so pessimist!
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    It will...

    (Hi!!! Breakfast time :p)

    and I repeat... don't be so pessimist!
    I'm trying not to, but I really think there's something wrong with me that I need to fix. And that isn't being pessimistic.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Zalbor
    But I think I'd say I can't be more prepared than I was the last time, and even if I am, it won't make a difference.

    This is being pessimist. I think. Look there is one two people that have to like you very very much... you and your mother. Do you like you? Try to answer that to you, not to me. Don't answer now... I, personaly, think better after a bit, and while I'm writing... Try to write anything, even if it doesn't make any sense. You'll get to know you better... I mean... If you think that is something wrong with you... we'll fix it :p


    (tk u for the good luck :D)
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I meant that even if I am pessimistic (which I never said I wasn't) this isn't the cause of the problem, only the effect.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    (tk u for the good luck :D)
    Well, it's the least I can do. Good luck in everything else too...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ttttkkkk uuuuuuuuuuuu :D

    to u 2 =)

    but... you can do my test, don't you want to? :p joking... just.. try to know you ;)
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    ttttkkkk uuuuuuuuuuuu :D

    to u 2 =)

    but... you can do my test, don't you want to? :p joking... just.. try to know you ;)
    Well, biology isn't my best anyway. But I used to let people copy, I just rarely whispered. And I always warned them if I thought I was wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why are we "talking" about biology? :p I think I know everything I need... think :x but... thank you for the 100000000x :D
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Originally posted by not_an_angel
    why are we "talking" about biology? :p I think I know everything I need... think :x but... thank you for the 100000000x :D
    Thanks for what? Even if I wanted to tell you the answers, I'd have to shout very loud. :p (Another probably failed attempt at humour.)

    I'm still thinking about what I could do as "Something different"... Kick-boxing might be right for you, and I do think that hitting something helps get rid of some stress (I hit my mattress usually) but something like that involves getting bruised too, doesn't it?
    I've been thinking for some time about starting spanish lessons, or finding some kind of (not sure how to call it in english) amateur club about something (possibly acting, at least just to try) but I still think that there's a problem in (probably) my behaviour that drives people away once they get to know me a bit better. And also, about the "club" option, I have no idea how to find one...
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