falling in love with your best mate

Former Member

i have a problem:

i think i'm falling in love with my best mate, and i'm scared that if we do get together that when it would end, we would hate each other, as that has happened to some extent with his past girlfriend. he is single-yay!, though i don't think he's ready for another relationship as yet, because he had a bad spilt with his girlfriend-who is also my best mate :S only 4/5 weeks ago, and he's still quite hung up on it, as it wasn't nice. i don't know if he likes me but i don't even wanna aproch that for another few weeks.

his ex now has a new boyfriend, but i still feel as though i need to ask her to make sure that she deffiniatly no longer has any feelings left for him, otherwise it would make us hate each other, and that is the last thing i want to do.

i'm not sure whether even bringing up the subject with him is a good idea, cos i really want to keep our friendship above everything else

also-now this is quite a stupid point but any way- he is 6 ft 3, and i'm 5 ft 1. i don't care if it looked odd, but would it affect our relationship? i was thinking about it, and i woulds have thought not as his last girlfriend is 5 ft 2 or 3.

is this a totally stupid idea or not?

we do have so much in common- ie pasts wise, both bi, both into gothicy stuff, love music, and photography and digital art. though i'm i being very stupid getting involved with my best mate, and my best mates ex??

p.s. it was a reasonably mutual spilt, but i know she wanted it much more than he did..

Former Member

i wouldn't recommend it, but you can't choose who you fall in love with, and if you don't make a move then you'll probably regret it for a long long time. If i was you, i would give it a little more time, because if you jump into a relationship after he's just split up, and he's still upset about it, then it is a disaster waiting to happen right from the word go.

and the height thing, i wouldn't worry about it too much

Former Member

give it a few more weeks until you even think about about mentioning your feelings to him, for your sake and his.i think its a good thing that you respect the friendship with your mate enough to ask her permission, even though you dont have to
the height thing wont make an ounce of difference, dont worry about that.what matters is that the 3 of you are happy with the situation, when it possibly develops. If your mate has a new b/f, and you talk to her b4 hand, i cant see her being really angry at you - you cant help who you like good luck and follow your :thumb:

Former Member

if she's ur best mate id have a word with her about how u feel. as for the lad give him a little time to get over his ex but if if u really like him, i'd tell him how u feel. if u've got a good friendship nothing'll spoil that but if u say nothing u might regret it. my ex was about a foot taller than me it can be quite funny; we used to be like the yellow pages advert with the boy standing on it to kiss the girl under the mistletoe it was dead funny, but it wasnt a problem.
good luck!!

Former Member

Just because she has a new boyfriend doesn't mean that she would feel ok with yout dating her ex. I would never, ever in a million years go out with the ex of a friend. Ever. It is just an unwritten rule!

Former Member

This might not help, but a few years ago I fell "in love" with my best mate who was a guy. I decided to tell him and ask him out. We went out for 2 weeks then split up. Our "friendship" if you can call that now, was never the same.

Former Member

Originally posted by BumbleBee
Just because she has a new boyfriend doesn't mean that she would feel ok with yout dating her ex. I would never, ever in a million years go out with the ex of a friend. Ever. It is just an unwritten rule!

i talked to her about it, and she was fine with it, she actually said she would be glad to see him with someone else so that he may move on with his life and stop dwelling on the past.

now i don't know whether to wait or to hint it...and how......so confusing..............

Former Member

well, i ended up telling him at 2ish last night. and he was shocked in a good way, and he ays he kinda feels the same. which is great. as yet we aren't together, but after the weekend we might be

thanks to all of you who gave me advice..

Former Member

i don't think anyone's gonna read this now cos it's my 3rd reply to myself in a row :rolleyes:

but....i'm worried i have totaly set myself up for rejection.....the only chance i have to talk to him in person is on friday night....so i'm seriously pushing this now....and the last time i went out, was like a month ago....eek...:eek2: i'm totally unsure as what to do.

Former Member

Originally posted by twisted_trinity
i don't think anyone's gonna read this now cos it's my 3rd reply to myself in a row :rolleyes:

but....i'm worried i have totaly set myself up for rejection.....the only chance i have to talk to him in person is on friday night....so i'm seriously pushing this now....and the last time i went out, was like a month ago....eek...:eek2: i'm totally unsure as what to do.

relax, just chill, if he's shown he's a bit interested then you can make him do the running . For some reason when someone starts pesting me too much I find it a turn off. So try and 'act cool'; just like you would at a normal party :thumb:. And if he doesn't bring it up you could always pull him aside for a chat without losing anything

Former Member

It's not up to his ex, it's up to you. Go follow your heart..but be gentle with him and let him know you'll be there for him and won't hurt him like she did. Good luck hun

Former Member

Originally posted by Jazza Bing
It's not up to his ex, it's up to you. Go follow your heart..but be gentle with him and let him know you'll be there for him and won't hurt him like she did. Good luck hun

thanks

Former Member

hey there.. yeh i fell in luv with my best m8 too....

erm yeh in my experience guys have shit for brains when it comes to telling a gal how he feels n all... just go for it, indeed follow ur heart...

dont worry about any relationship problems affecting your friendship, the likelyness is that if you ever do split up you'll just stay m8s... ive seen it happen before so many times....

hes a guy remember, so "he kinda feels the same" means "he feels the same", and thats that. Dont worry bout rejection, it wont happen!

So yeh stayin cool is definately a good idea, but seeing that ur best m8s you should be able to be frank with eachother without worryin about it...

Good luck!

(hope that this helped)