If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
spanking
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Most people here are probably under 25, but I bet those OLDER were spanked!
And they suffered NO ill effect as a result.
So really is it logical to state that spanking causes 'psychological damage'??!
It cannot, since spanking has occured for ages.
And they suffered NO ill effect as a result.
So really is it logical to state that spanking causes 'psychological damage'??!
It cannot, since spanking has occured for ages.
0
Comments
I don't really agree with hitting children although if someone wanted to simply give their kid a clip round the ear I wouldn't be that bothered about it, it's where you draw the line.
I took a few spanks when I was little and the embarrassment was the worse thing if they did it in public.
I thought you were all in favour of 'rights'.
Also I was never smacked at an older age but the threat was always there if I was misbehaving.
Do parents not need the ability to discipline their children especially when in todays world the law is placing more and more emphasis on parents to discipline their children eg truancy and anti social behaviour orders?
The occassional spanking harms no child.
You can't mollycoddle kids forever!
Attack the poster, not the question huh? Talk of ad hominem!
You're well known to champion the rights of the individual to extreme lengths. So I was genuinely surprised to see your post regarding spanking, since I would have presumed you considered the right of an individual not to be physically assaulted as paramount.
It's a genuine comment not a wind up by the way...
a disciplinary slap does not in my opinion ammount to assault.
btw, I was never hit as a child. My brother was, and hes the one with aggression problems now.
More attacks, huh? Though this one is a bit of a non-sequitur! :cool:
Would you advocate using the cane on, say, adult prisoners if they misbehave in jail?
Some victims of abuse come to terms with it really well and it doesnt cause them huge problems throughout life - that doesnt mean the abuse was OK.
Keep in mind that physical punishment used correctly is not supposed to conform children to social behaviours....it works best when used to keep them safe.
For example, at some age, your child will begin to talk back to you. This is a perfectly normal assertion of their growing independence. Some kids get a smack across the mouth for this. I don't agree with that.
Now take an example of a child who decides to run off and darts across the street, or one who discovers the joy of playing with the stove. In these cases, the pain of receiving a smack is preferable to the consequences of their "bad" actions.
The usual argument is that the child has the same right as an adult not to be assaulted. I once heard someone say, "You wouldn't be allowed to hit your wife, why can you do it to your child?" Well, you wouldn't send your wife into the corner or to bed without supper, either. An adult is fully aware of the consequences of running out into the road or playing with fire, a child is not. The responsibility is on the parent.
Oh and children are NOT the property of their parents. They are the responsibility of their parents - BIG difference. You cant just do what you like with them, they belong to themselves but it is the parents and societys job to keep them safe.
It's not meant as an incentive to be "good". Please reread my post. Absolutely. Take the example of a four year pld who, in his infinite wisdom, informs you that he will "just run away from the car, mommy" when you explain to him how dangerous the street is. Here again, we are not talking about punishment for something that the child is able to understand at his age level. It is better to have them fear getting a spank(which they understand) than to test their limits with something dagerous that they don't understand. That same child, when he turns ten or twelve years old, understands how dangerous a car is, and why you did what you did.
If you have children, you know that no matter how much you safeguard them there are still opportunities for them to get into a dangerous situation. Of course it is better to try to keep them safe. But what happens when you repeatedly tell your toddler not to go near the pool, then one day an older child leaves the gate unlocked? Telling him the dangers of water repeatedly to a young child has less effect of spanking him when you catch him wandering toward the water. It gets wired into him. Creates a kneejerk response not to go there. All the talking in the world can't create the same effect, and you need every safeguard you can.
I think that smacking IS used as an incentive to be good. ie to be good otherwise youll get a smack - thats the incentive.
I do have a child, and I dont smack him for going near water or going near the road. I keep him close by when were near a busy road. I tell him to stay near the wall and not to walk near the road otherwise he will get run over and the cars will squash him. If he goes close to the road i pull him back, and if im not in the mood to do all that, I just use a wrist strap to keep him safe. I dont smack him for going near water either. I tell him to be careful not to fall in otherwise he might drown or really hurt himself, but most of all, I supervise him.
I have smacked him before, but its never done any good, never taught any valuable lessons. It just makes him cry. When ive done it its because I couldnt cope, not because I agree with it. I think its an outdated form of discipline which mainly breeds resentment, fear and humiliation.
Yes, that's why I asked you to re-read my post. I don't believe in smacking my child as an incentive to be good. The only time I used it was to make sure the fear (yes, I said FEAR) of the spanking is preferable to, say, the child getting squashed by a car or burned by a stove type of situation.
Like I said...supervision is best, and telling your child about the dangers is necessary....but there will come a time...just that split second....when the child can slip through your net. Especially if you have more than one child, or an emergency arises.... This was part of my point. I don't think spanking should be done when we can't cope, or we are scared, or to make them be good. It needs to be done with rational thought, or it's just not effective. In fact, it has the opposite effect.
I think you seem confused If I say something that agrees with you. I dont need to re-read your post - I wasnt saying stuff to agree or disagree with you, I was just stating my POV.
abuse is wrong and should never be condoned but I think smacking is sometimes one of the only forms of negative encouragement you can use. Though the teachers at my primary school, when they shouted at me they used to make me cry.
I don't think smacking makes kids 'be' good, how do they know whats good or bad. If I did something bad I'd get a soft slap on the bum, if I did something good I'd get told how good I was.
Again, I'm sorry. I thought it was a response to my points about good behaviour.
your point??????????
I can't imagine flying off the handle and hitting someone I love. That's the scary part to me. And I'm sure it's scary to the child as well to be hit for no reason. It sends a shiver down my spine.
I'm with rainbow brite on this one....Your point????