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They`re over protective IMHO. The idea of being a parent is that you`re supposed to prepare your kids for life, the world and independence, not smother them so they can`t function without you to tell them what to do.
Being the only girl, your parents are probably wary about you going out into the big wide world - they want you to be safe, however I think they're being too over protective.
any suggestions?
my mum said to me earlier when i tried to talk to her about it that she's seen what happens when parents let kids do what ever they want. and i said to her im not everyone else tho am i, i mean i hardly drink, i just dont feel the urge to, i'd not take drugs, and im not gonna go off with some random bloke....how much trouble could i really get in when u cross those 3 off the list?!
well there's an element of trust involved aswell then; my mum trusts that i'm responsible enough to not get involved in things i shouldn't - and even if i did, i'd learn from my mistakes! thing is, your parent's don't seem willing to let you prove yourself to them. is there a close family member/friend that could talk to your parents?
the only person i can think of is my friends mum, the friend im stayin with at the weekend. she's really nice and she's mates with my mum and u can talk to her about anything. i mite have a chat with her over the weekend, she might be able to give me some advice if nothing else
i've never done anything to give them reason to not trust me, i've been the good obediant daughter my whole life
I`d ask her WHEN she plans on allowing you to handle your own responsibilities and decisions, and exercise your own judgement. I`m sorry though, I get the impression she won`t listen.
and you are helping, everyone is. its good to get other perspectives on it.
all i know, is something has to change
i've decided, im going to re-write my letter, tell them i will be home on sunday/monday and that i need my time to do what i want. that things have to change or i will move out. as much as i dont want to. i cant live like this
probably wouldnt work but i think i'll have to do it anyway!
Just as a matter of interest, what would they actually do if you didn`t come in at 10?
the 2 nights i was late back from being with dean, they just had a go at me, kept ringin me etc.
i dont know what they'd do...stop me going out i suppose. tho they couldnt really as i have to go to uni, so i'd just not come home
well, i think it's time for you to be firm and tell them that you'll be back by whenever - you shouldn't have to ask! just say where and when you're going. they can't ask for more than that. if they refuse to co-operate, then i can't see you have any other choice.
They can`t REALLY keep you in - like you said, you have Uni, and also it's false imprisonment once you`re an adult, I think you'll find. If the worst came to the worst and they kicked you out you even have somewhere lined up. And you were thinking of leaving anyway.....
yeah i have places to stay if need be, rent free till i get on my feet.
i've re-writen my letter..what you think...
'I tried talking to you again this week, and again nothing I said was really taken in so I didn’t know what else to do but write you this. I know you only say what you do because you want to look after me and protect me. But I need the opportunity to make my own mistakes.
You know I hardly drink, and you should trust me enough to know I wouldn’t take drugs, or put myself into any danger.
I know in your eyes I’m still a child, but legally now I’m an adult and I think I deserve to be treated more like one.
I can’t think of anything I have done to give you reason not to trust me, I always tell you where I’m going and who I’ll be with.
If I’d moved away to uni I would be out doing what I wanted, if I wanted to. At least while I’m at home you can make sure I’m ok, and you know I’m safe when I get back home after going out.
I don’t want to go out every night, and I know that I have to be home by 10 on a uni night for a reason, I can understand that. I just want to be able to say yes to my friends when they ask me if I want to come out, without having to worry that I have to get home early, or about the arguments I will get if I’m late back.
I always have my phone with me when I go out, so it isn’t even as if you couldn’t get in contact with me if you wanted.
I’m going to spend this weekend at Lisa’s, please don’t try to make me come home, I’ll be back on Sunday by the latest. I know it’s my birthday weekend but I want to go out and have fun before I get lots of uni work again and have to go back on placement.
I don’t mean any of this to sound disrespectful, but its building up for months now and I’m willing to compromise but I think I deserve a bit more freedom.
I'm sorry I had to write this but I didn’t know what else to do.'
I reckon if you moved out to uni they'd firstly go ballistic, but once they started getting used to it they'd see that you're an adult and you can look after yourself.
The important thing is, though, really to prove to them that you *can* look after yourself. that means not getting too over-excited about being on your own and going out every night til 4am. But I'm sure you're sensible enough not to do that anyway! And one day, your relationship with your parents will be all the better for your moving out...
i'd not do that, i just want to be able to go out if i want to, and i wont want to go all the time
Sounds ok to me... I`d not apologise for writing it though. And I hope you`ll forgive me for saying I wouldn`t hold my breath.
no me either, but it cant make it any worse!
i might take out the sorry for writting it but put that i dont blame them for how they act as i knwo its only cos they care, so it doesnt sound like im blaming them...they might be more likely to listen that way
fingers crossed eh? it really cant get any worse!
sorry, jus had to get that out
I know what you mean. I wanted to tell her when they start to say "Talk to the hand, bitch!" But I didn`t think that would be very helpful.
thank you, and thank you to everyone else