If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
my parents...again
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
as some of you will remember from my previous thread, my parents treat me like a little child.
on friday i will be 18. but that makes no difference. my boyfriend broke up with me last night because the stress on both of us having to get me home by 10 regardless of the day.
last week the film we were watchin over run, so i popped out to text my mum to tell her i was going to be late. but i still got so much shit from them wen i got home. and that was one thing to many and now my relationship is over.
i just hate them, my boyfriend was the best thing in my life and now because of them its over :crying:
sorry i just needed to rant there...dont feel u have to reply
on friday i will be 18. but that makes no difference. my boyfriend broke up with me last night because the stress on both of us having to get me home by 10 regardless of the day.
last week the film we were watchin over run, so i popped out to text my mum to tell her i was going to be late. but i still got so much shit from them wen i got home. and that was one thing to many and now my relationship is over.
i just hate them, my boyfriend was the best thing in my life and now because of them its over :crying:
sorry i just needed to rant there...dont feel u have to reply
0
Comments
Parents can really be paranoid asshats. I know what you mean by that. They tend to get into your life and restrict you from decisions that you should have control over. They treat you as if too young to help yourself. Not experianced enough in life. In a way, they act naïeve themselves. They believe they know exactly what could happen in any different situation in your life. As if you have no control over your own decision.
I'd talk to your parents sometime about yourself and what you feel you have control over.
I hope that helped at least a little bit
Why don`t you move out? Aren`t you paying them extortionate rent anyway?
Grr. Some parents need a good shake.
I might even let you stay out till 10:15.
Your parents are being unreasonable, what do they think you're going to be getting upto? You can do the same things that you do before 10pm as you can do after.
Just act the responsible, obedient daughter, and as soon as Friday comes, do whatever the fuck you want.
They'll have no say, you're legal to get pissed, get married, get credit the works!
They have no power over you!!
[/labyrinth]
That is fucking pathetic love.
sounds like a nobhead.
anyway, your folks only do it cos they care, you should count yourself lucky your not one of the girls who's allowed to stay out till whenever getting laid left right and centre and ends up with 2 kids at 18.
seriously tho, its about give and take right. if you rant and whinge to them about how you should be allowed out later then they just think your too immature to be trusted right?... so you should prove to them that you are actually a grounded lass that understands WHY they want you in early, but you want a little more freedom, after all you are 18 now right?
screaming and whinging'll only make it worse...
and as for the "can't you move out" comment.... dont be silly, do you really want all that responsibility when your so young? mortgages and rent really arent the one at any age, let alone 18.
im not having a go, just trying to offer a different perspective!!
dont bite my head off!!!
: )
Aye there are good points there. My older sister crawls up my mum's arse and has so much freedom. Me, i can't stand my family and hence I'm not given as much freedom. Have you tried to earn what you want, or do you just tell them they have to give it to you. And even if you are 18, if you're under their roof it's their rules.
I don't really see how being a few days older will help matters, she's very nearly 18 and so one day shouldn't make too much difference. Just because you turn 18 doesn't mean you can do anything you want, she'll still be in the same situation.
Yeah, I have visions of them being the kind of parents you end up having conversations with like;-
PARENT: Have you put on a warm vest?
CHILD: Mother, I`m 55 and I`m a High Court Judge.
my boyfriend didnt only break up with me because of my parents, he has a lot to deal with right now which i wont go into, but my parents were just one thing to many and he cant cope with it all right now. he's a good guy and im not just sayin that.
yes i am the one who's tried to talk to her parents and who pays high rent to live at home.
i've tried talking to them again and again and nothing happens. its my birthday on friday and im going out if they like it or not.
i'm writting them a letter telling them that things have to change or i will move out. i've looked into it and i can move into uni for £20 a week more than i pay to live at home. talking to them just doesnt work, it just ends up in shouting and arguments. which is why im going to write it all down and leave it for them to read when im gone for the weekend. i shall spend 2 nights at my mates and if i get home and they are still being the same i shall leave. my friend has a spare room which he has told me im welcome to for as long as it takes me to get sorted.
i have been the obiedient (sp?) daughter for nearly 18 years now and ive just had enough. i need to go out and have fun, i spend all week at uni and then just sit at home in my room at the weekends, i cant live like this, i really just cant.
i mean i understand why i need to be in by 10 on a nite i have uni the next day, i'd want to be home by then anyway or i'd never get up the next day, but on a night when i have nothing the next day its just not on.
and i've not whinged and moaned at them, i've tried to talk to them maturely but they are the ones who start to shout or flatly refuse to talk about it
About moving into uni, does that money cover food?
For what it's worth I think you`re doing the right thing. They sound totally unreasonable.
what you think?
'I'm sorry it has come to this, but I’ve tried to talk to you about it and it just ends up with fighting and my point of view isn't listened to.
I know you give me curfews because you care about me, and want to know I’m safe and know where I am. And on a uni night I understand that I need to be home by about 10 as I will never get up the next morning otherwise. But on nights I don’t have to get up early, its unfair that you are so strict about me having to be in by 10.
I’m not a child anymore, and I know you will think I am acting like one by writing you this but I have already tried on numerous occasions to talk to you face to face about it.
All I am asking for, is a bit more freedom. As I said, I am not a child anymore even if you think I am, I just want to be able to go out with my friends without having to worry about the arguments I will get when I get home. Dean and I have broken up because of it, he feels responsible for me getting grief when I get home late after being with him. I know it will sound stupid to you because you think I’m to young to know what I’m talking about and I’ll meet plenty more people etc etc but he makes me happy, and its totally unfair that your strictness has ruined our relationship.
You must have noticed how little I go out, I would love to go out more often on Friday and Saturday nights, but I don’t even bother asking because I know you will tell me I have to be home by 10.
I know it sounds extreme but I have looked into moving into uni as I don’t feel I can live at home with so little freedom, especially when i pay so much rent, i could pay £20 a month more and live at uni. I’m sorry but all I’m asking for is some trust and a little lee-way on what I’m allowed to do. its not as if I don’t tell you where I am, or who I’m with and if you want to contact me I have my phone with me.
I’m spending the weekend at Lisa’s this weekend because I just need some time to do what I want to do. Please don’t be angry at me or come to lisa's because i just want some time to myself, this might sound out of the blue to you but its been building up for months.'
as for uni....aparently i can move in and get my meals covered for that price. but even if i dont, there are jobs going which i could do to get the extra money i'd need to eat
she asked if i'd fallen out with dean as i looked upset/red eyed and i said yes and she asked why and i told her its because her and my dad dont let me out etc
she said its not her fault etc etc and i have to live by her rules while i live here. and i said if it doesnt stop i will move out, told her about uni and the rooms avaliable with food and that and that my friend has a spare room he's said i can have if i want it.
i asked her why i have to be in by 10 and she said 'cos you're only 17' so i asked wud i be able to go out later once im 18 and she said 'i shud think so' which usually means no in the end.
i told her im spending the weekend at my friends and she said she didnt want me to cos she wanted to see me, and i said i'll b home on sunday and monday and its not as if i see them anyway even wen i am here.
and i that i never go out and its my birthday and want to have fun and she said 'well its not my fault u dont go out' and i said it is cos they make me come in so early that its pointless going out in the first place.
so really nothing has been gained
yeah seein as she kinda asked i thought i might as well say it then.
there wasnt any shouting but she didnt really listen, just kept sayin well if u live here u live by my rules/wen i was your age blah blah. just the same as before when i tried
well, i think you've tried pretty much everything - if they're not going to listen there's not a lot you can do. you could always leave the letter when you go to your friends and see how things are after the w/e and after you're 18.
When i first started drinking (i was about 15ish) i'd hide it but they kind of figured out what i was doing when i'd come home drunk. i started out drinking on the streets then moved onto going to the pub and eventually my mum n dad just accepted it and told me to be careful, admittedly my parents have never been *that* strict anyway but i think they worked out that if im going to do it anyway they might as well just let me.
So just try staying out till whenever you want, and turn off your phone so they cant ring you (if they ask you 'had a flat battery')
whats the worst they can do? throw you out? well by the sounds of things you're thinking of moving out anyway, at least this way you can see how flexable your parents really are.
good luck!
icey x
but wat else can i do?!
I agree. It does sound like it's your only option. I think the whole "under my roof" speech said it all. So don`t live under her roof.
Hope you don`t mind me asking, but how old are they?
50 and 51
Ah, that figures. I had a friend with older parents when I was at school and they were so strict she could barely breathe without their say so.
I really don`t think you have any choice other than to put up with it or move out.
im the eldest of 2. and yeah im the only girl.
i know they are doing because they care about me and want to protect me. but i need to be able to go out and do things people my age do