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finally over
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi folks.
Wel some of you may remember me and the fact that I was starting to like a particular girl (call her Sarah) who is the gf of an old pal of mine. Wel around january she suggested that we cut down on the talking because it was upsetting him because me n her had become better friends than me n him. I replied by saying that there were many reasons behind that. she was more fun, more of a laff, approachable and made the effort to keep in touch. I actually started talking to her friend (rachel) who i knew anyway and me n her met up once and had a drink and a laff. and suprise suprise guess who starts to get jealous? And its strange cos sarah tried to set me up with rach in the 1st place.
I met up with sarah when on my break once and i just mentioned rachel's name and she almost started crying. I started holding her hand and then summat felt strange and I knew then I was in love with her ( for the people who remember my original post u wil understand how long its been going) Eventually about 2 weeks later I was planning to tell her but my bottle went and instead gave her a letter with it in, saying i was in love with her and we cudnt be close friends anymore. She rang me loads but i didnt pick up until the night after. The conversation lasted about 3 hrs. She was saying she didnt know whether she felt the same about me, and then she made me say it again over the phone(in love) cos she didnt know if it was real. she said it wud be so much different and easier if it wasnt for him. she was saying i was her best friend and she loved me to bits and missed me, i said i loved her and missed her and then she started crying.
But to cut it short, My mate( who knows her) told me, that as much as she loves me also, she aint gunna leave him. I couldn't really accept that but I couldn't change it either. That night I deleted her phone number and email adress and blocked her so she cant mail me. last night she txtd me saying "Everything's not ok, Phil gave me an ultimatum, im so sorry, i didnt want this to happen but i dont wanna end a relationship, thank you for being such a gud friend" to which i just replied with " Best o luck. I've had enough" I wish i had said something more to make her feel bad, I'm annoyed at both of them. firstly because before i even fell im love with her and jus saw her as a friend, he stil didnt' trust me and always had a go at her for being with me but acted normal when i talked to him on msn. and I'm annoyed at her because she can't stand up for herself and make her own decisions, she has to do it to please him.
I don't feel awful, but jus lonely now. I'm stil friends with rachel and if sarah does anything to stop that then I don't know what i would do.The problem is now that im going to a gig in a tiny venue next week and i've just found out them 2 r also. I wasn't going to go but my mate said if i didnt go thats wot he wants. And after all it's my local, i got a right to be there as much as him. But now, as soft as he is I don't know whether no one wil talk or whether it wil kick off between me and him. I've lost 1 of my best friends because of him and I'm pretty sure she will try talking to me and I don't want to talk to her, not because of him but because I choose not to. I've told my mate that if he comes near to get him away from me otherwise I know I will hit him.
I need help people, plz!!
Wel some of you may remember me and the fact that I was starting to like a particular girl (call her Sarah) who is the gf of an old pal of mine. Wel around january she suggested that we cut down on the talking because it was upsetting him because me n her had become better friends than me n him. I replied by saying that there were many reasons behind that. she was more fun, more of a laff, approachable and made the effort to keep in touch. I actually started talking to her friend (rachel) who i knew anyway and me n her met up once and had a drink and a laff. and suprise suprise guess who starts to get jealous? And its strange cos sarah tried to set me up with rach in the 1st place.
I met up with sarah when on my break once and i just mentioned rachel's name and she almost started crying. I started holding her hand and then summat felt strange and I knew then I was in love with her ( for the people who remember my original post u wil understand how long its been going) Eventually about 2 weeks later I was planning to tell her but my bottle went and instead gave her a letter with it in, saying i was in love with her and we cudnt be close friends anymore. She rang me loads but i didnt pick up until the night after. The conversation lasted about 3 hrs. She was saying she didnt know whether she felt the same about me, and then she made me say it again over the phone(in love) cos she didnt know if it was real. she said it wud be so much different and easier if it wasnt for him. she was saying i was her best friend and she loved me to bits and missed me, i said i loved her and missed her and then she started crying.
But to cut it short, My mate( who knows her) told me, that as much as she loves me also, she aint gunna leave him. I couldn't really accept that but I couldn't change it either. That night I deleted her phone number and email adress and blocked her so she cant mail me. last night she txtd me saying "Everything's not ok, Phil gave me an ultimatum, im so sorry, i didnt want this to happen but i dont wanna end a relationship, thank you for being such a gud friend" to which i just replied with " Best o luck. I've had enough" I wish i had said something more to make her feel bad, I'm annoyed at both of them. firstly because before i even fell im love with her and jus saw her as a friend, he stil didnt' trust me and always had a go at her for being with me but acted normal when i talked to him on msn. and I'm annoyed at her because she can't stand up for herself and make her own decisions, she has to do it to please him.
I don't feel awful, but jus lonely now. I'm stil friends with rachel and if sarah does anything to stop that then I don't know what i would do.The problem is now that im going to a gig in a tiny venue next week and i've just found out them 2 r also. I wasn't going to go but my mate said if i didnt go thats wot he wants. And after all it's my local, i got a right to be there as much as him. But now, as soft as he is I don't know whether no one wil talk or whether it wil kick off between me and him. I've lost 1 of my best friends because of him and I'm pretty sure she will try talking to me and I don't want to talk to her, not because of him but because I choose not to. I've told my mate that if he comes near to get him away from me otherwise I know I will hit him.
I need help people, plz!!
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you don't need help, you need to take a step back and realise what a cock you have been.
in love? pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft
right wel I know for a fact you have not read my original thread which is why you're jumping to conclusions labelling me as the guilty one when I'm the victim.
He was never my best friend, and when he stopped trusting me ( which was just when I saw her as a mate) I didn't want anything to do with him. I have not been a cock. I've done nothing wrong. I've spoken my mind and there is no shame in that. I wanted to make her feel a little bad because I feel used. I thought I managed to put a bit of confidence into her and allowed her to stand up for herself, but it didn't work, once again she is bound by his decisions. I know she never wanted me and her to lose touch, it is his doing that has caused me and her to lose touch, me and her had become best friends and he just can't imagine a girl and lad being friends ( even if i was in love with her, i would never make a move on her, he should have known that. If i was going to make a move on her, i would have done it the moment I realised how I felt about her)
The fact that he always had a go at her for being with me and talking to me and ( when he did ) talk to me on the MSn he acted as tho everything was ok, playing happy families. thats what i hate, him being completely 2 faced and having no shame for it.
And you say he didn't trust you and that he was irrational about it, but you DID have feelings for her and you DID act on those feelings by telling her about them and writing her a letter, and let's face it, if she HAD come onto you or made a move on you, the fact that she was his girlfriend wouldn't have stopped you now would it? Honestly?
i did read the original thread thats why i'm callin you a twat.
he is two faced? you tried it on with HIS girl. your bestfriends girl
his doin caused you to lose touch, YOUR doin nearly caused them to split up.
your about as much a victim as the boss of coca cola is to capitalism.
Firstly, no matter what the cirmstances or whether you are this so called "victem" doing something as rude and thinking that is totally out of line. In all honesty, not only are you the perpertrator, but also an inconsiderate self absorbed human.
Its happened me, not quite as strongly though but last year I almost fell in love with a boy that had a girlfriend and I did a big time bitch on it and had a little 'affair' with him but when push came to shove he choose her and I was left on my lonesome on the sidelines with alot of people very upset with me because the 'affair'
He's still a good friend in my circle of friends and it was a killer at the start when he'd bring her out with us but I built a bridge and got over it. I wasn't going to scarifice my social life for them and either should you!
As you said, its your local too and you have every right to be there. So go get drunk and have fun but dont say or do anything stupid, show them that life carries on without them, they soon mite get tired of each other anyway, she mite click on to his controling ways.
Break a Leg
P.S. Keep the thing with Racheal too.
right wel i just want to ask Molo, Why do you see me as the person who has caused the harm? Why do you say that he was my best friend when I quite clearly stated he wasn't and never has been? And why did u say that I tried it on with his bird when I quite clearly stated that I didn't and never would if she was not single?
I said I told her how I felt about her, told her the truth. I don't know about you, but most girls would appreciate and respect that like she did. If you classify that as trying it on then what do you classify as trying to kiss or snog them? Sexual Harrassment?
You know wot i find funny? We don't even know each other and yet you're writing as though you know me inside out. You don't know my friends, you don't know the girl and yet you imagine and expect everybody to act as you wish and for some très bizzare reason you think I'm lying about not trying it on with the girl. Where have I said in my thread I have ever tried it on? and How many times have I said that I would never make a move on a girl whilst she was taken. I even said that to her in person and she said she knew.
Im just curious what kind of person do you think I really am? Do you think I enjoy being in this situation,being in love with someone that I can't have? Im an 18 yr old student who was not interested in a relationship until my exams were over. This taught me to never plan and predict the future because no matter how often you think you're right, you're always wrong. It shows how life is full of suprises 24/7. I never expected me to fall in love with her and maybe if he had made a bit more effort in talking to me rather than stop trusting me all together I would have accepted it was just a silly crush and would have forgotten about it now.
Hi folks, wel heres my update on the latest,
In the end i didnt't go to the gig which there were both at for 2 reasons, 1) my pals couldn't go cos they had no money 2) I know I would have been provoked a lot more easily if I went on my own.
That night of the gig I was talking to a pal on the MSN who is a friend of the gir and he was asking me of I was feeling now about her. I said i didnt know but i stil missed her. He said that she misses me loads. I told him that she's made her decision to be bound by every decision he makes and that theres no turning back now. He said that it's got worse though. Apparently the day b4 Patrick's day she went for a walk with a guy called Nick from her school. They were out until about 10 and then he rings her. She said that it wasn't a good time because this Nick was there. Then he starts having a go at her over the phone shouting at her and said something along the lines of "Right wel you either buvk your ideas up or we're finshed"
I said to that "that just goes to show 3 things
1) he doesn't need me to mess it up. He's doing a very good job himself
2) He's never going to be happy until she's rid of all her lad friends
3) He's nothing but a bully who she's scared to death of.
I said to my pal that this was no relationship at all. She kept saying to me that she loved him. I know she doesn't and my pal said the same and said to her face that he doesn't understand why she's with him. Theres not trust, no honesty, theres nothing. That isn't love. I asked my pal if he was gunna stick by his word about them being together forever. he said yes because she's not bright enough to leave him. I said to him that that explains it all, it's all based on fear.
On sunday night i was talking to Rachel who's a friend of hers ( wel was until they fell out that night) I just told her ow i felt and said my opinion about her, Rachel said the same thing and said that she wants her to be happy but not with him.
Then last night when I was talking to another guy from her college who i'm mates with, according to him, she told him that phil ( the bf) had brought a load of mates out that night of the gig to beat me up in case i started anything. I said to him that that sounded like a threat and he's pretty good at them. I was the only close friend he had, he didn't have any other friends apart from the geeks he studies with. Whoever he knows, I know and I'm probably mates with also. It also made me think, Why can't he stand up for himself? Is he that ashamed?
I said to my mate that it was even better that I didn't go to the gig cos I don't know how much damage I would av done to him, I wouldn't have needed any provoking or beer inside me. I'm not a violent person in the slightest but I don't think I could control myself after what he has done to both me and her. My mate said she's being silly and just gone in the head. He said that she knows shes made the wrong decision and should have gone for me.
I guess it could all only come down to a simple thing. Fear of being single and fear of what he might do afterwards.
Wot do you all think of this one?
I wish I could see it that way but come on, read the mail, none of that is a lie, its is fear and nothing else, I know her and I know how easily scared she can be, even the people who see and talk to her everyday have said the same thing. She's got no self esteem and lives by his rules.
It aint black or white with things like this. you can't say she aint left him, therefore she doesnt want to be with you and everythings fine. There is a lot of grey area. When i say fear, i mean it, she's scared of upsetting him, she's putting his feelings before her own, shes scared of being single.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, she's not completely the innocent one in this?
I think you just assume that if she did break up with him she'd go out with you but is that really the case? Can you honestly say, hand on your heart, that she didn't just like the attention? That she didn't want to just have her cake and eat it? By that I mean keep you interested and have the attention, but at the end of the day go back to the comfort of her relationship with her boyfriend. Maybe she really is making her boyfriend jealous and insecure, by meeting up with other guys and maybe even flirting with them. I mean, if you put yourself in his position for a minute. From what I remember, you two were getting quite close and she was telling you she liked you and would go out with you if it weren't for him. How would that make YOU feel? I know that if my boyfriend was telling my friends 'yeah, I do fancy you, but ah if only it weren't for my girlfriend...' then I'd be pretty upset.
Of course, there isn't even any point in me saying all this because, as Powboskie just said, you're just going to keep on defending her and making excuses for her until you come through this on your own. I hope it turns out ok in the end.
hi people.
Wel i have to say thank you for the advice, You were wrong and I did listen to your words and you're right in many ways.
I'm still friends with the girl(rachel)who used to be close friends with her but they have now fallen out because of other things. rachel was commenting that sarah can get jealous at anything, even when rachel wil start talking to a guy, sarah will want all the attention. Rachel said that sarah has still got feelings for me like i do for her. I then asked Rachel if she could just tel sarah i said "Hi" ( this wasn't becasue i wanted to get back in touch,it was my idea of testing her to see how she reacts) rachel said that sarah would go all quiet whenever my name is mentioned because she knows me n rachel are stil friends and there is nothing she could do about that.
This morning rachel txtd me saying "told u so, wait for her msg" and suprise suprise sarah txtd me saying "hi ow r u? rach said that you said hi, hows things?" I didn't reply and I still haven't replied because I wasn't sure if she would txt me and I never intended on replying. Like we said and all you guys have said, it was her choice, no turning back now. You can't change the past. I was tempted to text her back, but i thought if I did then the same thing would happen over and over again.
Sarah being sarah would probably start crying at some point today because she likes the attention.I aint that bothered but theres a part of me deep inside that says "have i done the right thing"? I did it just to test her without her knowing, me and her will never be friends again and she should know that.
opinions please???
similar situation different type,
i recomend to talk to her and sort the friendship out, lifes too short to start having vendettas on people and relationships.
if you want to talk serious, PM me and i will give you mu proper email address for msn so we can have a chat bout stuff
l8rs bob da spider
Sounds from that like you've come to the right decision and that you're seeing things in the right way now. Good luck. I hope you can sort it out eventually and put aside your problems with her boyfriend because we women really aren't worth falling out over
lisa, I hope that your last post wasn't implying that I can bury the hatchet with him. After what has gone on, that's impossible. He stopped trusting me, stopped treating me as a friend. I don't even go back to the school/6th form now because I know if I saw his face I would just lose it and really damage him.
I'm actually taking Rachel out during Easter so I'm kinda looking fwd to that one. And I thought I would update you
Last night Sarah came on the MSN. I could have blocked her but chose not to. She said Hi but i didnt reply and then she said
"Matt, im really really sorry about everything. couldn't we at least say hi now and again?"
Why she suggested that I don't know
then
"Matt please don't leave it like this, why did this have to happen?"
now all of a sudden I've caused all this
and then the big one
"Right, I've tried talking but friendships a bit difficult when its one sided. get in touch soon please, cu around"
I had to reply then so i said
"dont you dare accuse me of ending it" then blocked her
She txtd saying "wot do u mean? i wasn't trying to be nasty,plz stop avoiding me"
How has she got the nerve to suddenly put the blame on me? She chose to end it, she told people I would get beaten up If I went to that gig. Has she really got mush for brains that she doesn't realise what she's done?
Rachel said that she's probably looking for someone to blame and can't face blaming herself. Apparently sarah said to Rachel "I didnt wanna end it with Matt, it was phil who made me" ( and this is the person she loves)
I like to think it was Phil but it wasn't. It was her decision and hers alone.
Why is she acting like this now??
Help people!!
just fuck it off and try not to steal your friends girls again.
simple fucking as.
oooh suprise suprise its you again!! the one who's opinoin is completely different from everyone elses, the one who doesnt bother reading anything thats put down, the one who stil thinks I was trying to steal her, the one who thinks he was my best friend.
Anyone elses opinion apart from Molo?
you obviously aren't reading my posts, I am gettin over her, and also I will definitely not be talking to him again.
Maybe you should actually read my last post and realise I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about her suddenly putting the blame on me for evrything, balming me for her choosing for me n her to stop talking, her choosing to tell people I would get beaten up by his friends ( which never actually went to that gig)
I am not asking why she has chosen him, read the post.
I'm asking why is she still trying to contact me? why is being completely 2 faced about it? Why does she think I'm going to be her friend again when it's blatant that if I do the same thing will happen again only this time I probably would hurt him badly.
she jus txtd me saying "i didnt meant to hurt u on the msn, stop bein so hostile. i kno u dont like me but the least u can do it answer my questions then il leave u alone.
1) I've got nothing to say to her and she should have nothing to say to me.
2) she wont leave me alone. I could leave it another month and then say to rach to tel sarah i said hi and she wud jump around again.
this is the help im asking for!
Because she still wants attention from you maybe? She seems to like that doesn't she.
You should take Vicky's advice however leave them alone and move on.
she wants her cake, you to bake it and her to scoff it. Ignore any contact from her and dont waver. It will get boring if it gets her no where.
she's just rang, i ignored but she said in the answer machine
"i need to talk but u aint picking up a or replying the txts"
"i need to ask u some questions"
"il ring back when you've hopefuly stopped being so childish"
is she ever gunna give up?
wot questions? wot do i have to say to her?
she aint gunna take a hint.
I really wanna txt her now just saying
"We're finished, accept it, find someone else to give u attention, i dont care anymore."
wel heres the update,
this morning, she txtd sayin "hi its me AGAIN, stop being hostile n talk to me"
i finally sent the msg i said i wud send
""We're finished, accept it,u got no1 2 blame but urself, u got some nerve calling me childish after tellin ppl i wud get beaten up at that gig and making it out as tho i've caused all this. find someone else to give u attention, i dont care anymore."
she obviously didnt like that n replied with
"thats uncalled 4, i didnt say that, nex time rob tells u summat make sure he says it right"
I said "rob didnt tel me, 2 other ppl did, u saying theyr lyin also?"
she said " i said that if u started anything there wud be people to stop it" then she asked me if i was after him
i said i didnt need to answer that but she shud be glad i didnt go to the gig.
she said "can't u understand phil getting annoyed ?" i replied with a simple no. she asked me wot i wud av done if i was phil.
that was the easiest question of them all. i said " i wud av talked to the guy in the 1st place and i wud av made sure the relatoinship had honesty n trust and make sure no ultimatums were given out.
she said "wel thats u, u aint phil"
i wud think wot i said was pretty normal,
she asked me if i stil had the book she made me or if i threw it away. i said
"maybe ul see wot i mean when i say honesty, i wonder wot his face wud look like if i showed him that book"
she said " he probablt wudnt be arsed, it aint like we're mates anymore is it, u hate me so thats it"
i said i didnt hate her and that may have been not wot she was expecting,
"u dont hate me??"
"thers only a few people in the world i hate, he's 1 of em n i like to think ur bound by all his decisions altho theyre all ur decisions n urs alone.but no i dont hate u"
then her language jus changed in the txt completely
"look im really sorry, i never meant to hurt or lose u, i been really messed up these las months, do u think theres anyway at all some time we cud talk normally again"
i said
"unlikely"
"ok wel at least u've answered straight, does that mean ur gunna carry on ignoring me on msn n ignorin my mails?"
"dont know"
"ok, if me n phil split up, wud u carry on ignoring me? im jus curious"
"pretty likely"
"ok wel im sorry, i never meant to hurt u n piss u off, maybe il cu around altho i dont think u want to see me"
So thats that, its finished.
I couldn't concentrate for about 2 hrs, then i was calm.now im thinking, did i do the right thing, and if yes, did i do it the right way?
did i?