If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options
horrible person
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok, well this is going to make me look like a really horrible person but here goes anyways.
My best friends ex boyfriend ( they broke up last august) has been coming onto to me for a while. About a month ago a got really drunk and gave in, I ended up having sex with him although I really regretted it almost instantly.
Problem is i don't know what to do now, basically he hasn't spoke to me since he was clearly after one thing.
Part of me wants to tell my friend because the guilt is eating me up inside but another part thinks maybe its best if I don't tell her at all kinda in a what she doesnt know won't hurt her way.
I just don't know what to do I know if she finds out from someone else she'll never talk to me again....but who knows maybe thats what I deserve after what I did.
Thanks for reading, any help will be appreciated.
My best friends ex boyfriend ( they broke up last august) has been coming onto to me for a while. About a month ago a got really drunk and gave in, I ended up having sex with him although I really regretted it almost instantly.
Problem is i don't know what to do now, basically he hasn't spoke to me since he was clearly after one thing.
Part of me wants to tell my friend because the guilt is eating me up inside but another part thinks maybe its best if I don't tell her at all kinda in a what she doesnt know won't hurt her way.
I just don't know what to do I know if she finds out from someone else she'll never talk to me again....but who knows maybe thats what I deserve after what I did.
Thanks for reading, any help will be appreciated.
0
Comments
I think at the end of the day only you can really decide what to do, although if I was in your shoes I probably wouldn't say anything.
Good luck
it'd be better coming from you than anyone else.
:yes: because in the long run at least you'll be able to look your friend straight in the eye and feel 'honest' with her.
glad to see you posting btw :thumb:
You've done nothing wrong - the guy was her ex, which makes it none of her business anyway.
That's applicable for some people but not for everyone - some friends have an 'unwritten rule' that you don't date / do things with their exes. It depends how close her friend and the ex were though - if they went out for months and then split up and she was still upset then it's a big no no for your friends to be messing about with them. But if they went out for a short while and she's not really bothered then it's not really bad for the friend to indulge in erm.. certain pleasures of the flesh.
I agree :yes:
Maybe so, but if thats the case, the 'damage' is done. No good will come from telling the friend.
That doesn't mean she shouldn't. I'm sure there are plenty of situations where the damage has been done and no good will come out of telling the person, but you should still be honest with them.
Yeah, but in this case it's none of the friends' business anyway, so she doesn't need to know - unwritten rules or not.
It would cause your friend hurt and might come in the way of your friendship. Is he worth it?
You and him know what happened, leave it at that, she doesn't need to know. Way too much grief.
You may feel guilty but you'll get over it
All the more reason not to tell her.
Feeling guilty for a wee while is worth not hurting your friend like that, don't you think?
That makes it sound like a kind of revenge thing on him in a twisted way.
I wouldn't tell personally, and if it ever comes out, deny it. What will you gain from telling her? At the moment she is happy. If you tell her you've shagged him, that could make her unhappy. Why do that?
It won't happen again (although it sounds liek you'd love it too) so forget it happened.
Well I thought it was better to be honest. But I'll remember that in future when I accidentally do things that may hurt people.
Aah how did I know you'd say that.
That's totally different and you know it, so don't start.
This thread's to help someone with their problem, not to try and sort out some personal problem on - so stfu
So, no.
It's better for who, exactly? The friend so that she'll be hurt now, rather than later when she might be over the boyfriend? Good job, bucko!
Besides, she's not being exactly being dishonest. Her friend hasn't asked her if she's had sex with her ex, so it's not like she's been lying about it.
Your logic is so flawed. Would you prefer that everytime someone makes a mistake and hurts someone they keep it all to themselves, because it's better to keep that person from hurting? Remind me to use that excuse when I cheat on someone.
She had sex with her friend's boyfriend and she knew it would hurt her friend. Would it be better that she finds possibly out later from someone else? 'Cos I'm sure that won't hurt. Well done!
And even if she's not being dishonest, she is keeping something from her friend that she knows would change how she thinks about her.
If she had made an honest mistake, a one off mistake or a drunkern mishap and didn't have feelings for the mates ex and thought the world of her mate so therefore didn't want to hurt her over something so petty I'd say - Pointless telling her - it will only hurt her.
However, as I said earlier - The big clue is that she says "Should I tell her?" AFTER stating "He doesn't want to know". Therefore she planned this and wanted this despite thinking it would hurt her mate, therefore she SHOULD tell as its what she deserves herself.
HOWEVER, someone that thinks like that isn't likely to want to tell all UNLESS (and I think this might be the case) she came out badly and got burnt by the mates ex (as she did) and therefore sees this as a possible tiny bit of revenge against him.
So in conclusion - It's a tough one. She might want to tell her mate for her own gain and riddance of guilt, rather than the "doing it for my mate" angle. Which is wrong in itself.
Who knows what the correct answer is!
I'm just turning 17. My friend is pretty mature, we've been good friends for a few years. She has moved on but I get the feeling she still holds a torch for him.
In answer to Sir Cum I don't want a realationship from him, I guess it kinda hurt because I have liked him for so long, long before my friend even met him. As in primary school crush type thing so it hurt he used me like that.
I really wanna tell her, please don't all get the wrong impression of me its just I don't wanna hurt her I'm not looking at personal gain, after I did that I deserve all I get but we all make mistakes I guess
That's kind of what I think. But I don't like saying 'don't tell her' because ultimately you're the one who knows best how she'll react and how she'd want to find out.
I'd say if you think there's a chance she'll find out from someone else then it's better to tell her yourself.
Thanks for that, I asked a simple question for help. If you don't agree with what I did keep it to yourself.
Thanx to everyone else for their help!x
When my friend slept with my ex boyfriend she didn't tell me and I had to find out from him. I don't know why he told me, he just did, and it hurt SO much that he was the one I had to find out from. So speaking from experience, I'd say she'd want YOU to be the one to tell her. So if you think he might tell her, or you think someone else might, then you should probably tell her yourself.