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individuality crisis

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok, basically, i have this friend who is turning into me, its little things like the way she wears her bracelets to the guys she likes and the music she listens to.
i didn't notice it at first and the things i did notice i found quite flattering, but it only occured to me this weekend what was going on.
on friday we went shopping and i bought a magazine, there was an article about my favourite band so we were reading it and discussing the lead singer, she said that she doesnt find him attractive at all end of story. i am head over heels for this guy.
the next day, we see them in concert and on monday she's talking to all her other friends about how gorgeous this guy (the lead singer) is, so im confused and ask her about it, she started getting all defensive etc.
then i started listening to her speak, she's started saying all these little things and picking up loads of strange vocal mannerisms that i have and it freaked me out.
at first i thought it was all just coincedental and then the more i watched her the more i saw there were too many things that were similar for it to be me being big headed.

basically, how can i make her stop without confronting and upsetting her, she's really emotional, has a history of turning to bulimia when she gets upset and recently i've been working with her lots to make her see that she doesnt have to.
the thing is, i just wanna be me again, and have only me being me! help!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This might sound like a really cruel idea but try adopting an accent:

    A few to try:

    Pirate
    Drunken irishman
    French
    Caveman
    slow American

    See if she picks up on this and starts mimicing you then switch back one day when you're talking to someone you both fancy. she'll probably feel really stupid afterwards and realise that maybe copying you is not the best way to go :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont wanna hurt her or upset her in anyway, i just want her to leave me be.

    and lets face it, that doesnt really help now does it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you make light of the situation she would probably be more likely to not be offended than if you sit her down and have a serious talk about it...


    (maybe)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but the thing is i dont think she'd get the message just like that, she'd just think i was being a twat doing a silly accent
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive had this! She even went around saying she my my cuz and sister for a while, till i found out about it.
    She copied everythin i did, wore and said.
    She stole my dave and chicken words, and most of you know on here that they are MY fave words!
    I used to write things on m fags just to make them look different, and then so did she.
    she even turned up to my house in my clothes...that i didnt lean her:eek2:

    I told her to stop being me and get her own personallity....didnt work tho.

    With people like that it dnt really work....try changein your handwriting and see id she does it too... get a new hairstyle, buy some new clothes...and stop telling her the things you really like. instead tell her the opposite then in convo with your mates when she says how much she likes such and such say well bla bla is crap and i like oogiwhatsit
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would have thought just telling her would be ok, but obv not from whats being said, ermm i think you'l just have to put up with it til she gets bored.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - or somethign like that. except it gets annoying and is quite childish.

    Is she going to freak and lose self esteem if you have a talk to her? Perhaps you need to start seeing less of her, try to get it through to her that she can have other friends and follow other trends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she's probably not very confident and is paranoid about not being "cool" so she thinks that coz everyone think your cool that if she copies you that she will be accepted as well, when actually it has the opposite effect ( if that made sense)

    make her see that it is ok to have your own style and your her mate so you will accept her no matter what.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Poor girl, she's obviously seen a operson who likes her and who she likes and wants to be what you are. It's a normal human reaction- if you like someone a lot you start using their idioms and their dialect, if you hate someone you move to the opposites.

    Try not to be too hard on her, but it is an awful thing to have to put up with. Try and tell her that she is useful and good, that people will like her as HER and not as you, and see how it goes. Try the soft approach first, but if that doesn't work you'll have to be more blunt.

    Maybe one thing you could do is if you ever go out shopping with her help her try and build her own personality up, direct her towards clothes and music that looks good on her, but isn't the saame style as you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mia16
    everyone think your cool
    thats just it though, nobody thinks im cool in the slightest, i like it like that, i mean, there are loads of people around who are such better people to imitate or what not.

    ignoring her is really hard too, she's in all but one of my lessons and if i like dont say hello to her or something she gets in a tiss and starts asking me whats wrong. arghhh i cant take this
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit


    Maybe one thing you could do is if you ever go out shopping with her help her try and build her own personality up, direct her towards clothes and music that looks good on her, but isn't the saame style as you.

    i agree with this, next time you're out shopping or something suggest something for her, "this would suit you" or something?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe if you drop into a conversation how much you value individuality, and you hate it, say, when you see someone in the same top as you she might get the message without you having to be 'stop copying everything i do, you fruitloop!' harsh.

    but yeah, imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery, and you're obviously doing something right, cause this girl choose you to model herself on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well she seems to have stopped talking to me now so oh well......
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she was much much flirting with my ex today. almost slapped her. very almost...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you deary
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