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Social Anxiety
Nemuritai
Posts: 129 The Mix Convert
This is honestly really hard to talk about, but I wanted to open up a bit about my social anxiety, and possibly find people who might feel the same way or be able to give any advice.
I've always found it really hard to build connections with others because of how anxious social situations make me - although part of it is due to having limited opportunities to socialise growing up, so I never really learned how to make friends or start conversations. I also have autism which makes things harder, although I don't find my autism affects me all that much and I forget I have it a lot of the time
It's so much easier to make connections with people online, and it's nowhere near as terrifying, but even so I end up convincing myself too often that people all think I'm being annoying, or that nothing I say is good enough, and it can be really hard to get the anxious voice in my head to be quiet. Above all, I find myself equating silence, or a lack of response, with anger or disappointment, even though rationally speaking I never know how someone else thinks or feels about what I've said.
It's still a huge struggle, but what seems to help more than anything else is self-compassion, and even though it's not easy, I've been trying to improve on that front. It's funny how being nice to others is easy, yet taking your own advice can be so difficult.
Anyways, I thought I would open up a little about my experience, and hopefully one or two other people will be able to relate. I'd be really interested to hear how other people deal with social anxiety and self-doubt.
-Nemu
I've always found it really hard to build connections with others because of how anxious social situations make me - although part of it is due to having limited opportunities to socialise growing up, so I never really learned how to make friends or start conversations. I also have autism which makes things harder, although I don't find my autism affects me all that much and I forget I have it a lot of the time
It's so much easier to make connections with people online, and it's nowhere near as terrifying, but even so I end up convincing myself too often that people all think I'm being annoying, or that nothing I say is good enough, and it can be really hard to get the anxious voice in my head to be quiet. Above all, I find myself equating silence, or a lack of response, with anger or disappointment, even though rationally speaking I never know how someone else thinks or feels about what I've said.
It's still a huge struggle, but what seems to help more than anything else is self-compassion, and even though it's not easy, I've been trying to improve on that front. It's funny how being nice to others is easy, yet taking your own advice can be so difficult.
Anyways, I thought I would open up a little about my experience, and hopefully one or two other people will be able to relate. I'd be really interested to hear how other people deal with social anxiety and self-doubt.
-Nemu
9
Comments
How do you feel about socialising and building connections with people now, compared to, say, three years ago? Do you feel like you've gotten a bit better over time, and was there anything you learned along the way that helped with this?
I hear that self-compassion is an important lesson you've learned, and agree on how it somehow it feels harder listening to our own advice compared to offering it to someone else! When you mention showing self-compassion, what does that look like for you?
If I'm being honest, I don't feel like I've gotten much better at socialising in real life compared to a few years ago, it's always been a huge struggle, which probably stems from lack of practice as well as anxiety. I've been quite isolated my whole life but that's just the way things were, although it inevitably made it really difficult to make friends.
I do feel like talking to people online has helped a lot, and I've learned a lot of social skills just by observing other people interacting. It's easier online though, and in real life the fear is usually so overpowering that I end up wanting to run away, and the words get stuck in my throat.
In terms of self-compassion - I wasn't the nicest to myself when I was younger, and more often than not if I made a mistake I spoke to myself in a pretty horrible way. Looking back, that obviously wasn't helping at all, and I've gotten much better at speaking to myself like a friend would. That sounds like a cliché but it's true lol.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I really resonate with your comment about being self critical when you were younger. This was something that definitely impacted my self esteem and friendships. I was a big overthinker when I was younger. I was so harsh on myself which led me to become very quiet in social situations because I thought everyone was judging me as harshly as I was judging myself. I felt the safest when I didn't say anything. However I have come a long way since them. I just want to say looking back it's not worth dimming your light for the sake of others. Even if they are judging you it says so much more about them and their character. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.
I'd say the biggest thing I have taken away from my experience is that people are honestly too busy worrying about themselves to be analysing what you have said. And please do not believe what your inner critic says. It took a long time but I found through constantly challenging my inner critic it eventually became less all consuming. Don't get me wrong it takes a lot of effort to fight it and I still sometimes just want to let it win, but looking back now I am so glad I decided to fight for myself to be happy.
Anyways that's my little spiel all done. I hope this may help someone whether you just now feel a bit less alone or I have encouraged you to be a little bit more compassionate to yourself.