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starting a family

toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,722 Boards Guru
in Sex & Relationships
i know ive discussed this about eventually wanting to start a family but the urge to start one is getting real now. can anyone tell me why im having these thoughts? its not like im having baby fever. logically i know that babies will gradually grow into fully grown adults. its just that i want to be able to raise the next generation. to teach them from right to wrong. to spend quality time with them. bare in mind that im not even in a relationship yet and im 16 years old. i dont think thats normal, is it? please correct me if im wrong. maybe i just want to create a human being for the sake of it. but i dont want to bring someone into this world when im not ready. ughhh i dont know what to do. i should just focus on spending the next 14 months on being a child, not an aspiring mother. i know that i can be more than a mother. but at the same time being a mother is a rewarding experience. i thought my mum wanted grandchildren but i got told by my dad that both him and my mum arent ready for grandchildren because theyre currently raising me and my two younger brothers. so if i introduced my child into the equation it would be like introducing a fourth kid into the family since i cant even take care of myself. and also i dont think my brothers are ready to become uncles either. my dad became an uncle when he was around the same age as me and he told me that he found it weird honestly. so i can imagine my brothers having the same reaction. also on my dad's side of the family my aunt and my grandmother had kids when they were 19 so my dad says that i might have kids when im young too. i should just focus on going to college in september and finishing it. i hope you enjoyed my ramble lol.

Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 2,289 Boards Champion
    Hey @toffuna101, thanks for sharing this with us. It sounds like the thought of starting a family is something you're seriously considering at the moment - out of interest, when did you start noticing these thoughts?

    The feelings you mention - wanting to raise the next generation right, and the rewarding feeling of being a parent - are valid and normal to be having. Some people have these thoughts earlier than others, and that's okay. You mention not feeling ready - do you have any thoughts on what "ready" might look like for you?

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  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,722 Boards Guru
    Azziman wrote: »
    Hey @toffuna101, thanks for sharing this with us. It sounds like the thought of starting a family is something you're seriously considering at the moment - out of interest, when did you start noticing these thoughts?

    The feelings you mention - wanting to raise the next generation right, and the rewarding feeling of being a parent - are valid and normal to be having. Some people have these thoughts earlier than others, and that's okay. You mention not feeling ready - do you have any thoughts on what "ready" might look like for you?

    We're here to listen to you and support you!

    recently, maybe like a few weeks ago. hmm about the question of being ready i think what that looks like for me is the fact that i can take care of myself. if i can at least take care of myself then i think ill be ready. an added bonus would me being emotionally grounded and gaining resilience to raise a child.
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,722 Boards Guru
    i had a conversation with my dad about this yesterday and he thinks that getting pregnant at 17 or 18 is way too young. i dont honestly blame him. and i wont get pregnant at 16 as i havent met anyone who i consider to be my boyfriend or something. therefore he recommended me to have a baby at 22 or 25 for example. and i think thats a good idea. also in terms of the women on my dad's side of the family they got married first before having kids at 19. and i doubt that ill get married at 18 as well as ill still be in college and i wont have money for the wedding. you dont have to have a wedding to get married but its an added bonus. also if i did meet someone in college and they became my boyfriend i could just get into a civil partnership with them but i feel like most people my age would prefer to get married. also since im studying business and i meet someone in my course who's also studying business i also feel like they would just think about the costs of how much it is to raise a child. its bloody expensive indeed.
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,722 Boards Guru
    also its a sin to have sex before marriage so im not sure if i feel like committing a sin (im religious btw)...
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,722 Boards Guru
    but honestly if i have sex before marriage its not like god will kill me or anything. if i repent for my sins then im sure that he'll forgive me.
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,722 Boards Guru
    well i had another look at r/regretfulparents. its nice to see the different sides of what being a parent is like.
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