Others’ lack of understanding of my autism and past invalidation

Creativeboy23

I am great at communicating information to others in many different situations, like for example, when describing artistic observations and self-advocating. However, the feeling of being misunderstood by my parents when I speak due to my autism has resurfaced, making me feel isolated. I have been doubting my difficulty asking for help since others have assumed that I do not recognise my strengths when expressing my struggles. It has made me feel patronised.

After informing my support worker of an upcoming assessment, he mentioned that I knew more about my mental health than anyone else and could prepare like I usually do when writing about my feelings. He was right and wanted me to know I could succeed in the assessment. However, the discussion triggered a memory of when a crisis helpline worker dismissed my struggles by focusing on my strengths.

The discussion reminded me of times when others have told me what the other person meant after I have shared my experiences, even when I have acknowledged the person’s intent. They likely wanted to help me feel better, but it has brought up feelings of being unheard and invalidated. It feels like I am not allowed to have my emotional reality.

Laura_tigger82

You have been really brave sharing this with us @Creativeboy23 and recognising how this is making you feel isolated, due to resurfacing. Although you deserve to be able to recognise your own strengths, how you feel about those things and your struggles also really matter! People tend to do this as a source of confidence boosting but that is invalidating if it does not reflect the energy it has taken you or the struggles you have had with it.

How have you felt about writing about your feelings? It sounds positive that your support worker was able to validate your knowledge about your mental health and the strategies you usually find helpful for dealing with your feelings. However, I can also hear this may have caused a trigger. How have you managed this trigger?

How you feel is really important. You show so much courage by sharing how they have made you feel, despite their intent. We are listening to you and you really matter to us

Sian321

Hi @Creativeboy23 , thank you for making this post and for sharing some more about what has been going on for you lately.

What I'm hearing is that you've been feeling misunderstood by your parents when you speak about your autism, and this feels isolating.

At the same time, you have been feeling patronised too when people have assumed you don't recognise your own stregnths, because you very much do.

You want to be allowed to define, feel, and express your own emotional reality and to have that recognised and acknowledged by others. We hear you. And putting your feelings down into words here on Boards sounds like a really positive way to let others know what your reality is like.