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‘family’ - tw// mentions of eating disorder
struggling0_0
Posts: 110 The Mix Convert
is it wrong to hate your family? i feel so excluded. i’ve always been the problem. everyone tells me i can’t dislike my mum and how i really should love my sister. i disagree.
it’s because i was lucky at christmas & birthdays etc i should love my mum - yes there is no doubting the fact that i was lucky at christmas and birthdays, i got many amazing presents and i am grateful for that HOWEVER, i would much prefer to feel wanted, loved, cared about etc than have got anything i got.
as for my sister, just is always so horrible to me. she hates my existence. i’m just an issue to her. all she does is scream at me. i know that there is no perfect relationship between sisters, but im soo jealous of those that actually get on with their sisters. one of my friends and her sister, they’re literally best friends and would do anything for each other. my sister can’t go a day without telling me she hates me:(
i’m not someone who buys to receive, pls do not take it that way because im not but it kinda hurts i guess how every birthday and christmas since ive been 16 i have bought my sister such thoughtful gifts, thought about what she is into n would want etc and bought her things like lego, jellycats etc and she’s never really been grateful for them while she orders me something last minute of amazon that i’ve never ever once mentioned / had any interest in so it’s like pointless (i don’t mean that to come across ungrateful im sorry if it does). this year for her birthday ive got her 2 mini jellycats that she will love and also a football themed thing from her fav football team. im sat here like should i even give her them? she’s so ungrateful and horrible to me so why should i?
TW// eating disorder
i just want to be understood and not feel so isolated and excluded from my own family i guess? i spend all my time alone in my room wishing that i could be apart of a family that spend time together etc.
this is so pathetic im so silly.
it’s because i was lucky at christmas & birthdays etc i should love my mum - yes there is no doubting the fact that i was lucky at christmas and birthdays, i got many amazing presents and i am grateful for that HOWEVER, i would much prefer to feel wanted, loved, cared about etc than have got anything i got.
as for my sister, just is always so horrible to me. she hates my existence. i’m just an issue to her. all she does is scream at me. i know that there is no perfect relationship between sisters, but im soo jealous of those that actually get on with their sisters. one of my friends and her sister, they’re literally best friends and would do anything for each other. my sister can’t go a day without telling me she hates me:(
i’m not someone who buys to receive, pls do not take it that way because im not but it kinda hurts i guess how every birthday and christmas since ive been 16 i have bought my sister such thoughtful gifts, thought about what she is into n would want etc and bought her things like lego, jellycats etc and she’s never really been grateful for them while she orders me something last minute of amazon that i’ve never ever once mentioned / had any interest in so it’s like pointless (i don’t mean that to come across ungrateful im sorry if it does). this year for her birthday ive got her 2 mini jellycats that she will love and also a football themed thing from her fav football team. im sat here like should i even give her them? she’s so ungrateful and horrible to me so why should i?
TW// eating disorder
i just always feel like a spare piece when im with them. i’ve just always felt misunderstood. they get so frustrated at me for being pathetic n not being able to do ‘simple’ things, to them they are simple things but to me it’s really not. for example, going out for food, from a very young age, i’ve been a fussy eater as my mum says, i hate most textures, i hate food touching & for many years now (i know this can be as a result of being autistic and i am currently awaiting an autism assessment), ive also struggled with disordered eating (unfortunately all doctors and mental health teams care about is bmi though so i get 0 support there) and additionally, i struggle with anxiety (diagnosed with anxiety btw). given all that, going out for food is my worst nightmare. i struggle with it a lot and that then puts everyone in a bad mood and it’s all my fault because ive ruined the night then. if they understood me, maybe it would be better but that wont ever happen.
i just want to be understood and not feel so isolated and excluded from my own family i guess? i spend all my time alone in my room wishing that i could be apart of a family that spend time together etc.
this is so pathetic im so silly.
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