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‘family’ - tw// mentions of eating disorder
struggling0_0
Posts: 150 Helping Hand
is it wrong to hate your family? i feel so excluded. i’ve always been the problem. everyone tells me i can’t dislike my mum and how i really should love my sister. i disagree.
it’s because i was lucky at christmas & birthdays etc i should love my mum - yes there is no doubting the fact that i was lucky at christmas and birthdays, i got many amazing presents and i am grateful for that HOWEVER, i would much prefer to feel wanted, loved, cared about etc than have got anything i got.
as for my sister, just is always so horrible to me. she hates my existence. i’m just an issue to her. all she does is scream at me. i know that there is no perfect relationship between sisters, but im soo jealous of those that actually get on with their sisters. one of my friends and her sister, they’re literally best friends and would do anything for each other. my sister can’t go a day without telling me she hates me:(
i’m not someone who buys to receive, pls do not take it that way because im not but it kinda hurts i guess how every birthday and christmas since ive been 16 i have bought my sister such thoughtful gifts, thought about what she is into n would want etc and bought her things like lego, jellycats etc and she’s never really been grateful for them while she orders me something last minute of amazon that i’ve never ever once mentioned / had any interest in so it’s like pointless (i don’t mean that to come across ungrateful im sorry if it does). this year for her birthday ive got her 2 mini jellycats that she will love and also a football themed thing from her fav football team. im sat here like should i even give her them? she’s so ungrateful and horrible to me so why should i?
TW// eating disorder
i just want to be understood and not feel so isolated and excluded from my own family i guess? i spend all my time alone in my room wishing that i could be apart of a family that spend time together etc.
this is so pathetic im so silly.
it’s because i was lucky at christmas & birthdays etc i should love my mum - yes there is no doubting the fact that i was lucky at christmas and birthdays, i got many amazing presents and i am grateful for that HOWEVER, i would much prefer to feel wanted, loved, cared about etc than have got anything i got.
as for my sister, just is always so horrible to me. she hates my existence. i’m just an issue to her. all she does is scream at me. i know that there is no perfect relationship between sisters, but im soo jealous of those that actually get on with their sisters. one of my friends and her sister, they’re literally best friends and would do anything for each other. my sister can’t go a day without telling me she hates me:(
i’m not someone who buys to receive, pls do not take it that way because im not but it kinda hurts i guess how every birthday and christmas since ive been 16 i have bought my sister such thoughtful gifts, thought about what she is into n would want etc and bought her things like lego, jellycats etc and she’s never really been grateful for them while she orders me something last minute of amazon that i’ve never ever once mentioned / had any interest in so it’s like pointless (i don’t mean that to come across ungrateful im sorry if it does). this year for her birthday ive got her 2 mini jellycats that she will love and also a football themed thing from her fav football team. im sat here like should i even give her them? she’s so ungrateful and horrible to me so why should i?
TW// eating disorder
i just always feel like a spare piece when im with them. i’ve just always felt misunderstood. they get so frustrated at me for being pathetic n not being able to do ‘simple’ things, to them they are simple things but to me it’s really not. for example, going out for food, from a very young age, i’ve been a fussy eater as my mum says, i hate most textures, i hate food touching & for many years now (i know this can be as a result of being autistic and i am currently awaiting an autism assessment), ive also struggled with disordered eating (unfortunately all doctors and mental health teams care about is bmi though so i get 0 support there) and additionally, i struggle with anxiety (diagnosed with anxiety btw). given all that, going out for food is my worst nightmare. i struggle with it a lot and that then puts everyone in a bad mood and it’s all my fault because ive ruined the night then. if they understood me, maybe it would be better but that wont ever happen.
i just want to be understood and not feel so isolated and excluded from my own family i guess? i spend all my time alone in my room wishing that i could be apart of a family that spend time together etc.
this is so pathetic im so silly.
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Comments
It isn't wrong to hate your family, especially if you see no true reason to "love" them. Im sorry to hear you never feel wanted, cared for or loved by your family - that is all anyone wants from those closest to them ❤️
In terms of your eating disorder, there are online charities that can provide you support (even if you dont have a diagnosis of one)
Recover Your Life is an organisation that deals with issues of self-harm, abuse, mental health problems, eating disorders, and more. They don't have a helpline, but they have an interactive website open 24/7 that provides advice, community support, peer help, and information. They also run an online self-help group. You can visit their website at www.recoveryourlife.com
Worth Warrior is a mental health app that helps you manage your thoughts and feelings around body image, self worth and eating difficulties. It has been designed by professionals using NHS approved CBT techniques. It is available for free from https://www.worthwarrior.co.uk/ or the Apple and Android app stores.
There’s an organisation called Sane which offers information and emotional support to people affected by emotional and mental health issues, including eating disorders and self harm. Their helpline SANEline is open every day from 4pm-10pm on 0300 304 7000. You can also access their textline via their website or email support@sane.org.uk. and they will reply within 72 hours. You can go to www.sane.org.uk for more details about them or to access their forum.
There's an organisation called Beat which offers support and information for people affected by eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and ARFID. They have a webchat and a helpline open Monday to Friday 3pm-8pm on 0808 801 0677 (England), 0808 801 0432 (Scotland), 0808 801 0433 (Wales) and 0808 801 0434 (NI). They also have different email addresses based on your location which you can find on their website, and online support groups Monday to Friday for different eating disorders. You can use their website to search for local services in your area. For more information go to www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk
I here your awaiting an autism assessment- is there a chance that during this you can mention your struggles with eating as quite often both eating disorders and Autism are found together.
I do hope you can get support from both your autism and your eating disorder ❤️
If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here in DMs. I too have experienced and am in recovery from an eating disorder.
Send lots of hugs and support 🫂
Reading over your post, it sounded so hard to be told by others that you can't dislike your mum, or that you must love your sister, because I can imagine that feels dismissive and denying of your own feelings and hurt towards them. I wonder if that's what it felt like for you?
Being excluded as you have described honestly sounds so lonely, and I felt sad reading the end of your post there where you said that you spend all your time alone in your room wishing you could feel apart of the family. That sounds really painful - that longing to feel closer to them and to be understood
As you said, yes your family might give you physical presents, and you're really grateful for that. But that doesn't take away from just how deeply you want to feel cared for and loved by them, and it's valid that right now you feel like that is missing. The presents you have gifted your sister in the past sound so thoughtful and have come from a place of really taking the time to think about what she'd appreciate and to make her feel seen and known. And it sounds like it felt dissapointing to then recieve gifts from her in return that had no personally connection to you and your interests, reiterating that sense of being misunderstood. That makes so much sense, and I hear you.
Thank you also for describing some more about how it feels when your family go out for food together and just how stressful and uncomfortable this can be for you. You mentioned that sometimes they get frustrated at you for being 'pathetic' (which sounds really hurtful) and that it's been very hard to get support around your DE due to your BMI. I can imagine this feeling so invalidating, @struggling0_0 , and undermining of the seriousness of what you're going through day-to-day. When your family get frustrated with you, how do you wish you could respond to them? And when you have been struggling with eating in the past, I wonder if there's anything or anyone that you have found helpful around this?
Hoping that you can find pockets of rest and comfort this weekend, @struggling0_0 . We're all here for you as staff, moderators, and your peers