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I find it hard going about my day.
AlmostEternity
Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
Greetings, and welcome to another ramble session:
I feel like I'm the one person, even among my very large and strange friend group, that no one wants to talk to. There's even a teacher who has made it clear they dislike me(or at least make me feel that way). I know it's somewhat my fault, but I can't push myself to act like I'm happy anymore when I'm not. My mask finally broke. Go figure.
I dread going home, because when my parents do talk to me, it's mostly to insult me(I refer to this as getting their one daily insult in. Yesterday it was calling me a piece of trash. Today it'll probably be 'gay' although I have a girlfriend. It's like I can't please them at all.) or tell me to do something. I only speak when I have to. At one point it didn't bother me as much. Or maybe I got so good at pretending it didn't I convinced myself. But now each one is like it hits me directly.
At one point I thought things were going to get better at home, but it was a false hope. I was actually talking to my mom about how I was feeling, but then it fell apart after Christmas break and things are right back to being how they were before.
Another thing that has been getting me down is having to hear about politics(in the U.S.). My friend group is pretty split among the party line. It's not because I believe the situation is bad or whatever, it's just hearing the arguments in general.
I feel hopeless looking toward the future. I'd say my parents are looking forward to my graduation in less than two years as much as I do, because that's when I move out. But I have no idea what I'm going to do once I move out. I mean, yeah, go to College, woo hoo. But after that, I don't know. My friends suggest ideas of what we could do after graduation, but then go on to tell me, "Oh, it's not definite." I'm a planner, and it annoys me to death to hear that.
My parents have tried to convince me to go to the military, but mentally, even if I could physically(and I am far from the strongest person to walk in a room), I couldn't make it. They can say all they want that is just me holding myself back, but it's more than that, at least to me. I also just don't want to go to the military, period. My parents have pretty much told me and guided me towards a path that would lead to College, and I have no intention of veering now.
I have all these hopes and dreams, and it hurts to think that they won't become a reality, just because others don't think they're possible.
I've been putting off going to the school counselor for a while, but I guess I'll see her today during lunch and see how it goes.
I feel like I'm the one person, even among my very large and strange friend group, that no one wants to talk to. There's even a teacher who has made it clear they dislike me(or at least make me feel that way). I know it's somewhat my fault, but I can't push myself to act like I'm happy anymore when I'm not. My mask finally broke. Go figure.
I dread going home, because when my parents do talk to me, it's mostly to insult me(I refer to this as getting their one daily insult in. Yesterday it was calling me a piece of trash. Today it'll probably be 'gay' although I have a girlfriend. It's like I can't please them at all.) or tell me to do something. I only speak when I have to. At one point it didn't bother me as much. Or maybe I got so good at pretending it didn't I convinced myself. But now each one is like it hits me directly.
At one point I thought things were going to get better at home, but it was a false hope. I was actually talking to my mom about how I was feeling, but then it fell apart after Christmas break and things are right back to being how they were before.
Another thing that has been getting me down is having to hear about politics(in the U.S.). My friend group is pretty split among the party line. It's not because I believe the situation is bad or whatever, it's just hearing the arguments in general.
I feel hopeless looking toward the future. I'd say my parents are looking forward to my graduation in less than two years as much as I do, because that's when I move out. But I have no idea what I'm going to do once I move out. I mean, yeah, go to College, woo hoo. But after that, I don't know. My friends suggest ideas of what we could do after graduation, but then go on to tell me, "Oh, it's not definite." I'm a planner, and it annoys me to death to hear that.
My parents have tried to convince me to go to the military, but mentally, even if I could physically(and I am far from the strongest person to walk in a room), I couldn't make it. They can say all they want that is just me holding myself back, but it's more than that, at least to me. I also just don't want to go to the military, period. My parents have pretty much told me and guided me towards a path that would lead to College, and I have no intention of veering now.
I have all these hopes and dreams, and it hurts to think that they won't become a reality, just because others don't think they're possible.
I've been putting off going to the school counselor for a while, but I guess I'll see her today during lunch and see how it goes.
"So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody, come hang!"
Post edited by Claire28 at
1