college🙁

struggling0_0

i’m not 100% sure if this is the right category as it could really be more than one so i apologise if this is the wrong place to post this!!!

basically im at college and i have a mentor, it took about 3 months to get that support in place and a lot of hassle with doctors, mental health team & youth workers alongside college throwing up some problems too:/ but i finally got it, and after waiting so long im actually super disappointed in the ‘support’. i had such high hopes for it as i know that having a mentor is not to help me actually do my work content wise but to help me organise stuff, understand terminology of questions and keep on top of my work etc - i am not on top of my work, dont understand what i have to do most of the time and cant organise my work. everything i say about and mention how im behind and stressed, for example, coursework deadlines, all i got was “oh its too close to the deadline now” - i got absolutely no support i just had to do it alone which resulted in spending so many hours in tears because i was so stressed because i couldn’t organise the work / understand parts of it, once i get an understanding and have some organisation im ok with what i need to do but i really struggle with getting to the stage where i am ok. in sessions so far we have covered how to pass a history exam at uni - i do not do history, or anything remotely close to history at college, that he doesn’t know how to aim for anything less than the highest grade, that you should do revision etc in smaller chunks eg 1 hour then break than another hour and so on rather than 5 hours straight and that’s about it really. yesterday during the session he was going on n on about how i should’ve answered a 4 mark question in my exam and im no examiner or teacher but i dont think his answer actually answered the question in any way for the most part lol but it was a really hard session as i just had no interest.

we got send through an email with a feedback form from inclusive learning about the support you’re receiving. i rated it 1 star and just said how given how long i waited for the support, im actually super disappointed in it:( i dont even feel supported and still am yet to look at stuff thats actually helpful for me and my course specifically after weeks of it now. i then got an email from the mentors manager and she said how my learning support officer will call me to chat about my feedback form and i then replied sharing i dont like phone calls so can he either do a teams call or email me or face to face so he has now came back to me saying about face to face and it’s at 1pm on monday. i’m super anxious about it as i really struggle to talk to people in general so it’s going to be really hard. i also mentioned in my feedback form how im not very comfy with the mentor himself given past experiences, one of which actually happened in a college library (there was 2 other situations in a workplace and another in the street) so im really scared that im going to have to talk about that probably:/ but im really struggling with that aspect too, and more so since now they can’t do mentoring sessions in the main library and it has to be in a study room so it’s just us both alone in a room - im not saying he has done anything or he has tried to do anything, pls don’t at all think that as that is not the case, there hasn’t been anything at all like that from him however due to past experiences i just always have that fear i guess?

i am just super anxious about monday now - we have 2 new teachers so im really anxious about that change too as i struggle so so much with change and then the stress of new units etc too. i feel so so silly for even feeling this way to be honest:(

Azziman

Hi @struggling0_0, thank you for sharing your experience with us here. I'm really sorry to hear about your experience with your mentor - firstly, in how long it took to jump through all the hoops to get support in the first place, which I understand can be frustrating; and secondly, the quality of the support you received once it was finally implemented. From what you've said, it sounds like this mentor wasn't attentive to your situation. Being told "it's too close to the deadline" isn't supportive, whereas providing advice with the time left might have been more helpful. It sounds like they weren't giving relevant advice - talking about history when it's not your course isn't helpful! And it sounds like they didn't consider your academic goals - after all, not everyone is (or needs to) get 100% or the highest possible grade.

Given that experience, I can understand why you've given a low rating - simply put, your experience was that this person wasn't helpful or providing the support you wanted. I hear how it can feel harsh to say that, but you've done the right thing by being honest about it, to prevent this happening to the next person. I'm glad to hear that the mentor's manager was accommodating for your request to not do a phone call, and that they've taken your feedback seriously.

But I can also hear how you're feeling anxious about having to talk about this, and especially if you're uncomfortable with being alone with the mentor based on past experiences. Would you feel more comfortable if you had someone else that you trust in the room with you, perhaps? That way, it won't be only the two of you in a secluded space. When you feel anxious about talking to people, are there any tools that you've found helpful to keep calm? Something you can take with you in the room, or taking some notes of what you'd like to say?

I can also hear how you're feeling anxious more generally about other changes such as new teachers and units. I can imagine that all that change can feel overwhelming, and having this on top must be particularly difficult. You've been ever so brave to speak honestly about how you feel, and having this discussion sounds like the harder but better choice to take. Really well done for having the courage to do this, as I can understand it's not easy for you. I hope that things go well during your meeting on Monday, but please do let us know how you get on and how you feel after the meeting. We're here to listen to you and support you through this