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Feeling invalidated by a friend
Creativeboy23
Posts: 286 The Mix Regular
Hello.
I expressed to my friend that I felt invalidated when she told me to chin up after sharing a struggle with her and my friends in the group chat even though it was well intentioned. She apologised for how the comment made me feel and assured me that she did not intend to make me feel invalidated. She also confirmed that she was looking out for me as a friend. She repeatedly said she does validate me and that my other friends do too, which felt patronising and dismissive of my concerns. I was left feeling singled out and isolated and more invalidated.
She explained that her remark meant to remain optimistic. However, it is not always realistic. It can be harmful to suggest that someone should always be upbeat since it can pressure someone to suppress their feelings and just move on. After, she brought up her struggle which overshadowed how I felt, even though she is going through a hard time and probably wanted to reassure me that there are others with struggles too. Although she apologised for her comment, I felt as though she suggested I was not supposed to feel how I did. It was because she did not try to understand why it felt hurtful, instead justifying it as supportive. I know though it is okay and valid for me to feel invalidated regardless of her intentions but it is hard to believe it.
She focused more on her struggle and intentions than my feelings, therefore it was contradictory of her to tell me that I should not feel that I cannot talk to them. She spoke to me as though she had done nothing wrong, which made me feel like I was at fault when my emotional reaction was valid. As a result, I do not feel comfortable expressing my emotions to her and hurt that she did not take much accountability. I do not think she realised the impact of her comment.
The situation brought up a memory where a helpline worker told me that she does not invalidate anyone when I expressed that I felt invalidated during my call with her. The past experience worsened my feelings of invalidation and made me more sensitive to being dismissed. I have felt that others try to tell me that my interpretation is incorrect making me feel unheard and lonely.
I expressed to my friend that I felt invalidated when she told me to chin up after sharing a struggle with her and my friends in the group chat even though it was well intentioned. She apologised for how the comment made me feel and assured me that she did not intend to make me feel invalidated. She also confirmed that she was looking out for me as a friend. She repeatedly said she does validate me and that my other friends do too, which felt patronising and dismissive of my concerns. I was left feeling singled out and isolated and more invalidated.
She explained that her remark meant to remain optimistic. However, it is not always realistic. It can be harmful to suggest that someone should always be upbeat since it can pressure someone to suppress their feelings and just move on. After, she brought up her struggle which overshadowed how I felt, even though she is going through a hard time and probably wanted to reassure me that there are others with struggles too. Although she apologised for her comment, I felt as though she suggested I was not supposed to feel how I did. It was because she did not try to understand why it felt hurtful, instead justifying it as supportive. I know though it is okay and valid for me to feel invalidated regardless of her intentions but it is hard to believe it.
She focused more on her struggle and intentions than my feelings, therefore it was contradictory of her to tell me that I should not feel that I cannot talk to them. She spoke to me as though she had done nothing wrong, which made me feel like I was at fault when my emotional reaction was valid. As a result, I do not feel comfortable expressing my emotions to her and hurt that she did not take much accountability. I do not think she realised the impact of her comment.
The situation brought up a memory where a helpline worker told me that she does not invalidate anyone when I expressed that I felt invalidated during my call with her. The past experience worsened my feelings of invalidation and made me more sensitive to being dismissed. I have felt that others try to tell me that my interpretation is incorrect making me feel unheard and lonely.
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