change is weird

hendy

I know change is a part of life and a lot of the time I feel it's needed but whenever something does change I have a weird feeling that it's going to have consequences. Then I feel that once something changes, after at most a month it just goes back to what it was and nothing is different. Like I stopped talking to one of my first friends because they became a dick and I've been happier but now I feel I'm talking to them like friends again and nothing I did to benefit me changed how my life is currently.

River

Hey @hendy it’s understandable to feel that way and some people just aren’t the right people for us and that’s okay. You come first and if it means removing them from your life and if that feels like what you want to do then that’s completely okay

Azziman

Hey @hendy, I can hear how you're finding change difficult at the moment. You're right - changes do have consequences, some we can foresee, and some that surprise us. Would you be able to tell us a little more about this interaction with your friend? Why did you decide to stop talking to them, and how did you end up talking to them again? We're here to listen to you

hendy

well @Azziman I stopped talking to them because I generally didn't enjoy being around them and I feel they're one of the reasons I have what I think is social anxiety, or something along those lines, as much as I do. In addition, I found out that they didn't like me for a bit for just being there (to be fair I didn't talk a lot at the time because I was scared of judgement).
I never really decided to talk to him again, it was more like it just happened since he is a part of the same friend group I am so I talked to him a little but I'm afraid it will just go back to the way it was.

briannat

Hey there @hendy

From what I've read, it sounds like you established a boundary with this person, whether you explicitly stated it or not. You recognised that your interactions were not going the way you liked, and how they were impacting you and decided to take a step back from the situation. You noticed yourself feeling happier too which is already a positive thing. It takes time to stick to the boundaries we set and figure out how to make them work for us, it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing. There isn't a right or wrong path to take in this instance, but you should definitely be proud of yourself for being able to recognise when a friendship wasn't exactly serving you. Maybe this time around you'll find it easier to call this person out when you feel they're mistreating you