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TW/ wish i wasnt here

eylaheylah Posts: 4,836 The Mix Elder
edited December 1 in Health & Wellbeing
im struggling so much atm with everything i have no support around me which is hard bc being by myself is so hard bc i have just been dumped to do things on my own. i know im a adult etc but its hard bc i struggle severely with my mental health and i have been told ‘your at risk to yourself’ etc by my old psychiatrist who has now left me on my own. i thought after everything i did to myself last week that i thought id get help but no i have just been left to just struggle and struggle. life is getting rly hard i dont feel comfortable msging shout bc they called police on me without me knowing on wednesday so idk. im safe etc but im just rly rly struggling. im trying to distract myself but its so hard it rly is 💔. i am failing so much i have nothing in life. ( im safe).
keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
Post edited by TheMix on

Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,836 The Mix Elder
    theyve not helped at all💔😭
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,836 The Mix Elder
    noone obvs cares abt me i know i have a lot of shit rn but siningling me out is just shit. might leave this community bc this is just shit
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Claire28Claire28 Moderator, Staff Posts: 14 Settling in
    Hi @eylah firstly I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling so much <3 How are you feeling today? It doesn’t sound fair that you have no support around you at the moment. We all need help sometimes even when we are adults.

    It sounds a lot to hear that from your psychiatrist and not feel able to message shout. You have been doing well to distract yourself, what kind of things have you been doing? We care about you here Eylah, sending hugs <3
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,665 Extreme Poster
    hey @eylah - just wanted to check in with you this morning to see how you are doing. i'm sorry to feel you are on your own at the moment and aren't being supported the way you feel you need right now. you've been so strong over the past months with everything you've had to deal with it - so the fact you are still going is something you should be so proud of. hopefully this morning you are feeling a little bit better at least. like Claire has said above - we do care about you here.

    sending lots of hugs
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,836 The Mix Elder
    im not feeling gd was a rly horrible evening had police out and ambo. ambo told me to ‘call them’ when theres a actual emergency? i didn’t even call them :/. i was in crisis and needed them but i left them bc they rly upset me ( im ok now well ish). my head hurts so much im so tired i just want to sleep rn but im in pain. i relapsed to and been hospital to get it dressed but pissed of bc i have to go back to the hospital tmr and its in a different town and i hate travelling i hate it so much 😔. im just needing sleep rn but i can’t :( my head is so full. (safe)
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • briannatbriannat Moderator, Staff Posts: 51 Boards Initiate

    @eylah hey there,

    First off I want to say I'm really glad you're safe and not in any danger. I find it really unfair that you keep looking for support only to feel disappointed or abandoned afterwards. You mentioned trying to distract yourself, what do you usually do during these distressing moments ? I'm sorry it feels like nobody cares, that's such an isolating and exhausting emotion to deal with. I hope that you can look at this post and any past ones you've done to look for the examples of the ways we do care about you and your situation here on community, because we definitely do.

    How are you now?
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,836 The Mix Elder
    im crying my eyes out bc i feel so unwanted and cared abt i know you guys say you care etc and i appreciate it but i find it hard to feel cared abt. im in agony with my injury i just want to sleep but cant im so frustrated with
    my life i feel such a failure at everything bc i do nothing right or anything. im just a useless person on this earth :(.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • shannonxg_shannonxg_ Posts: 155 Helping Hand
    @eylah im really sorry you’re feeling this way:( i promise you that you make the world a better place - you’re not just a useless person on this earth!! i’m proud of you for dealing with so much🩷
  • amy02amy02 Moderator Posts: 355 Listening Ear
    Sending big hugs @eylah you are not alone in this and all of us here value you so so much <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,836 The Mix Elder
    thankyou sry just feeling so worthless :(
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • briannatbriannat Moderator, Staff Posts: 51 Boards Initiate
    Hey @eylah <3

    I know that those feelings of worthlessness are so hard to combat and can feel super intense. I wonder if it's possible to acknowledge small victories as something that can contribute to your sense of self. Personally seeing how much you struggle (from what you've shared with us here) and knowing that you're still alive and trying despite how exhausting it is, I see that a victory. I've read online that if you're still alive while also being depressed then you're not struggling with depression, depression is struggling with you. It's corny but helps me from time to time. Right now your mind isn't being very kind or supportive, yet here you are still trying. That's huge even if it feels like nothing. You also don't have to do anything to earn a sense of worthiness. You exist, therefor you are worthy. I'm really proud of you <3 keep going
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