Can’t you tell it’s Christmas season

Lucy_21

This is more of a vent post than advice

I’ve grown up with two parents so while yes I’m lucky since I can remember they have argued more than they get along especially around this time.

While I hate the idea of them splitting every time they argue I just want to smack their heads together and say ither split or learn to get along you have children for crying out loud.

I’m sat in my room trying not to cry with my music blasting because I know it’s only going to get more often the closer Christmas gets.

I understand the whole Christmas is stressful and that but I love Christmas as a Christian it’s my favorite holiday but it’s always dampened by the knowing they will argue almost daily until Christmas is over now.

I don’t understand why it’s always at Christmas and just wish they’d get along for one year

amy02

Gosh sending big hugs @Lucy_21 I can hear how unsettling this must be for you Are there things you've been able to do to look after yourself over the season or that make you feel calm? This must be so frustrating and I really hope you get some time to do the things that you enjoy over the holiday. We're here for you

Lucy_21

Thank you @amy02 I do read or write a lot when this happens but it is only just blocking out what I really want to do but I promised my friend I would do anything not to do that anymore. Yes I’m safe I promise I’m just sick of this and want to move out but they won’t let me (disability and stuff) or at the very least get through one day without them at each other

Sian321

Ah @Lucy_21 , this sounds so, so hard Thank you for posting about this. The thought of you being alone in your room upset whilst you hear your parents shouting feels really sad. That feels like a lot to go through on your own, and I can hear how overwhelming and frustrating it is when they fight. Esspecially at Christmas too, with this time of year being really special and sacred to you.

I wonder how aware your parents are of the impact their fighting is having on you? Is this something you'd feel able to talk with them about?

I wondered too whether there might be any boundaries you could set for yourself around Christmas time, for example, letting your parents know that if a fight begins between them, you will need to go to a different room? Or perhaps explaining that if they raise their voices at each other, you will need to put on headphones and disengage in order to look after yourself? I realise it might be tricky too to set boundaries around this, and it's so tough when other people's behaviour is outside our control. Maybe there could be ways to spend quality-time together too that doesn't centre around conversation or conflict, for example, watching Christmas movies together?

What has looking after yourself looked like recently, @Lucy_21 ? Are there any activities that help you connect in with your faith this time of year and to feel the spirit of Christmas on your own terms? I know for me, baking has felt really lovely

Sending you the biggest hug, Lucy, and please do keep us updated if you wish to. No matter what happens, Community will be here for you over Christmas too.

Lucy_21

@Sian321 They wouldn’t care they don’t listen to me and would just say to stay out of it.

I don’t know if they know but I know they wouldn’t drop it just because I say so, music is how I’ve always blocked it out.

They aren’t conversational parents never have been it would just end up in a fight like everything else

As for myself mentally I’m tired, emotionally I can’t cry anymore physically I am in pain somehow all the time (disability) I’m tired but my insomnia doesn’t let me sleep. My anxiety and depression are at their worst lately with the whole no job and basically just failing at life thing and all in all I’m lost.

I have my church Sunday’s and preying at night and if I need it but even that’s not helping as much as usual right now. Music and writing help me escape for a few minutes at a time but that’s it. Then it’s back in my head, you’re stupid worthless ugly gross a freak you get the idea. The only time I feel better is taking to my friend but they have their own life and problems so can’t be with me twenty four seven

I just want to feel OK without having to be occupied

briannat

Hi @lucy

I know it's been a few days but I wanted to check in and ask how you're doing? I know you're going through a lot on your own with your mental and physically help, so the toll of your parents arguments sounds overwhelming to handle. How are you finding church? And Praying at night? I think it's rather lovely you have this to turn to when you're not doing well.

It's a lot to feel like you have to be occupied in order to not get overwhelmed by your thoughts. Sometimes meditation, even shorts ones can be helpful to create space for mindfullness without feeling overwhelmed. Sending you all the hugs

Lucy_21

Hi @briannt and thank you. At this point I’m just going hour by hour because I feel so isolated and numb to anything at this point.It is a lot but it’s just my normal and Church is nice I didn’t go yesterday as I just didn’t have the energy mentally because of my whole lack of job thing but I did pray more to make up for it.

I do mediation a lot and it does help I just don’t have the motivation for it a lot right now.

Thank you for the check in, I’m a bit better today ❤️

amy02

I'm glad to hear that @Lucy_21 We're so proud of you for trying your best and just taking hour by hour - we're here for you

Lucy_21

Thank you so much Amy02 I really appreciate it ❤️

ebyrne556

Thinking of u @Lucy_21

Lucy_21

Thank you @ebyrne556