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I feel impatient to make friends

JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
in Sex & Relationships
So I’m pretty isolated at the moment and want to make friends, but I struggle because I don’t have good communication and social skills, fortunately I have a group coming up that’s going to help teach me social skills, however the taster day is next week and the course starts in January, and I’m just getting tired of waiting because until then I can’t improve my social skills and take the next step in trying to make connections because theres no groups for people my age to meet in my area and I can’t just approach strangers so until this course starts I can literally make no progress on this, and even when I do do this course I don’t even know what to do as the next step, I’m hoping I’ll make friends on the course but if not I wouldn’t really know where to go next because like I said theres no clubs or groups for people my age to make friends in my area

The other thing is my entire hope to make friends is placed in this course because I see no other way of things improving, so if this course doesn’t work out I’m gonna have to scramble to find some other hope

I guess I should just be patient and take my mind of it while I’m waiting but I can just feel the impatience creeping up on me because I hate being stagnant in life
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Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,073 Boards Champion
    Hey @JMMV2005, we hear you. It sounds like you're feeling frustrated by having to wait for this taster day to start improving your social skills, and while a week doesn't sound too bad, having to wait for that time is definitely easier said than done when you're keen to get going!

    I think you're right - being a little patient for this session is a good idea for now. Focusing on other things, a week will fly by! There are some online resources that are helpful on conversation, such as introducing yourself and how to open a conversation, if you're keen on reading ahead.

    Let's first start by acknowledging that signing up to the taster session is a big step in the right direction, so you're definitely not being stagnant on your journey - the first step is often the hardest hurdle, well done for overcoming it! You're right, there are likely to be others on the course, and you'll all be there together because you want to improve social skills. In that way, there's already something that you have in common, and working and learning with others is a great way to get to know people and make friends!

    I can hear how you're not sure on what comes next after this taster, and that's natural - you won't be the only one in that room who feels that way for sure. We don't often plan who we end up being friends with, after all! So enjoy the learning experience, get to know the people you're on the course with, practice the skills you pick up in other parts of life, and see where it takes you :)
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  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    @Azziman Thank you!

    Your right about not planning to far ahead, I need to learn how to think of things in the short term rather than the long term but my mind has a habit of thinking 30 years ahead rather than 30 seconds, I guess I should just enjoy the learning and take any setbacks on the chin and recover, it’s just I have a deep fear things wont work out so I tend to think too far ahead, and I’m just so ready to take action because right now I’m stuck at home all day, but like I said I’ll just try and be patient and enjoy the learning process and accept its part of life

    What online resources would you recommend?
  • Sian321Sian321 Moderator Posts: 94 Budding Regular
    edited 19:02
    Hey @JMMV2005 , thanks so much for your post on this.

    It sounds really frustrating to be in this waiting period right now before the social skills group starts, and I can hear how difficult it is to feel stuck or stagnant <3

    Thank you for opening up about your deep fear that things won't work out. That sounds frightening, and at the same time, really valid. Making friends can feel like such a vulnerable process sometimes! - beginning to let someone new get to know us, putting ourselves out there. I wonder where that fear comes from for you? What do you imagine might go 'wrong'? If it would feel helpful to talk more about that fear we'd love to listen.

    For me personally, one piece of advice that has really helped me a lot when it comes to making friends is to try to 'focus more on being interested, rather than trying to be interesting'. I moved around schools a lot as a child so often had the experience of being the 'newbie' with no friends, and I found that rather than worrying about trying to be 'cool' or 'likeable', one of the best ways to make connections with other people was simply to be curious about them - to ask questions like, 'How's your day going?' or, 'Hey, what's your favourite subject at school?'. Even smiling at someone can be a great way to show them you're open to making a connection.

    And another thing that really helped me make friends was to dare to be vulnerable. Whether that meant telling someone I was lost and didn't know how to get to the classroom, or saying, 'Hey, my name's Sian. It's my first day of school and I'm so nervous! Are you nervous too?' Being open and vulnerable with people helped to give them the chance to get to know me, and that ultimately brought us closer :3 How does that sound?

    I also just want to celebrate the fact that you're here on Community, making connections, sharing yourself in a really honest way, and allowing us to get to know you! Those are already such brilliant social skills <3 and I totally agree with @Azziman that you're already making such a great start. I have every faith that you're going to create some really exciting friendships, and those people are going to be really lucky to know you :3

    You've got this @JMMV2005 . We believe in you!
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    @Sian321 Thank you so much!

    I’m going to reveal where my deep fear comes from

    Throughout school I just acted like myself but that often annoyed people because I had a lot of energy lol and tended to act a bit crazy, I didn’t harm anyone I was just a bit hyper and a bit of a weird kid, not only did people get annoyed by me and not want to be around me I was also heavily bullied, and fast forward to the end of school I had no confidence in myself or social skills, I made no meaningful friendships in college and my attempts to make friends where pretty clumsy and embarrassing, So now I’m out of college and school and I’m 19, I’ve never had a meaningful friendship or even a girlfriend, I want to start making friends and relationships but I have so few opportunities in the small town I live in and what has happened in the past effects me so much even though I know I should just be myself and socialise with people and not care about what they think of me, But I still worry about what people think of me because it’s sort of coded into my nature because of what happened and I fear that I’ll annoy people and make myself look and idiot or upset them when I try and speak to them, I guess I just need to let go but I’m not sure how exactly to do that and what skills I need to do that

    And I’m not afraid to be vulnerable because every human being has a right to be vulnerable, it’s just what people think of me that I’m afraid of
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