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Funeral

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  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,727 Boards Guru
    Hey @Chloe234 , thanks so much for your message. This sounds really hard, esspecially as memories of your stepmoms funeral are coming up again. How is it making you feel to remember that time in your life?

    It's totally valid that there's a part of you that's also not wanting to go to this funeral, though I hear how much guilt that's creating for you. It sounds overwhelming not to get much personal space when you're there, and to potentially struggle to get rest too because of your dad making noise. I know for myself when I'm grieving I often prefer privacy, because I find it overstimulating to be around other people on top of trying to process my feelings. I wonder if you relate?

    I hope you can speak kindly to yourself, @Chloe234, because it feels like you've got a lot going on this weekend, and truly there's no right or wrong way to feel.

    Is there anything you can think of that might help you get some privacy over the next few days? For me, sometimes making a calm music playlist and listening to that in the car through noise-cancelling headphones can help me feel like I'm in my own safe 'bubble' even if other people are close-by.

    Thinking of you, Chloe <3
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  • KatieKatie Community Manager Posts: 1,577 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Chloe234

    No matter what connection or relationship you had with the person, I think funerals always come with difficult emotions. By the sounds of it this sounds even more difficult from the loss of your step-mum. It's not bad that you're not grieving the person whose funeral it is tomorrow Chloe. In fact this sounds really understandable considering you don't know him. It's kind of you to pay your respects and be there for your family though <3 Your grief resurfacing is also really valid and it makes sense if you may find it quite triggering. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. Funerals are never easy, and can be easily amplified by previous losses.

    You may find your family relate with being affected more by this funeral because of your step-mom's. I wonder if it brings you any comfort knowing they're there with you and possibly feeling similar to how you are?

    I hear that sharing a hotel room with no privacy will come with its own set of challenges too. Do you think you'd be able to use your noise-cancelling headphones and music whilst you're in the hotel too for a bit of an escape? It sounds really frustrating not having space when you feel overwhelmed, and I hope these next couple of nights go quite quick for you so that you can get back home in the comfort of your own room.

    I'm sending you so many hugs Chloe <3
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  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 5,456 Part of The Furniture
    It sounds positive that the drive up was not too bad @Chloe234. Have you all checked into the room now? If so, I am wondering if you would like to share more with us about how the room is and ways you might manage during this difficult stay for the funeral.

    It does sound overwhelming - with not liking the food and with there being so many people, especially after such a lack of sleep. Could you maybe create a small sub-group within those 20 people or choose an item you do like on the menu (even if it is not a full meal?).

    I like sweet and sour chicken at the Chinese but I recognise they do foods like chips and rice etc as well, if you just wanted something more plain. What sorts of foods do you enjoy the most? Could you use that as a base or order something different to the hotel room, maybe?
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  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 2,158 Boards Champion
    hey @Chloe234 - i've only just seen this, and so as your post suggests you've got the funeral today. they are often the case they bring up past memories of the people we lost, so it's okay to feel sad or however else you feel today. remember to try and take care of yourself - and we are all here for you. sending lots of hugs :3
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  • Claire28Claire28 Posts: 176 Helping Hand
    Hi @Chloe234 just checking in on how you're doing and sending lots of hugs :)
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  • briannatbriannat Posts: 114 The Mix Convert
    Hello there Chloe,

    I've read through this thread and it just sounds like a lot of awful things have been happening at once for you. It seems like this funeral has triggered emotions and memories of loss in your own life, and on top of it all you're focused on trying to be supportive to those around you while also going through something quite painful yourself. You have such a kind heart, worrying about the people around you and feeling helpless as you're unable to take their pain away. It may not seem like it but your presence already makes a difference, as you're alongside these people who are grieving.

    I hope you find the opportunity to let go of all the things you've been holding in, whether it be a good cry, venting in this space, reaching out to a loved one who you can trust etc. It sounds quite lonely that your dad is giving you the cold shoulder. This is a time where you especially deserve warmth, love, patience and kindness <3 Have you been able to get any rest at all ? I'm hearing that's it been a long and emotionally wrought day. What you described (Shaking, trying not to cry, biting your nails) sounds really overwhelming. I wonder if there is anyway for you to do something that helps you to feel grounded? Taking a couple of deep breaths, listening to your music as you mentioned, going for a walk. Funerals are notoriously difficult, even if we didn't have a close or personal relationship with the deceased. How you've been reacting to everything sounds so normal. I hope you plan something that'll bring a bit of light into your day, like watching a favourite movie or series, eating something that reminds you of your childhood, or whatever it is that puts a smile on your face. You deserve it <3
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