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Funeral
Chloe234
Community Champion Posts: 3,660 Community Veteran
Travelling tomorrow to go for a funeral on Monday. Packing and stuff today and even though I didn't really know the person, just getting ready for the funeral is making me feel so shitty. It's reminding me again how it was when I was preparing for my stepmoms funeral over 2 years ago. I feel so shitty tho because I don't want to go to the funeral and it makes me feel like a terrible person
I've got to spend 2 nights with no privacy at all though too as I'm sharing a family room in a travel lodge with my 2 older sisters and dad and I like my space but I'm not gonna get that. I'm gonna get no sleep either because my dad snores
I've got to spend 2 nights with no privacy at all though too as I'm sharing a family room in a travel lodge with my 2 older sisters and dad and I like my space but I'm not gonna get that. I'm gonna get no sleep either because my dad snores
🦆💜🦆💜🦆
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Comments
It's totally valid that there's a part of you that's also not wanting to go to this funeral, though I hear how much guilt that's creating for you. It sounds overwhelming not to get much personal space when you're there, and to potentially struggle to get rest too because of your dad making noise. I know for myself when I'm grieving I often prefer privacy, because I find it overstimulating to be around other people on top of trying to process my feelings. I wonder if you relate?
I hope you can speak kindly to yourself, @Chloe234, because it feels like you've got a lot going on this weekend, and truly there's no right or wrong way to feel.
Is there anything you can think of that might help you get some privacy over the next few days? For me, sometimes making a calm music playlist and listening to that in the car through noise-cancelling headphones can help me feel like I'm in my own safe 'bubble' even if other people are close-by.
Thinking of you, Chloe
Pretty rubbish to be honest. The grief from losing my step mom is definitely surfacing again a lot but then all I wanna do is try to hide it because I wanna be there for everyone at the funeral tmmr. I feel bad for saying it but I'm not really grieving the person who's funeral it is purely because if the fact, I didn't know him.
Yeah 100%, if I'm struggling in any case all I usually want is space or for the person to let me come to them if I need them but being in the hotel I won't get that and it frustrates me. I also just genuinely like the space as I often struggle at night so it'd be a bit harder to hide and cope. I'll just end up getting even more overwhelmed and overstimulated
I don't really know, I've got my noise cancelling headphones and music on at the moment as we're in the car on the way already. I can't have them on fully tho as I've been in put in the front so dad has someone to chat to and keep him awake if he wants it while driving and if my headphones were fully on then he'd get moody. I won't really have anything in the hotel room though.
No matter what connection or relationship you had with the person, I think funerals always come with difficult emotions. By the sounds of it this sounds even more difficult from the loss of your step-mum. It's not bad that you're not grieving the person whose funeral it is tomorrow Chloe. In fact this sounds really understandable considering you don't know him. It's kind of you to pay your respects and be there for your family though
You may find your family relate with being affected more by this funeral because of your step-mom's. I wonder if it brings you any comfort knowing they're there with you and possibly feeling similar to how you are?
I hear that sharing a hotel room with no privacy will come with its own set of challenges too. Do you think you'd be able to use your noise-cancelling headphones and music whilst you're in the hotel too for a bit of an escape? It sounds really frustrating not having space when you feel overwhelmed, and I hope these next couple of nights go quite quick for you so that you can get back home in the comfort of your own room.
I'm sending you so many hugs Chloe
I guess in a way but then i dont know. We dont really talk to each other so idrk how theyre feeling o im just alone with it all
Yeah maybe. At the moment we still havent checked in so i still dont know how the room is yet. We arrived at about 10 which 5 hours including 2 stops wasnt too bad of a drive up,
Were going out for dinner tonight which im dreading. Were going to the chinese but i hate chinese food and apparently theres gonna be like 20 of us which im not looking forward too. Its gonna be so overwhelming and im already tired enough from only having 4 hours sleep
It does sound overwhelming - with not liking the food and with there being so many people, especially after such a lack of sleep. Could you maybe create a small sub-group within those 20 people or choose an item you do like on the menu (even if it is not a full meal?).
I like sweet and sour chicken at the Chinese but I recognise they do foods like chips and rice etc as well, if you just wanted something more plain. What sorts of foods do you enjoy the most? Could you use that as a base or order something different to the hotel room, maybe?
There was a whole phiasco last night and there was an argument so rhe people I hung with ended up leaving and I don't even know. It was a shitty night but ah well.
Ended up just having chips lmao
When we went to the pub where we were having the wake, it started okay but then there was a massive argument and I got dragged into the middle of it and for some reason arguments are a big trigger for me. It was between my dad and another lady and it was just so much. I ended up just going and hiding in the toilets when it first started and then I went and sat alone where I was joined by some of the people who I just started to break down to.
I held a lot in though because I wasn't gonna make the day all about me. My dad went out where the woman was again though so I ended up hiding in the toilets again with the others vaping because I didn't want another argument to start. After that I ended up sitting alone though. I wash shaking, just trying not to cry and then I've bitten my nails so much they're now hurting because of anxiety and stuff.
My dad's just given me the cold shoulder all evening since then though. Hasn't said a word to me and now we're back at the hotel in bed and I'm sat with my headphones on.
I've read through this thread and it just sounds like a lot of awful things have been happening at once for you. It seems like this funeral has triggered emotions and memories of loss in your own life, and on top of it all you're focused on trying to be supportive to those around you while also going through something quite painful yourself. You have such a kind heart, worrying about the people around you and feeling helpless as you're unable to take their pain away. It may not seem like it but your presence already makes a difference, as you're alongside these people who are grieving.
I hope you find the opportunity to let go of all the things you've been holding in, whether it be a good cry, venting in this space, reaching out to a loved one who you can trust etc. It sounds quite lonely that your dad is giving you the cold shoulder. This is a time where you especially deserve warmth, love, patience and kindness