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(TW: discussion of racism) I’m ashamed to be a part of my family
bignosegirly0
Posts: 50 Boards Initiate
Before I get into this topic, I’ve tried deleting my account, but considering I’ve got a lot of replies I need to respond to, I thought I’d might as well get back on the app. So if anyone has responded to any of my posts without a reply, I promise I will respond. Sorry for the delay.
Edit: I won't be able to respond to replies in deleted posts. Sorry
I’m a white person with an all-white family. One thing that makes me want to cut off my family is the casual racism. There would be moments where I actually enjoy being with my family and would be grateful to have them until they randomly decide to be racist. Examples includes:
•doing stereotypical accents of Asian / black people. The worst example was when my family was visiting my older brother who happened to have Asian neighbours. My dad would make a stereotypical Asian accent outside the neighbours house.
•my dad has said the n word numerous times in public, usually when mocking black people.
•when I was going to the gym with my brother, he got into a road rage and used “Jew” as an insult
•during our trip to New York, my family fetishised black women about how they all have “big butts”
•during COVID, my dad was ranting about an annoying client/coworker (who was Asian) and said “why don’t go eat rice?” And “I hate Chinese people in the work place”
•literally yesterday when visiting my Nan, she went on a rant about how Muslims are “invading” the UK, (this is said after discussing trumps elections, where she mentions an interview of a black lesbian couple expressing their worries of having their rights taken away, in which she mocks them and respond with “you’ll just keep living life the way you do.”, which I find ironic)
There has been times in the past where I’ve called my family out on it, but they don’t give a shit. They never listen and just say I’m being sensitive.
I would like to cut my family out my life, but I haven’t got enough to own a house or car yet. (Maybe in the next two years, I could)
But while I’m stuck with them, I feel very ashamed. They never listen to me, so I don’t know what to do.
I fear that I will end up like them, since this behaviour seems so normalised.
Edit: I won't be able to respond to replies in deleted posts. Sorry
I’m a white person with an all-white family. One thing that makes me want to cut off my family is the casual racism. There would be moments where I actually enjoy being with my family and would be grateful to have them until they randomly decide to be racist. Examples includes:
•doing stereotypical accents of Asian / black people. The worst example was when my family was visiting my older brother who happened to have Asian neighbours. My dad would make a stereotypical Asian accent outside the neighbours house.
•my dad has said the n word numerous times in public, usually when mocking black people.
•when I was going to the gym with my brother, he got into a road rage and used “Jew” as an insult
•during our trip to New York, my family fetishised black women about how they all have “big butts”
•during COVID, my dad was ranting about an annoying client/coworker (who was Asian) and said “why don’t go eat rice?” And “I hate Chinese people in the work place”
•literally yesterday when visiting my Nan, she went on a rant about how Muslims are “invading” the UK, (this is said after discussing trumps elections, where she mentions an interview of a black lesbian couple expressing their worries of having their rights taken away, in which she mocks them and respond with “you’ll just keep living life the way you do.”, which I find ironic)
There has been times in the past where I’ve called my family out on it, but they don’t give a shit. They never listen and just say I’m being sensitive.
I would like to cut my family out my life, but I haven’t got enough to own a house or car yet. (Maybe in the next two years, I could)
But while I’m stuck with them, I feel very ashamed. They never listen to me, so I don’t know what to do.
I fear that I will end up like them, since this behaviour seems so normalised.
Post edited by bignosegirly0 on
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Comments
Some of my family are racist too. It drives me mad. It’s so annoying because as a community of travellers we receive a lot of abuse and my family are very quick to call it out when people use slurs or stereotypes against us. Like when we’re called “pikeys” .. but then they go on and do the exact same thing to other people clearly not realising it’s the same cycle of ignorance and hurt 🤦🏼♂️
It’s so sad that this is normalised in so many families but the fact that we are aware of it and talking about it/calling it out is breaking the cycle. And everytime we recognise that what they’re saying is wrong , we are distancing ourselves from their views and building our own values.
Someday we will have our freedom to choose our own circle but for now I guess we can just be proud not being like them.
You’re not going to end up like them, you’ve already recognised that it’s wrong💚
but ultimately the fact you recognise the offence such statements can have and are willing to call it out shows that you aren't like those members of your family at all. Even from just that post you made, it's fairly clear to me that your personal values and beliefs don't align with the ones of your family members who are making such comments - and for that keep going!!!!!!
As hard as it can be, as much as we educate people on why such remarks are hurtful, some people refuse to accept it as such. But keep doing what you're doing and i'm sure you won't be like them - even in 10, 20, 50 years time
Hope you're doing okay today and sending hugs
Sinead
I think sometimes being so self-aware comes with a whole host of responsibilities that a lot of people don't necessarily have, and it's a hard burden to bear. I have lots of friends who have complained about their family doing some or all of these but they woukdn;t consider cutting them off, whereas I have similar thoughts to you. There's absolutely no correct answer and everyone will have different opinions on what the best action would be, whatever you decide on should be best for you but still be in line with your values and I know you'll find a way to find that balance. It might be something that changes over time too, you might not have the courage right now and it might come in time along with practicalities like money etc. Well done for sticking to your values regardless