Situation with a pool group member and a friend

Creativeboy23

Some situations have been making me feel really low.

I shared with a pool group member that it really affected me when he did not respect my absences at pool. He got defensive and did not take any accountability for his behaviour. He lied to the other members that I was being rude, making me out to be a bad person. It hurt me that he was being dishonest and spoke about me behind my back. I clarified the situation, and he still said I was being rude. I spoken to Mind about it but it did not help much.

I shared with a friend that I was really affected when she told me to write down my feelings when I already do that. She apologised and was telling me she meant it as a suggestion because she was looking out for me as a friend, but it has been still upsetting me. She brought it up again on video call and said that I got the wrong end of the stick. Since then, it has left me thinking that she implied that my emotions and thoughts were inaccurate and that they are unimportant. So, I have been feeling invalidated, hurt, isolated, and blamed. I know thoughts and feelings are not always an accurate reflection of a situation, but I think and feel the way I do regardless. I have been very confused about my feelings and thoughts in general. Now, I am thinking that they may be inaccurate making it hard to feel and share them.

Azziman

Hey @Creativeboy23, thank you for sharing this with us today. I'm sorry to hear that the pool group member was unkind to you. I can hear how someone being rude to you and telling lies behind your back was hurtful. You did a good thing by speaking to Mind about it, but it sounds like that wasn't much help. Is there someone else there you can speak to about this incident? Is this pool group member someone that you'll come across often in future?

For the second situation, I can understand that you felt upset because you felt your feelings and thoughts weren't considered important. It sounds like she was trying to make a helpful suggestion with good intention, but that you were affected by that suggestion since you're already writing down your feelings. Have you spoken to your friend since? It sounds like a conversation about the topic might help to clear the air here. How would you feel about doing this? We're here to support you

Creativeboy23

Hello @Azziman.

No. It did not help much.

Yes. There are staff members, so I could try to talk to one of them about the situation, but it will be challenging with the regular pool group member. I hope I will feel heard and supported.

No. I have not shared with her how I felt because I am worried she may reject my feelings and thoughts. I also think I may be struggling to because I am confused about my emotions and thoughts, so I have been thinking that they are invalid to share. It is unlikely she will dismiss them because she said she wanted to look out for me as a friend when she made the suggestion, which is caring. Also, of course, my feelings and beliefs are not invalid but past invalidation and possibly CBT has lead to this doubt. I will try to talk to her about it.