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Life feels stuck and I'm mad at myself
RainbowPenguin
Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
So... I feel really stuck in a rut right now. Career wise, life wise, everything really. In so many different ways (and I've got some kind of cold, not much energy, so that's not helping):
- I don't like my job much, except that it pays fairly well, mainly because it's boring work with super early shifts (5 or 6:30 am start often).
- I want to find a new one, or maybe go freelance, but I'm always tired after work and I have to go to bed early most days because of the early starts, and I'm not sure what useful skills I have after over a year of repetitive boring office work
- I want to write non-boring stuff on my blog, and do workshops and stuff to learn new skills, but see above re time and energy
- I'm also trying to study to finally pass my driving theory test, but at the rate I'm going...
- I don't want to keep living with my parents miles away from the city. But rent is so expensive, so then maybe I should save for a house - but then my sector isn't the most well paid so what about the mortgage?
- I want to travel but I'm worried about time, money, etc
- I want to get out and build networks and friendships but because of my shifts I can stay out late in evenings, especially not with the long journey back home
- And of course, I feel like I should be able to solve all those issues and move forward with my fucking goals already, but I've barely even gotten around to writing those goals down and dividing them into smaller bits. And I'm so fucking furious with my stupid self because I can't stop procrastinating, all the time, turning on YouTube videos because it feels like the only way to unfreeze my brain even though it just distracts me. Like, i feel like I'm never going to do or experience anything meaningful or worthwhile on my own because I'm so stupid and useless and pathetic.
Sorry, self-loathing rant over.
- I don't like my job much, except that it pays fairly well, mainly because it's boring work with super early shifts (5 or 6:30 am start often).
- I want to find a new one, or maybe go freelance, but I'm always tired after work and I have to go to bed early most days because of the early starts, and I'm not sure what useful skills I have after over a year of repetitive boring office work
- I want to write non-boring stuff on my blog, and do workshops and stuff to learn new skills, but see above re time and energy
- I'm also trying to study to finally pass my driving theory test, but at the rate I'm going...
- I don't want to keep living with my parents miles away from the city. But rent is so expensive, so then maybe I should save for a house - but then my sector isn't the most well paid so what about the mortgage?
- I want to travel but I'm worried about time, money, etc
- I want to get out and build networks and friendships but because of my shifts I can stay out late in evenings, especially not with the long journey back home
- And of course, I feel like I should be able to solve all those issues and move forward with my fucking goals already, but I've barely even gotten around to writing those goals down and dividing them into smaller bits. And I'm so fucking furious with my stupid self because I can't stop procrastinating, all the time, turning on YouTube videos because it feels like the only way to unfreeze my brain even though it just distracts me. Like, i feel like I'm never going to do or experience anything meaningful or worthwhile on my own because I'm so stupid and useless and pathetic.
Sorry, self-loathing rant over.
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