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Hospital
spacedog
Posts: 1,192 Wise Owl
Left hospital twice now to get really really drunk but they said they wouldn't refer me to alcohol services because I don't have withdrawal symptoms but they said if I get drunk or anything one more time they would discharge me and throw me out - I'm just sitting in my wee corner on the floor. With my blanket and my pillow and I've just been crying and crying and crying and there's also one nurse that's the same age as me and every time I see her it just breaks me down and I cry and cry harder because she's doing so much with her life and I'm just "abusing the care given to me" and being a complete failure I want to kill myself
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Comments
I can understand how comparing yourself to others who are in a similar stage of life to you can make you feel anxious or upset. But importantly, you're not abusing any care. Care and support is specifically there to help people who need it. And in this case where you want and need support, you're deserving of it, simple as. There's enough to go around for everyone who needs it, and that includes you too.
Are you safe? It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation at the moment. I've included some support services below who you can contact if you need someone to talk to. They might not be able to explain what's wrong, but talking about what's on your mind can help to lift some burden off your shoulders. In the mean time, please let us know on how you're getting on. You're not alone, we're here to support you and listen to you during this time:
I'm so sorry @spacedog. What a horrible ordeal. There's nothing worse than being in the pits and needing someone to just meet you where you're at, but then they don't. You're not drinking to have a laugh, you're sick, and I kind of hate that they used that language with you "abusing the care given to you" because you are obviously not doing this on purpose.
I don't know if this will help because it may not resonate right now, but I only started to put my life together in my 20's. It's important to show yourself the compassion and patience you need to become well, to figure some of this stuff out, and understand yourself and what you need. You're a very kind and capable person and I think you'd be giving other people in this situation a lot more slack than you're giving yourself right now. Try to go easy on yourself.
Keep crying it out if you need to. Other than this community, have you been speaking to or seeing anyone while you're in hospital? Any family or friends?