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She's gone (tw grief, suicide)
Chloe234
Community Champion Posts: 3,553 Community Veteran
My friend was in crisis earlier and messaged me but I wasn't able to fully support her and she wouldn't reach out to helplines or anything and now she's gone... I don't know how to process it 💔 she's really gone and there's nothing I can do. I feel so guilty though as if I should've done more to help but I didn't and I just can't believe it. I'm so broken
🦆💜🦆💜🦆
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Comments
i just wanted to remind you that it is okay to feel however you are feeling. grief is a personal journey that everyone experiences differently. it can take time to process such events so try and allow yourself the time to do so.
i also wanted to say that what has happened is not your fault. it may not feel like 'you did enough' due to the situation, but i'm sure you gave her all you could in trying to support her. remember to be gentle to yourself and your mental health as you grieve and come to terms with the fact she's gone.
and remember we are all here for you as always.
Suicide is a complex and painful issue, and it's okay to have questions. How are you doing today? Is there anything you'd like to talk about?
Processing grief is a good and healthy thing, and there are many ways to do it. Some people find it helpful to talk it out, while others prefer to write about their feelings or even spend time in nature. You might also find it helpful to join a support group for people who have lost someone to suicide.
Here are some suicide bereavement services that can provide support and resources:
Papyrus: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/contact-us/
Cruse: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/local-services/
Sending love and big hugs to you, friend 💐
Firstly, I wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear this. This is an incredibly painful situation and it is going to be very difficult to process and carry. I am sending you the biggest hug
Losing someone like this can be super overwhelming, so it's natural to replay everything in your head, thinking about what we could have done differently, but I want to reiterate that it isn't your fault. You were there in the way you could be, and sometimes we can't control how things unfold, even though we wish we could
How are you going to look after yourself this evening?
I don't know how I feel I'm confused rn... turns out she's alive? But like it's because her parents found her and she's in hospital and like I'm relieved but it's such a weird feeling idk, it's so weird. I grieved but now trying to process she's not dead? Idk I've got so many emotions rn
How you are feeling is so valid you've been through so much in the space of a couple of days. There's a lot for you to process so take your time - there's no rush. We're here for you as you navigate these emotions. You might find it useful to write out how you're feeling, or even use your art as an expression. Take some time for yourself these next few days, this is a lot for anyone to handle and sit with. I'm just so relieved for you Chloe
I don't really know? I'm struggling but I don't wanna admit it. My friend won't stop messaging about it all either, like yeah I wanna be there for them but it's a bit much constantly and they keep commenting on methods and stuff. They're in hospital but they won't talk to anyone and I just feel powerless I guess. I want things to be okay but they're really not and I really don't want to have to have 2 weeks half term with no one either.
Yes there's helplines but i can't reach out to them and it's just not fair. I'm tired of feeling this way and even just typing that is hard. I'm in college yet again so I don't do anything whole being home alone and it's all just really hard atm idk. I want to scream and cry but it won't come out. I'm trying to support my friend but I just don't know what to say and I don't want to mess up accidentally.
I just want to be okay. I want everything to be okay 💔💔
it sounds like a lot is on your plate at the moment and it's okay to not feel okay about it. it's understandable that the situation with your friend has left you with a lot of confusion. i'm glad your friend is okay and still with us - that's great news.
and i know how you feel you should be there for your friend at this time, but also remember to take care of yourself too - you're mental health matters too. if you feel things are getting too much for you it's okay to take a breather. you're doing your best in a challenging situation and that is all anyone can ever ask of you.
i hear you also aren't looking forward to the half-term coming up either. have you got anything planned for that time at the moment or is there anything you could do to give yourself some time to relax and make yourself happy?
remember we are always here for you and sending you the biggest of hugs.
May we check in to ask whether you yourself are feeling safe right now too? We hear that half-term is coming up and that being home alone can be tough. How do you think you might be able to take care of yourself when half-term comes around? Will anyone else in your life be around you at that time?
It's so good to hear your friend's parents are supporting her and that hospital staff are aware of what's happened too. That feels positive. It's totally valid for you to have limits when it comes to supporting your friend at this time, or to feel like you can't be available 24/7. That's a lot of pressure to have on your shoulders, and both you and your friend deserve all the extra support that you're looking for right now. How do you think you could listen to yourself and respect your own boundaries if things ever do feel like 'too much' with your friend messaging you?
We'll be here for you, Chloe
Is This Okay? - https://www.isthisok.org.uk/
Childline - https://www.childline.org.uk/
Thankyou for the reply (idk who but..) @TheMix (?)
How do you think you could listen to yourself and respect your own boundaries if things ever do feel like 'too much' with your friend messaging you?
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I dont know im struggling but i should be okay. I reached out to student services and spoke to someone today so i suppose thats a positive but now its the 2 weeks off so feels like there was no point. I guess my face is known now and stuff tho. Theyre also going to continue with the support when im back tho so that should be good.
Yeah im safe. Idk ill probably just live in bed the whole time and hope ill remain safe. For the first week monday, tuesday and friday ill have my sisters with me but ill have to get through wednesday and thursday alone but then the week after my sisters will be there all week.
If it feels like too much sometimes ill just blank the message i guess but idk i put up with it
I’m Claire, nice to ‘ meet’ you
Thank you for sharing that you’re safe.
Being there for your friend sounds like a lot to hold, it’s valid to recognise when messages feel like too much for you.
How are you feeling today?
We’re here for you, speak soon!
Not really I tend to struggle a lot more when im alone but havent really found ways of reducing it. Recently ive just been avoiding it by going into college on the days im meant to be alone but obviously thats not an option over half term. I guess ill probably just stay curled up in bed and hope that everything is okay.
I just dont want to step back or anything because id be worried if they did something itd be my fault for not being there
Im just really numb today i dont know, i think it factors in the fact im not at college tmmr and i see college as my safe place and my escape from everything but instead i gotta face it. Ive noot reached out to the services no. I always struggle reaching out to other services as im always just too anxious.
Thankyou for the support
It would never be your fault though. You cannot be responsible for someone else's safety (certainly not all on your own!) even if you are such a caring and supportive person. You deserve to sleep and to take care of yourself.
You have mentioned being around people really helpful but it is not that positive in half term. Some colleges, unlike schools, still have spaces like the library which you can attend in half term. Is this available at your college? Could you ask people to meet up during the holidays?
Your feelings, including being numb, are completely valid - not least with all you have been through recently. What else might help keep you safe whilst you cannot go to College?
We are all here with you. Please do let us know if there is anything we can do to help further, either directly or with making it more accessible to reach out to other services! It might also be worth thinking about what makes us feel less anxious to approach and if there are any similarities in some services (like online communities rather speaking on the telephone, for example)
Just to say that was me who accidentally replied from The Mix account above! I'm a new mod, so learning the ropes. It feels so lovely to be here and meet you all
I'm really glad to hear you'll have your sisters with you for the first three days of half-term, and then next-week too. That sounds comforting. How aware are they of what you're going through right now? I wonder what it might be like to tell them you're nervous about spending days on your own?
It's totally valid that you're feeling numb right now, and truly there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to feel in these kinds of situations. It sounds like its been overwhelming, and you're processing things in your own time. Living in bed on the hard-days also sounds like a super valid way to cope and get through, and it's 100% okay if some days (or weeks, or months) 'all' that we manage to do is to survive and exist - that is huge! I sometimes have days where I stay in bed too. I'll make myself a yummy snack bowl of fruits and crackers and chocolate so I can take care of myself if cooking feels like too much effort
I hope you can be gentle with yourself, because you're doing so well, Chloe, - reaching out to social services, talking to us all here, trying to take breaks from messaging your friend when it gets too much.
It's a lot to cope with, and it can be really brave to dare to say, 'I'm struggling'
I guess but then i dont wanna risk it still
I dont think it is an option with our college unfortunately and also the bus doesnt run within the half term so i cant get anywhere. That therfor also rules out meeting up with people unfortunately
I dont know in all honesty. I think its a case of curling up in bed and just hoping everythings all fine for the next 2 weeks
I dont know if ill ever be able to reach out to other helplines. I just cant give all my trust or id be too scared they would call emergency services on me or something. I dont like talking 1-1 much either unless i already know the person or something.
Theyre not really aware at all tbh. They know that i attempted back in february and struggle with self harm but thats about as much as they know. I dont wanna risk telling anyone in my faily because theyll get really over the top about it. My dad will think im being silly, my sisters will shake it off and one of them will probably just say im attention seeking again lol. I think its only wednesday ill be alone now so its just one day i guess