does it ever get better?

eylah

my week has been so bad like im so done from the week i have had bc its been rly exhausting. Im trying everyday to get better bc im trying to deal with it alone but idk its just everyday is another day of exhaustion its not nice . im constantly dealing with dads ab!se to its getting rly tiring bc im trying my best from him but hes exhausting me with his words. im missing mum sm to i want her back bc she was reason why im here. i miss you mum . im so very tired but my mind wobt leave me alone im exhausted. sry for such a ridiculous post just my head is exhausting.

Azziman

Hey @eylah, thank you for sharing how you feel with us - it's not ridiculous at all, talking about our wellbeing is part of what the forum is for!

I'm really sorry to hear that you've had a hard and tiring week. I hear how the way your dad is treating you, and missing your mum, are both on mind a lot. Would you like to share a little more about these, and how they're tiring you out?

I'm glad to hear that you're trying your best each day. Sometimes it can feel like there's a lot on our plate or minds, so taking things a day at a time is a healthy approach to have. I hope that you're okay, and please know that we're here to support you and listen to you - you're not alone

eylah

well dads stressing me out bc he wont leave me alone and its upsetting me bc i just want to hide away but he seems to like causing me problems. im struggling still to cope with mums death bc ik it was for the best but its killing me bc shes my mum at end of the day.

eylah

hes been horrible today so far since i woke up hes so horrible .

TheMix

Hey @eylah, thanks so much for your message

It sounds like things have been extreamly hard these past few days and you're totally exhausted - that's so valid. It's been one thing after another.

We're so sorry that you're still having to deal with your dad's behaviour in this way. That's really overwhelming and stressful, esspecially whilst you're grieving your mum as well. You mentioned to us a little while ago that you've been in touch with social services who are supporting your with your dad and you're moving into new accommodation soon - is that right? How things are going with moving out from living with your dad?

Its also really valid too that you're still struggling to process your mum's death. There is no timeline when it comes to grief, and it may come in waves. Absolutely everything you're feeling about losing her makes sense. She is your mum, and she was incredibly important to you When you're really missing her, is there anything that helps you to feel connected to her again, or that brings you comfort?

Be kind to yourself, Eylah. We're all here for you

eylah

TheMix wrote: »

Hey @eylah, thanks so much for your message

It sounds like things have been extreamly hard these past few days and you're totally exhausted - that's so valid. It's been one thing after another.

We're so sorry that you're still having to deal with your dad's behaviour in this way. That's really overwhelming and stressful, esspecially whilst you're grieving your mum as well. You mentioned to us a little while ago that you've been in touch with social services who are supporting your with your dad and you're moving into new accommodation soon - is that right? How things are going with moving out from living with your dad?

Its also really valid too that you're still struggling to process your mum's death. There is no timeline when it comes to grief, and it may come in waves. Absolutely everything you're feeling about losing her makes sense. She is your mum, and she was incredibly important to you When you're really missing her, is there anything that helps you to feel connected to her again, or that brings you comfort?

Be kind to yourself, Eylah. We're all here for you

i have a date the flat social services give me is november 4th so not long? idk how long tbh but its better then nothing. i have mums ashes and im trying to decide whether keep some and out her in a necklace bc ik she will be with me everywhere then. or scatter her and keep some idk im confused rn bc im struggling with my mh im trying every day but baby steps. abt dads agressive state he is like this most days bc hes a agressive person idk why just is but im just going for walks every day to get away from it. thankyou for replying it means sm to me . i look at sunsets sunrises and think she is loooijg down on me and im hoping im making her proud bc i hope i am bc i will forever love my mum. :’(.

eylah

things are getting rly heavy for me today im rly struggling and idk how to cope at all. im safe its just im fed up of everything bc of dad etc but i xant go for a walk bc its windy and dangerous bc a storm is coming so idk .

Claire28

Hi @eylah


I’m Claire, nice to ‘ meet’ you 😊 I’m helping out on community over the next couple of months so you’ll see me pop up on the boards and chats.

Thank you for sharing that you’re safe I’m hearing things are feeling heavy and you’re fed up of everything which is valid. It can be hard to feel stuck in the house because of the weather too. Is there anything you could do inside to help you distract yourself? Sometimes I’d like to journal to get feelings out or watch something comforting like a Disney film.

It’s good to hear you have a move in date that’s not too far away. How are you feeling about moving?

It sounds comforting to see sunsets and sunrises and think of your mum. The ideas you have for your mum’s ashes are so thoughtful. it’s completely okay to take things at your own pace when you’re processing everything.

We’re all here for you Eylah.

eylah

my psychiatrist has stopped my medication bc of things ive done but not happy abt it bc it rly helped me but he says he can’t trust me. im moving to my own flat no help from anyone idk why he done this to me im trying to think of positive that hes trying to keep me safe but hes not bc its making me agitated that now i dont have that. i like disney to @Claire28 whats your fav film? or characters. i can’t do much bc of my physical health bc it stops me a lot from walking etc so cant. but ive just watched air ambulance programs all day bc its just yeah idk . thankyou

eylah

im struggling sm rn noone cares abt me .

sinead276

hey @eylah - sorry to hear you're struggling right now. hopefully you feel a bit better this morning

just wanted to remind you that we all care about you so much here. we are here whenever you need.

sending a big hug

eylah

all i do is complain so i have no place here to open up. im a useless person bc even my own father said i am. im fed up bc i just want to be ok bc i been through so much shit the past few months its so so shit.

Katie

eylah wrote: »

all i do is complain so i have no place here to open up. im a useless person bc even my own father said i am. im fed up bc i just want to be ok bc i been through so much shit the past few months its so so shit.

Hey @eylah we're here for you and you can open up to us You've done so well already and been so brave in sharing how you've been doing lately. I hear you that you've been through so much but you're still here and facing each day. That's amazing in itself!

Your move in date is getting closer how are you feeling about it? Do you have everything you need or any idea on how you want to decorate? It'll be your own space which you can tailor to you! Surround yourself with everything you like Eylah!

i have mums ashes and im trying to decide whether keep some and out her in a necklace bc ik she will be with me everywhere then. or scatter her and keep some idk im confused rn bc im struggling with my mh im trying every day but baby steps.

I just want to say there is absolutely no pressure or rush to decide what to do with your mum's ashes. There are so many options out there nowadays and just know that whatever you decide will be lovely. Technically you could do all of those options as they only need a small amount for the necklace. You could then scatter the rest and/or keep some. The choice is entirely up to you but like you said let's focus on baby steps. Sending you so many hugs Eylah you've got this

eylah

Katie wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

all i do is complain so i have no place here to open up. im a useless person bc even my own father said i am. im fed up bc i just want to be ok bc i been through so much shit the past few months its so so shit.

Hey @eylah we're here for you and you can open up to us You've done so well already and been so brave in sharing how you've been doing lately. I hear you that you've been through so much but you're still here and facing each day. That's amazing in itself!

Your move in date is getting closer how are you feeling about it? Do you have everything you need or any idea on how you want to decorate? It'll be your own space which you can tailor to you! Surround yourself with everything you like Eylah!

i have mums ashes and im trying to decide whether keep some and out her in a necklace bc ik she will be with me everywhere then. or scatter her and keep some idk im confused rn bc im struggling with my mh im trying every day but baby steps.

I just want to say there is absolutely no pressure or rush to decide what to do with your mum's ashes. There are so many options out there nowadays and just know that whatever you decide will be lovely. Technically you could do all of those options as they only need a small amount for the necklace. You could then scatter the rest and/or keep some. The choice is entirely up to you but like you said let's focus on baby steps. Sending you so many hugs Eylah you've got this

i am excited to decorate for xmas bc i can make it feel cosy especially in rainy days. thankyou katie for your kind words your really lovely .

Sian321

Hey @eylah, just wanted to say it was me who accidentally replied from The Mix's account above on 18th October! I'm a new mod here, so finding my feet It's great to meet you.

It feels really beautiful that watching sunrises or sunsets helps you feel connected to your mum again and I can hear your love for her so much. She sounds like such a wonderful person and I totally want to echo what Katie's said above about there being no 'right' or 'wrong' way to spread or keep her ashes and no rush to decide. It feels like a really emotional decision for you, and I hope you can take all the time you need

I'm really sorry to hear your dad made a comment about you being useless. I can imagine that hurt a lot, and I just want to counter that by saying that your worth is so much bigger than how 'useful' you are in one person's eyes, even if that person is your father. We're here for you.

eylah

asking dad if he would come to my ultrasounds appts today bc im anxious bc its internal and just normal one so i have two ultrasounds today and im scared bc i hate them bc of past trauma but dads getting angry at me saying he has better things to do then go with me bc apparently bc im 18 i can do things on my own. i dont deserve this . im so anxious abt this .

eylah

the appt is at 3pm and i am sat here sobbing bc im debating whether to cancel bc i had this before it causes so much pain. i wish he cared abt me bc hes supposed to be my dad but hes acting so distant i dont deserve this im so tired of this tired of dad behaviour.

Katie

eylah wrote: »

asking dad if he would come to my ultrasounds appts today bc im anxious bc its internal and just normal one so i have two ultrasounds today and im scared bc i hate them bc of past trauma but dads getting angry at me saying he has better things to do then go with me bc apparently bc im 18 i can do things on my own. i dont deserve this . im so anxious abt this .

Hugs @eylah I hear you're feeling anxious and scared for these ultrasounds because of your past trauma. It can be a lot to have to do things that may be triggering even if they are important appointments. Is there anyone else that would be able to go with you?

I also want to ask if there's anything you might be able to take with you that could help with grounding and regulating your emotions? This could be some earphones for music, a cuddly toy or even a fidget toy. These might be able to help distract you whilst you're waiting or even during your appointments.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts today Eylah I want to echo that we hear how your dad is getting angry and how he is treating you. We agree that you don't deserve this at all Eylah. We care for you!

eylah

hi @Katie hope your well. my sister is busy with her bf today so she cant come with me . bc of everything happening in past with my ex etc im scared with this stuff. thankyou so much for the suggestions abt sensory stuff i forgot abt that stuff i think ill bring my teddy bear but i have to catch bus to get to the hospital for this but im scared bc i will look stupid carrying a teddy but its the teddy my mum had all her life. when im there and on bus i’ll try keep myself distracted by going on my phone but its just nerve wracking i hate hospital appts me mum died there so its hard i just wish dad would help me . thank you @Katie your so kind and thoughtful person i rly appreciate you so much .

Katie

@eylah Ah it's a shame your sister isn't able to come with you but you can do this Eylah. Bringing your teddy bear sounds like a brilliant idea and I'm sure it'll bring you so much comfort as it was your mum's. In a way she'll be there with you

Try not to worry about what people on the bus think - they don't know you or your story. Try to focus on your teddy and getting through the day. It sounds like the ultrasounds are important so coming up with a plan such as your teddy bear and phone can give you something to focus on so that you're able to attend them!

You mentioned that you've had these ultrasounds before and they can cause a lot of pain. Are you able to speak to the hospital staff at your appointments about how you can manage this pain? Cancelling the appointment is entirely up to you and only you can make that decision Eylah. Is it worth weighing up the pros and cons and thinking about why it's important you attend these ultrasound appointments?

Also, hospitals can be nerve-wracking anyway but I hear you that it's even harder for you now. I'm so sorry you don't have anyone to go with you Eylah. I believe if you take your teddy and distract yourself on your phone you'll be able to get through it. What do you think?

eylah

Katie wrote: »

@eylah Ah it's a shame your sister isn't able to come with you but you can do this Eylah. Bringing your teddy bear sounds like a brilliant idea and I'm sure it'll bring you so much comfort as it was your mum's. In a way she'll be there with you

Try not to worry about what people on the bus think - they don't know you or your story. Try to focus on your teddy and getting through the day. It sounds like the ultrasounds are important so coming up with a plan such as your teddy bear and phone can give you something to focus on so that you're able to attend them!

You mentioned that you've had these ultrasounds before and they can cause a lot of pain. Are you able to speak to the hospital staff at your appointments about how you can manage this pain? Cancelling the appointment is entirely up to you and only you can make that decision Eylah. Is it worth weighing up the pros and cons and thinking about why it's important you attend these ultrasound appointments?

Also, hospitals can be nerve-wracking anyway but I hear you that it's even harder for you now. I'm so sorry you don't have anyone to go with you Eylah. I believe if you take your teddy and distract yourself on your phone you'll be able to get through it. What do you think?

thankyou im just getting ready and got my teddy coming with me bc im anxious abt my appt but thankyou so much i appreciate your support so much .

eylah

i went got diagnosed with endometriosis .