I'm not sure where to go from here

KikiChanel

Tw- disordered eating

I'm really not sure where to go from here, my obsessive thoughts about food mean that it's hard to pay attention and attend all classes at school. The teachers have emailed my mum about some of my comments on food and calories and I'm terrified they might look through my search history or find out that I've convinced a teacher that I am doing a biology experiment when I use his scales. I just want to disappear and for everyone to leave me alone. I'm terrified of scaring my siblings or hurting my parents and logically I know they want the best for me, but in my head everyone is the enemy and I just want to fade away, I really don't know where to go from here.

Laura_tigger82

Sending you hugs and a warm welcome, first of all, @KikiChanel. I can hear how important it is that you do not scare/hurt anyone, especially your family.

It can be difficult when you are caught up in the cycle of self-destruction/disordered eating to feel like anyone is on your side and not against you for going against the behaviours which are harming you.

Have you heard of BEAT before? You may not wish to hear about it right now but they can support you if you would like to talk this through. What would you like to happen at the moment?

KikiChanel

thank you @Laura_tigger82 that's very kind of you, it can be hard especially as I can feel my behaviour escalating and part of me wants to continue but another part knows this isn't the answer. I will look into BEAT, I think at the moment I just need to see my doctor, and an appointment is booked and just keep busy and try and not fight my parents when they say I should eat

sinead276

@KikiChanel just wanted to echo what laura has said. it can be hard when our minds begin to convince us that people don't want to help when they do. and however you are feeling right now is perfectly okay to feel.

but remember - the fact you have even spoken about it on here shows that you're taking the first step and a part of you wants to get better. and for that you should be super proud of yourself.

hopefully your appointment goes well when it happens, and we will try and support you however we can when you need us to on here.

sending hugs
Sinéad

amy02

Just jumping in to agree you are so brave for sharing this with us @KikiChanel
I hope your appointment goes well and we are always here to talk through things with you