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i dont want to be here anymore. tw

eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
in Health & Wellbeing
im missing mum sm i feel so shit abt myself i have no purpose anymore. i was trying so hard for mum but now shes gone i have nothing. ik i keep going on abt her but i rly miss her sm i cry every night bc i keep thinking abt her. im rly struggling atm i feel so alone i have noone anymore im sry im just going through sm rn i just dk how to cope with such big feelings its horrible being in my head it hurts sm. im safe. :(
keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,065 Boards Champion
    Hey @eylah, thank you for sharing your feelings here with us. We see and hear you. I can hear how difficult things are for you at the moment, and that losing your mum has been really hard for you. And that's totally fair - losing a close loved one hurts a lot, so your feelings are completely valid. It sounds like it's really hard for you, and especially to have to go through this alone. Keeping you in thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult situation. Please do keep using this space to express yourself - we're here to support you through this, because you matter and your feelings are valid <3

    I'll also include some other contacts in case you want to reach out and talk to someone:
    - The Mix - call 08088084994; use the chat (https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-advisors); or use the Crisis Messenger (https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger)
    - Samaritans - call 116 123; use the chat (http://chat.samaritans.org/); or email (jo@samaritans.org).
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    Hey there is no need to be sorry at all. You have nothing to be sorry for and yes @azziman is right we are all here for you. Stay strong you’ve got this. Praying for you hon ❤️ Xx
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    edited September 25
    life doesnt matter anymore never has done i have noone irl dad keeps abusing me its not fair that mum has died. everything is to much for me bc im going through sm and everything is getting worse im so tired from everything. :heartbreak: i just want myself back. im safe
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    You may feel like your life doesn’t matter now but it does. Your situation is awful and I’m so sorry for that but please stay strong. I know it’s so hard and you are running on nothing but you are special you are worth it you are loved by someone and you matter. Grief is a cruel existence and your mother being that person is awful but her gaining her wings doesn’t mean it’s your time to gain yours. It means your life just became even more precious because she now can be your motivation to live your life as best as you can. You are her biggest accomplishment so yes of course greave her but after that make her proud by showing you will not let this beat you. Living without her will be hard but it is possible. You can do this and one day you will be so glad you stayed. You will reunite with her one day love but that time isn’t yet. ❤️❤️
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    these helplines take forever 😔
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    Unfortunately yes but I’m proud of you for reaching out to them well done ❤️
  • Matthew_04Matthew_04 Moderator Posts: 185 Helping Hand
    I'm so sorry it's taking a long time to get through to them, but you're doing a great job reaching out, it's a very brave thing to do <3
    We're all here for you @eylah keep reaching out <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    they answered talking to them now thankyou everyone. <3
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    not helpful back to sadness again missing mum sm rn. :heartbreak:
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    I’m sorry they couldn’t help hon but don’t give up we are all still here for you
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    struggling :heartbreak:
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    had rly bad stuff from dad when i got home im so scared. :( im safe though
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    Not going to lie hon but you don’t really sound it❤️
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    sry @Lucy_21 . he got rly angry and threw stuff abt which hit me but im ok bc i told him to go for a walk bc he is so angry but idk why bc i been out all day :(. but he did say sry for throwing stuff bc it hit me and he did apologise.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    Alright just please be careful and let any of us know if you need anything ❤️
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    hes so abusive 😭😭
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    I’m so sorry this is happening to you hon but stay strong we are here for you. Can’t you tell anyone what he’s doing to you?
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    tell who? i dont have anyone. im alone
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 2,120 Boards Champion
    Im so sorry for what you're going through right now @eylah you can pm me if you need and we're all here for you. There's no need at all for you to be sorry.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 135 The Mix Convert
    @TheNightmare is right you are not alone here and yes there is absolutely no need to be sorry. Never apologize for struggling, you are human and your feelings are valid. Isn’t there a professional you can talk to if you don’t have someone you know
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through @eylah. No one should ever be made to feel scared or be hurt in their own home. We'll drop you a DM to check in a bit more together but I wanted to echo the lovely support that's already been shared on here and let you know there's a lot of people here for you in our community. We're here to support you through this and you never have to go through this alone <3

    How are you feeling today?

    If you are looking for some support or to get some advice to help things feel safer at home, here's a few organisations you can reach out to. I've listed quite a few here but I wanted to make sure you had all the options available to you <3

    NSPCC - offers advice, counselling & information to those at risk of abuse, including children and young people themselves. They are open Monday to Friday 8am – 10pm or 9am – 6pm at the weekends on 0808 800 5000, or can email them at help@nspcc.org.uk.

    National Domestic Violence Helpline - offers practical information and emotional support for women and young people experiencing domestic violence. They can also refer women to refuges and safe housing throughout the UK. You can call them 24/7 on 0808 2000 247, chat to them online or email them using the contact form on their website www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk.

    Solace - offers advice, practical help, emotional support and therapeutic services to women who have been affected by any form of male violence. Their advice line number is 0800 802 5565 and is open 10am - 4pm Monday to Friday and additional hours of 6-8pm on Tuesdays. You can find out more on their website https://www.solacewomensaid.org or email them at advice@solacewomensaid.org.

    Women's Aid is an organisation working to support the survivors of abuse. They have a live chat where you can speak to an experienced volunteer. This is open Monday-Friday 8am-6pm and 10am-6pm on the weekends. You can email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk. They have a survivor's handbook which can help you with all aspects of abuse and a forum where you can connect with other women of similar experiences. They have a tool on their website that can help you connect in with services that are local to you. You can find out more over on their website too - https://www.womensaid.org.uk.

    How would you feel about reaching out to one of these organisations?
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,412 Community Veteran
    everything is so shit rn :(
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
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