At a loss (suicidal friend)

Rose113

TW// mentions of suicide and emergency services

So for the past week or so I’ve had an online friend come to me every night when there suicidal and without this sounding mean she is scaring me and I’m at a loss with her, I’ve tried contacting emergency services for her but because it’s TikTok they can’t find her and she won’t get help herself. I feel like I’m constantly on watch for her messages.

Earlier it was community champions chat and she messaged me again all suicidal so I had to leave chat to help her. I know I sound horrid but I’m so fucking drained with it and have no idea how to help her, I’m scared to do boundaries cos every other time I’ve done that I’ve lost people to suicide. I really don’t know what I’m ment to do anymore. I’ve tried everything I can think of

EmLiz

@Rose113 I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this right now It sounds like you really care about your friend, and it must be so hard to feel like you're on constant alert for her messages. I just want to say that you’re not horrid for feeling drained - it’s completely understandable to feel this way when you're trying to support someone through something like this.

I want to reiterate it’s really important to look after yourself as well. You can still care about your friend while encouraging her to reach out for professional help - you're only one person, and it's okay to admit that you can't handle all of this on your own. Sometimes setting boundaries can feel so scary, especially if you've had bad experiences before, but you deserve to protect your mental health as well.

I know you’ve already done so much by being there for her, and I can’t imagine how tough this must be for you. It might be worth gently reminding her that professional services are there for a reason and that, while you care about her so much, you’re not able to give all the support she really needs despite being there for her emotionally. You’re not alone in feeling this way - services like Samaritans or Shout can help to guide you on how to handle this while also taking care of yourself. I'll link a couple of guidance / advice articles below which talk in more detail about what to do in this kind of situation:

• Samaritans advice hub here
• Shout UK here
• Mind advice here

Please remember, setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care - it means you’re prioritising your own wellbeing too, and that’s so important Also, how are you doing through all of this? It sounds like it's been so draining, and I just want to make sure you're getting the support you need too. Have you had the chance to talk to anyone about how this is affecting you?

Rose113

@EmLiz it feels like my responsibility to keep her safe and I’m trying so hard whilst feeling crap myself, last night I fell asleep and she sent me some pictures and stuff and this morning I haven’t heared from her so gonna wait till break and if I don’t get a message from her then I’m gonna have to make another phone call.

Part of me feels like I need to cut off contact with her but she says I’m all she has which I understand that feeling so hardly that it makes me hesitant 😕

No other than on here I haven’t told anyone

EmLiz

@Rose113 I really hear you. It’s clear that you care really deeply about your friend and are doing everything you can to support her, even though it’s taking a toll on you Feeling like it’s your responsibility to keep her safe is really heavy.

I can also definitely see why you feel conflicted. Do you think she would be open to having a gentle conversation about the importance of reaching out to professional services, even if it’s difficult? From what you've said it's not about abandoning her, but about ensuring she gets the specialised help she needs. You can only do so much, and it sounds like you're doing and taking a lot.

How are you managing to look after yourself right now? Is there anyone you can talk to in more detail it might help, whether friends, families or counselling? Sometimes having someone to share your feelings with can make a big difference. You’re doing a lot, and it’s okay to ask for help for yourself too.

Rose113

Made another call cos not heared from her I don’t know how to help her at all

sinead276

Just wanted to say first of all - i hope you're doing okay @Rose113

I agree with the advice above - it's important that you look after your wellbeing as well. it sounds to me you're doing all you can to be a supportive friend for her when she's going through things. I know you may feel helpless right now but know you're doing a good job at being there for her. Hopefully she messages you back soon and it can somewhat put your mind at ease. But you are being really strong and we're proud of you. Just remember to take care of yourself too.

Sending hugs

Rose113

Lost a different friend to suicide, done nothing but cry for hours 💔

Rose113

Don't feel like going to college today just want to cry in bed

toffuna101

thats understandable. try to take care of yourself today and dont push yourself to do anything in case things get worse.

eylah

rose i’m so sry pls take gd care of yourself i’m sry for your loss.

ebyrne556

Hey @Rose113 just checking in on you today I'm so so sorry for your loss please look after yourself and we are here if you want to chat. Sending you so much love and thinking of you.

Also I've found the charity wunstons wish really helpful in the past if you want to check out their website if you want some more tailored support

https://winstonswish.org/

ella

Hey @Rose113 ,

I am so sorry to hear about the your friend. I know this must be incredibly difficult and painful, especially given you have experienced this before. This is an incredibly difficult thing to hold and process so please be kind to yourself during this time.

I can see that you’re trying to support someone through something similar on TikTok. This is such a kind thing to do but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their safety. While you can offer support and encouragement, you can’t “save” them. It’s natural to feel obligated to take care of others, but your own well-being and safety is just as important. Feeling responsible for another person's life is not something anyone should take lightly and I am sorry you are experiencing this.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I'll put some links below for you to explore if you need them:

The Support After Suicide Partnership provides support to individuals who have been bereaved by suicide. They offer guidance on what you can do if you are a friend, family member, sibling or even a witness of someone who has ended their life by suicide. They can support you in supporting someone else as well as putting you in touch with a local service near you. They can signpost to specific services based on your needs. To find out more, their website is https://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/

There is an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide who offer peer support to adults impacted by suicide loss. Their national helpline is open Sunday to Friday 9am-7pm and they can talk to you about your loss, provide help on being impacted by suicide or provide information. You can call them on 0300 111 5065 or alternatively email them on email.support@uksobs.org. They hold local face to face and virtual peer support groups. They also have online forums which can be accessed by completing a form on their website. For more information go to https://uksobs.com/

Winston's Wish is a UK-wide national helpline offering support, information, and guidance to children, young people, and anyone caring for a child/young person who has been bereaved. Their helpline and webchats are open Monday to Friday 8am-8pm. You can call them on 08088 020 021 or email them on ask@winstonswish.org or fill out the contact form on their website. They have a crisis messenger open 24/7 text WW to 85258. They hold online peer support grief groups for young people aged 7-25 and parents and carers. Visit their website for more information https://winstonswish.org/