College

Chloe234

I start college today and er well yeah I'm petrified lmao. New people, new place, new subject. Lots and lots of change.. I don't like change lol. Was supposed to get up 6:45am bit woke at 5:45am lol yet I worried last night I wpuldnt be up on time ahah.

Part of me is excited but I'm still also very anxious. Even just the fact we wear our own clothes and not a uniform is scary lol. How am I meant to pic an outfit Monday - Wednesday every year??

I've got an alternate timetable for today and tomorrow to settle in but today that's still:
50 mins lesson
Break 25 mins
1 hour 30 mins lesson
Lunch 45 mins
1 hour 30 mins tutor
1 hour 30 mins lesson

And then tomorrow:
1 hour 30 mins tutor
Break 25 mins
1 hour 30 mins lesson
Lunch 45 mins
1 hour 30 mins lesson
1 hour 30 mins lesson

Tomorrow is more like the normal layout of a day however we only have tutor the one day a week. I don't finish however till 4:25pm so it'll be a longggg day aha. The bus is about an hour to the college too so I leave in the morning 8:10am and get back 5.25pm ish :')

Well I'll let yall know how it goes

My course is a T level in early years education and childcare ahah

Chloe234

I don't know what I'm more anxious about phahaha, catching the bus or going college....I think it's the whole experience

toffuna101

good luck in college! i woke up earlier too so you dont need to worry about that.

kaii

@Chloe234, good luck with your first day in college! It's really cool that you're studying Early Years Education and Childcare! Give yourself as much time as you need to adjust - the community is always here for you

independent_

Good luck!!! The timetable will take a bit of getting used to, mine did. It's more relaxed than school though and hopefully there's more support too. Have fun and let us know how it goes

sinead276

I hope you had a good day at college and that things became less anxious for you once you got there

Chloe234

Today was so shit. Dont have the energy to explain rn but maybe will tmmr. Js dissappointed and drained. An argument with my sister over test didnt help either but oh well. eerythings falling apart but its fine. gonna go cry.

ebyrne556

Hey @Chloe234 just checking in on your this morning? So sorry to hear that yesterday didnt go well and that you had an argument with your sister over a test. We are here if u want to chat more about what happened and sending you hugs and support. Hope todays a better day for u

toffuna101

Chloe234 wrote: »

Today was so shit. Dont have the energy to explain rn but maybe will tmmr. Js dissappointed and drained. An argument with my sister over test didnt help either but oh well. eerythings falling apart but its fine. gonna go cry.

i hope things will be better for you today

Chloe234

ebyrne556 wrote: »

Hey @Chloe234 just checking in on your this morning? So sorry to hear that yesterday didnt go well and that you had an argument with your sister over a test. We are here if u want to chat more about what happened and sending you hugs and support. Hope todays a better day for u

Thankyou @ebyrne556 I'm still just completely exhausted and in a way dreading the day ahead. On the bus for college and having to stand for the hour because there's no seats. Sorry It meant to say text, I was just way too tired last night. We said sorry to eachother this morning but still feel pretty shitty about it tbh

sinead276

fingers crossed things look a bit better for you today

we are all here for you to listen if you need a place to offload and stuff - you've got this

Chloe234

First 2 days of College.
Thursday
Thursday was shitty to be honest. All day I spent it overwhelmed and like i felt I was going to have a panic/anxiety attack. I also ended up being mute for 99% of the day because it was all just too much. I tried to speak a little as on our table we had 5 people but if i said something they'd kinda look at me as if I was weird for talking so I just ended up saying nothing. At lunch and break my friend left me for one of her other friends as well so I ended up being alone. One of my lecturers Liz kept asking if I was okay but Id just nod and say I was even though I wasnt. Idk it was just a really shitty experience. We kept doing whole class Ice breakers as well and I ended up kinda just standing alone in the corner and it was pretty shitty. We had to fill out forms to get DBS checks done before going into college which also brought up some emotions from my past.

Friday
Friday was better. My anxiety was still really high but I didnt feel like i was gonna have a panic attack. Another person joined the class as well so they were put next to me and theyre a bit more outgoing so they spoke to me a bit more than the others had but I was still left out a fair bit. We did have a bit of fun looking at makaton and nursery rhymes so that was a good laugh. We wrote letters about ourselves to the lecturers as well to introduce ourselves and let them know some of our backgrounds so they knew a bit more about us and i wrote about the loss and stuff id experienced but i might write another because theres probably a few more things I should talk about to them.

Idk im dissappointed in all honesty because i hoped college would be great but i guess i just hope it will get better.

Gemma

Hey @Chloe234 - well done on your first few days at college. You've done so well to get there and should be really proud of yourself!

It sounds like your first two days have been really challenging, and it’s completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and disappointed. Starting something new can be tough, especially when it feels like you're not finding your footing socially yet. I really admire how you’ve been reflecting on the experience, especially recognising how your anxiety and emotions were playing out. It’s a big deal to even show up and engage when you’re feeling that way.

It's good that Friday was slightly better, and it’s great that someone more outgoing sat next to you and engaged in conversation. Even small improvements can be a sign that things might shift in a positive direction. Writing the letter sounds like a brave step to share your story with your lecturers as a way to help them understand you better.

How are you feeling about your ability to connect with your lecturers moving forward? Do you think having more one-on-one time with them could help you to share those other things you'd like to talk to them about? Also, how do you feel about the new person in your class? Do you think there's potential for a friendship with them?

Chloe234

Thankyou for the reply @Gemma
I dont know, i think i found it easier through the letter as i wasnt saying any of it face to face ad stuff. I dont think i would be able to talk to them face to face yet though. Ive written another letter with a bit more but i just dont want it to change how they see me or if they wanna have me on the course anymore or not. Idk shes 19 and im only 16 so i dont know if it would be normal for me to and im not good at making friends myself. I cant approach people so usually wait for them to approach me. I gues i tried to approach a couple people but it failed so even though i tried i kkinda went back to hiding.

Gemma

That's okay @Chloe234, we're all here for you.

I get that writing these things down can be a lot easier than facing that conversation face to face. It's really positive to hear that you've been able to write another letter. You could always give this to your lecturer at the end of your next class and say that you had realised you had more context to add to your first letter.

This shouldn't change how they see you @Chloe234 and it certainly shouldn't make them not want to have you on the course anymore. The fact that your lecturer set this task, shows that they're open to wanting to learn more about you all. It sounds like they're invested in everyone in the room and they know that to be able to support everyone, they need to know a bit more about what everyone is facing. Of course you should only share whatever you feel comfy sharing, but it sounds like it might be helpful for them to be aware of some things so they can support you through the course.

I understand the age gap can be quite daunting at your age, but if you're in the same class then the gap might not be so apparent when you're both in the same boat. It's totally normal to feel this way about making friends. It's daunting for most people! If approaching some people the first time didn't work, don't let this get you down. You've got a lot to give and you're a lovely, kind person who anyone would be lucky to be friends with.

Chloe234

Thankyou @Gemma

Ill think about it all

Laura_tigger82

It is okay to take time to think about it all @Chloe234. Any new change can take time to feel comfortable with.

How are you feeling about this upcoming week at the moment? We are here to support you through this and it sounds really positive that you were able to have fun looking at Makaton and nursery rhymes - one of my favourite parts about earlier education/childcare!

Chloe234

College is so fcking lonely. I've basically lost my best friend because she's got this massive whole group of friends who seem to be more important, I'm spending breaks and lunches alone because I have no friends, I'm stressed with keeping up in lessons. It's just everything I hoped it wouldnt be.

I love the course but it's just not the people or the whole experience side of the college

Aoife

I'm so sorry to hear how lonely your college experience is feeling @Chloe234. It can be one of the hardest things to lose your best friend and see them hanging out with another group without you. It's understandable you're feeling lonely and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling the experience is turning into everything you hoped it wouldn't be. How would you feel about speaking to your friend about how you've been feeling? Would you feel comfy asking to join her and the bigger group?

Chloe234

Thankyou @Aoife

I had a whole chat with her tonight and it's basically came to the outcome she's saying she will do better. And I don't really wanna be part of the group. There's so so so many people and also when I tried before I ended up just being invisible

Amy22

I hope your okay at the moment . College can be super scary at times, I've been there before myself. I hope your doing well at the moment and always remember I am here if you ever need somone to talk to right now .

Aoife

Well done for speaking with your friend @Chloe234, I know it can be really hard doing these things especially when it's a situation that's hurting us

How did you feel about her saying she will do better and the overall conversation you had together?

It's understandable to not want to be part of that group and the feelings you're having about being invisible. It's actually really hard with big groups of people and you're not alone in finding that hard. It's really good you know what's comfy and not so comfy for you when it comes to friendship groups. Am I right in thinking it was just the two of you before hanging out together and smaller groups are what feels more comfy for you?