If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
I really need you guys right now (TW)
Former Member
Posts: 54 Boards Initiate
Trigger warning: This message contains descriptions of domestic abuse throughout and suicidal ideation.
I won’t mention names in this, for the safety of my family and myself.
By safety I don’t mean there is an immediate risk to life. But that’s good right?
Well I learned the hard way that it’s actually worse. I realised how f*cked the mental health services are in this country. I know they’re trying though, that’s the sad thing about it. Capacity in my opinion is subjective. Some people can feign a lack of or a presence of it. I know some people might disagree. But masking is a trait in many mental health conditions.
I’m feeling worried and just really upset about my parents. I’m moving on to uni but the situation is unpredictable for them. I’ve tried everything. Nobody is f*ckng helping us.
I hear horrible things on the news and see how some these incidents progressed because of the neglect of mental health services.
I need your advice and support because these are tough times for me and my family.
I won’t mention names in this, for the safety of my family and myself.
By safety I don’t mean there is an immediate risk to life. But that’s good right?
Well I learned the hard way that it’s actually worse. I realised how f*cked the mental health services are in this country. I know they’re trying though, that’s the sad thing about it. Capacity in my opinion is subjective. Some people can feign a lack of or a presence of it. I know some people might disagree. But masking is a trait in many mental health conditions.
My siblings mental health has deteriorated for a year now and it doesn’t help that they use substances. Paired with a neurological condition, they are erratic, with constant mood swings, shifting from aggressive, controlling behaviour, threats of suicide when things don’t go their way, paranoia and violence.
There was an incident in which they assaulted my father and got arrested for ABH. The pain of hearing your own dad cry is something else. I felt like getting involved - like I had to fight back.
They got released the next day. My sibling also had the audacity to come back home, despite a DVPO being established for 2 weeks.
It isn’t entirely their fault though.. My parents dismiss the issue making rationalisations, hoping that they will change, or else my sibling will be homeless and become worse. Remember that my sibling has a serious disability and can’t function on their own. My sibling abuses my father financially as well as they have no job. We all have to explain ourselves to them due to their paranoia and there’s a lot of emotional abuse and controlling behaviours.
I rang emergency services again and poured my heart out to them. Telling them everything and saying I had evidence in text messages of his irrational thinking.
I got a phone call from an officer who seemed pissed off at me. I said is everything ok, and they said “you go ask him yourself”.
They deemed that my sibling had capacity and said they are ok.
You see my sibling is good at masking things but if you spent enough time with them, you’d realise something’s wrong.
He targets my father mainly and it’s affecting him in all areas of his life. Mentally, financially - he is being controlled in every aspect of his life.
Just today there was a dispute with someone over money because my dad is in arrears. My dad is panicky and on edge, snapping at me when I want to show support. But my dad is old school and doesn’t show his feelings. In the middle of looking for documents I saw tears in his eyes and he looked away.
My dad is a hard working man, he’s respected and loved and has been working for most of his life. He paid the bills when we were young. He bought us all the latest gadgets as we grew up. And this is what he gets.
There was an incident in which they assaulted my father and got arrested for ABH. The pain of hearing your own dad cry is something else. I felt like getting involved - like I had to fight back.
They got released the next day. My sibling also had the audacity to come back home, despite a DVPO being established for 2 weeks.
It isn’t entirely their fault though.. My parents dismiss the issue making rationalisations, hoping that they will change, or else my sibling will be homeless and become worse. Remember that my sibling has a serious disability and can’t function on their own. My sibling abuses my father financially as well as they have no job. We all have to explain ourselves to them due to their paranoia and there’s a lot of emotional abuse and controlling behaviours.
I rang emergency services again and poured my heart out to them. Telling them everything and saying I had evidence in text messages of his irrational thinking.
I got a phone call from an officer who seemed pissed off at me. I said is everything ok, and they said “you go ask him yourself”.
They deemed that my sibling had capacity and said they are ok.
You see my sibling is good at masking things but if you spent enough time with them, you’d realise something’s wrong.
He targets my father mainly and it’s affecting him in all areas of his life. Mentally, financially - he is being controlled in every aspect of his life.
Just today there was a dispute with someone over money because my dad is in arrears. My dad is panicky and on edge, snapping at me when I want to show support. But my dad is old school and doesn’t show his feelings. In the middle of looking for documents I saw tears in his eyes and he looked away.
My dad is a hard working man, he’s respected and loved and has been working for most of his life. He paid the bills when we were young. He bought us all the latest gadgets as we grew up. And this is what he gets.
I’m feeling worried and just really upset about my parents. I’m moving on to uni but the situation is unpredictable for them. I’ve tried everything. Nobody is f*ckng helping us.
I hear horrible things on the news and see how some these incidents progressed because of the neglect of mental health services.
I need your advice and support because these are tough times for me and my family.
Post edited by TheMix on
4
Comments
I also wanted to say I'm sorry the services let you down. It sounds like it was really painful not to get the type of advice, support or respect you were hoping for when taking that step in reaching out for help. I would definitely say that despite how the situation was handled by them, if you ever do feel like there is danger for yourself or any of your family members the the police and other services should definitely still be first port of call so calling 999 is the right thing to do there. We're definitely here on the boards to support you through such a hard time
I've linked a few other support services in case they are helpful for more specialised support which you might find useful:
Respect Not Fear is a website which provides information about domestic violence. They provide access to other websites and helplines for further, direct support. For more information, you can visit their website www.respectnotfear.co.uk
ManKind provides help and support to male victims of domestic abuse and violence. They provide an information, support and signposting service to men suffering from domestic abuse. Their confidential helpline is open weekdays 10am-4pm on 01823 334244. You can find out more on their website https://www.mankind.org.uk/
I know you mentioned you were moving on to university soon - do you feel like distance will be good for you personally or are you still mostly worried about that change and how it will impact the dynamic in your house?
I think it will be good and bad. I mean I’ll still worry about my family but I can move on with my life in a way
Thanks a lot