Preparing for uni

AnonymousToe

I’m starting university in a few weeks and I’m so overwhelmed. I don’t feel at all ready, there’s so much left to do. I need to…
- learn to cook basic meals
- finish shopping for stuff to take
- Revise from my A levels since I’ve been on a gap year and have forgotten everything 😭
- Pack, somehow, when there’s no space anywhere in my house to do that
- learn how to clean etc
… it doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s just terrifying to be doing everything on my own. My parents don’t teach me life skills and apparently that’s my own fault but I have no independence and in a month I’ll be living on my own. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I know I need this change and I need time away from my parents (and the house) so I can grow up a bit but it’s gonna be intense. I’m scared I won’t make any friends. I’m scared the workload will be too much. I’m scared I’ll get lonely. I’m scared I’ll be terrible at the academics. It’s just going to be so much. I’m excited to have control over my own life but I just feel like it’s all going to go horribly wrong. I’m just so overwhelmed.

Former Member

Im sorry to here you are feeling overwhelmed with how much you have to do before you start, try and remember a lot of those are a learning curve and an ongoing process throughout your time at uni ( im in my 3rd year and I still feel as though im learning to be independent and still can't cook lol ). It's easy to feel like you need to have it all sorted and be fully independent before you start but you will grow and grow in independence throughout uni it might just take time to adjust.

Also, most university courses start from the basics as not everyone will have studied a level in the subject so try and not stress about what you have forgotten as you will likely be able to build on your knowledge in the first year. I know personally I didn't study psychology before university and found the vast majority of the content was covered at beginners level.

University is a great place to make friends, especially in the first couple of weeks/ months as everyone is in the same boat and looking to make friends, there is also such a diverse group of people with lots of different interests and lots of environments to mix with people.

If there is anything you want advice or reassurance about I am here for you and will help where I can

AnonymousToe

I have so much to do. I have to apply for DSA (basically extra support because I’m autistic) but it’s really complicated and we need to ask the doctors to do stuff but they don’t understand, I’m applying months late because it all went wrong, and I’m just so overwhelmed.

Italia

Hey @AnonymousToe,

It's a big time getting ready to go to uni and how you're feeling is totally understandable - it's such a big change! It sounds like you've planned for things really well though. I left home without even thinking about needing to learn to cook and lived on pasta bake for a year you're already sounding much more prepared.

Just take one thing at a time - I think you have the right attitude towards it and that's the main thing! Don't forget Uni can be fun too (once you get through all the newness and scariness of it)

You've got this!

Former Member

Hi there @AnonymousToe

Thank you for reaching out! Going to university is definitely a big life change and adjustment, and it can be overwhelming and intense. Many people are in the same boat as you, living independently away from home for the first time, learning how to cook and clean, finding a work-life balance and managing their own accommodation and finances.

Your worries about not being able to make friends, being lonely, and being overwhelmed with the workload and academics are also common concerns among students throughout their entire time at university. So you are not alone in this. The university student support services and your personal tutor will be able to advise you and direct you to the appropriate resources if needed.

I am glad you recognise this change is needed for you, to be away from home and have the chance to embrace adulthood as well as the excitement of having more control over yourself. When you are struggling remind yourself of this, and take each hurdle as it comes. Be kind to yourself during this very big transition too, there is no wrong or right way, things happen for people at different times and in different ways, and that is okay.

Please keep us updated on how things go, we all wish you the best on this new chapter of your life!

Best wishes,
Fiona ◡̈

lunarcat522

Hi @AnonymousToe I wanted to respond to you as I'm in a very similar situation - I moved out this Thursday and I'm adjusting to living on my own. In terms of learning life skills don't be afraid to google videos of how to do things such as mopping etc or whatever you're wanting to learn - try to remember everyone starts somewhere!

Not sure if this will help but I've been taking videos as I've been learning the appliances such as how to turn on and adjust settings on things like the oven, hob, microwave, washing machines, dryers etc. I've then made a folder in my phone to refer back to whenever I need.

I also have a notebook on things to remember about my accommodation such as where they keep the food waste bags, when their weekly fire alarm testing is, instructions for the microwave, phone numbers and key contacts for maintenance etc.

I also still need to go through the DSA process so I totally get you there, if you need to you could always email student support to help you out.

I also found it useful to look at my local shops to remind myself of what foods I like so I know what to buy.

I found that it's often easier to know what you're missing when you actually get your accommodation e.g. toothbrush holder and other very specific things.

I will be honest I was pretty scared about independent living but it wasn't as bad as I thought.

I hope some of this helps, well done for reaching out! I'm sure a lot of people are in the same boat.

Make sure to keep us updated on how you get on!

eylah

how are things

pharmagirl27

Hey @AnonymousToe hope you are alright. The best piece of advice is PLAN. Make your mind clear, by first of all cleaning the surroundings around you. What I mean by this is, make sure the environment you are in is clear, so you can think and plan. Then, list out the things you need to do. Tick these off one by one- start with the easiest things, so you feel confident/happy that you are accomplishing things.
University is all about being independent, and I hope that you will begin to enjoy the journey. Do not worry, you got this! Take things slow and dont rush. Reach out to people who are in the same boat as you, and see if they can come up with solutions.

eylah

hows this going? hru? hugs 🫂.

AnonymousToe

I’m really scared. I just feel like it’s all gonna go wrong. Nobody liked me at school so I’m scared it’ll be the same at uni and I’ll just be all alone. I’m not gonna fit in at all because I don’t want to go to parties and whatever else I’m supposed to like doing at this age. Plus, I feel soooooo stupid. I don’t feel capable of getting a degree at all. I know I got the grades to get into uni but it all feels like a mistake.

The DSA stuff is at least moving forwards and we’ve bought most of what I need now. It’s just starting to get really scary because it’s September tomorrow. I’m scared. I’m excited to live my own life and be free from this house but I can’t help but think about everything that could go wrong. Nobody’s going to like me.

Gemma

Hey @AnonymousToe, just picking up on what you've shared here yesterday - it’s completely understandable to feel scared and overwhelmed right now, especially with such a big change coming up. Starting university is a huge step, and it's natural to have fears about fitting in or being able to handle the challenges. I was so scared and anxious when I first started uni. I moved 400 miles away to go to uni and I didn't know the first thing about cooking and cleaning (spoiler alert - I still don't now and have come to realise that most adults don't know what they're doing, we just kind of get through it somehow!)

I wanted to remind you that the way you feel right now doesn’t define how things will actually turn out. You got the grades and worked hard to get into university, which shows that you are more than capable. It’s okay to doubt yourself sometimes, but try to trust in your abilities - you’re stronger than you think.

As for making friends, university is full of different kinds of people with different interests. You don’t have to go to parties or do what everyone else is doing to find your group. Just for comparison, I was only 17 when I started uni (the school system is slightly different in Scotland meaning lots of my friends were 17 when starting uni!). This meant that I was actually banned from attending a lot of fresher events because they wouldn't let you in if they were serving alcohol (even if I wasn't trying to be served!!) But I found other ways to make friends through my course, joining some clubs and societies, and also through jobs! I worked part-time as a Student Ambassador and absolutely LOVED it. It was so fun, we just messed around at Open Days and got paid essentially. I'm still friends with quite a few people I met through that job. The point is that there will be others who feel just like you do, and they’ll be looking for friends who share similar interests. I think you'll be surprised at how many people you’ll meet who appreciate and like you for who you are.

The fact that you’re excited to live your own life is a sign of your readiness for this next chapter. It’s okay to be scared about the unknown, but try to balance those fears with excitement about the opportunities ahead. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s okay to ask for help or support whenever you need it. You’ve already made so much progress with the DSA stuff, and that’s a big step forward. Take things one day at a time, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve got this, and you’re going to find your place at university. It might take a little time, but trust that you’ll get there.

AnonymousToe

Thank you so much Gemma and everyone, I really appreciate it.

AnonymousToe

I really really can’t do this. My mum cares more about my sister being upset about me leaving than anything else. My sister treats me like crap. She literally gives me flashback-nightmares about my childhood bully and it makes me want to (not literally but still lol) rip my brain out. Anyway, so I told my mum how she was making me feel and now she’s shouting at me for… saying how I feel. I’m not allowed to. I’m not allowed to tell her how I feel if it entails asking her to change absolutely anything. She won’t see anyone’s perspective but her own. She acts like she’s a great mum but then she does this. It’s so confusing. I feel so alone and I really wish I had a mum to talk to and depend on. I want my teacher 😭

AnonymousToe

I’m worth nothing to them. I don’t feel like doing anything because there’s no fucking point.

eylah

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I’m worth nothing to them. I don’t feel like doing anything because there’s no fucking point.

your worth everything to us. im sry things are hard rn . you dont deserve this .

AnonymousToe

Thank you so much @eylah i appreciate you

eylah

i am here for you no matter what. you matter so so much.

AnonymousToe

I’ve got endless video call things to watch and it’s so overwhelming

AnonymousToe

There’s stuff absolutely everywhere, my mum wants to sort stationery when I’ve got so much to do today, so now I’m trying to do a million things at once, everything is going wrong and I have to get up and move everything around every few minutes because someone wants to walk through the house. I can’t deal with all this, I know it’s just pathetic but I need it all to just stop for a minute

sinead276

i'm sorry to hear you feel a bit overwhelmed with everything at the moment trying to balance all the different things you've got to do before starting.

it's absolutely not pathetic to feel this way - remember that it's more than okay to take breaks when you need them, even if they are short ones just to re-sort out everything in your head and get going again.

sending hugs and remember we're here to give as much support as we can - you've got this

eylah

hows this going toe? proud of you always will be. ❤️

AnonymousToe

I’m so utterly exhausted and I haven’t even started

toffuna101

sending hugs @AnonymousToe

Katie12

sorry to hear that you're feeling overwhelmed with it all! starting university is a lot to deal with so you are doing so well! when do you start?

AnonymousToe

My parents are driving me crazy. All they care about is having as many arguments as possible and my sister. They either refuse to let me have any independence or suddenly expect me to know everything. There’s no guidance, they either do it for me or ignore it altogether. I just need a break but it hasn’t even fucking started

eylah

im sry for what your going through rn toe im here if you need to talk your not alone.

AnonymousToe

Now that the majority of the proper adult stuff is sorted, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. I don’t want to leave, even though it’ll be good for me in a lot of ways. I hate change and I’m gonna miss everyone, even though there are bad moments with them. Worst of all is leaving my kitty friend. He’s not actually our cat but he lives nearby and he comes to us for attention. And I’m incredibly attached to him now. I feel incomplete when I haven’t seen him for a while. Now I’m not gonna see him for weeks. This is so hard 😭 it sounds like nothing but it feels unbearable

ebyrne556

Hey @AnonymousToe just checking in on you this morning firstly just wanted to say well done for sorting out all the hard adulty stuff. Its quite a overwhelming and stressful process but u did it so amazing job! Being someone who has 3 kittens I can totally empathise with how you are going to miss your little kitten friend. Its never easy leaving them behind especially when you are going somewhere new. I wonder maybe would you be able tot take some cute pictures or if you have any already maybe you could print them out and bring them with you? I know it might be hard to see him but also I was wondering if someone could maybe face time you when you are at uni and when the kitty is visiting so you can still see them?

Thinking of you and sending strength and love for this transition to uni. You got this ❤️

AnonymousToe

Hi @ebyrne556 thank you so much ❤️ I’ve printed some photos of him and I’m FaceTiming him too. I did it today and he was so confused 😭

Laura_tigger82

Hopefully, he will get more familiar with Facetime! - a bit like us with new tech it sounds

How are you doing @AnonymousToe? We are here with you and you can take up as much space as you need