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Im struggling. TW Alcohol, Scars, Eating, Suicide
Chloe234
Community Champion Posts: 3,508 Community Veteran
Honestly, im really not doing great. Ive said it a lot but this time im really not. Prom was yesterday as well as leavers day the day before which was fine but that's the end. like...its now over. its all over. Leavers day was amazing and was so fun but prom was just okay. I had a huge panic attack because it all got too much. there were too many people, too much noise, and too much emotion. I spent about 2 hours off to the side alone because I couldn't handle it. Its just made me think completely, what if I cant do this? What if I cant cope alone?
TW Alcohol
TW Scars
TW Eating
TW Suicidal thoughts
TW Alcohol
Im starting to slightly realise how often ive been drinking recently. Like im not getting drunk or anything but im still having a lot and often. Before i drank like once or twice a year for a special ocasion but now its worse. In a way i feel maybe im doing it because when i have it i feel more energetic and bubbly and actually okay. Its like im running from my problems but then im worried that itll get worse if i carry on but i dont feel i can stop having the odd drinks
TW Scars
Ive noticed that they're fading but its making me feel invalid in a way? Ive had them for over a year and i guess i've got used to them and in a way because they were there I feel it stopped me relapsing slightly because i didn't want it to get worse and i didn't want to feel uglier.
TW Eating
Its getting worse again and now the teachers aren't here to come onto me about eating i'm worried about how bad it could get again.Especially with how i'm gonna start surfing more so increasing physical activity (Altho i don't want to start surfing for that reason) and idk it just feels like i'm just going backwards in all areas.
TW Suicidal thoughts
I'm scared about what if i cant hold back on them? Its just playing on my mind so much and now there isn't an immediate reason to stay etc what if i cant hold back. Atm im trying so so hard because its my sisters birthday on Monday so it'd be selfish if i lost control and did something, as well as the fact im hosting another quiz on Tuesday and i cant ruin that for everyone and then we're going on holiday from the 6th to the 13th right before my birthday on the 14th
🦆💜🦆💜🦆
7
Comments
When you say you're concerned you won't be able to cope alone do you mean moving out?
Is there anyone you could open up to about your drinking habits? If it's really worrying you it might be worth talking to your GP but it's good that you've recognised a change in your drinking habits and the potential reason for it as that is really useful for you and maybe others to know.
Regarding the scars that's completely understandable however you're valid whether they are visible or not, your pain and experiences are still very real.
On the eating do you think the sense of accountability is useful for you? Surfing sounds like a great way to exercise in a fun way but I understand why this makes you concerned. Again it might help to reach out to your GP for specialist support or possibly some counselling sessions to help you through this.
It sounds like you're struggling with quite a few areas so I'm really thinking it would be a good idea to reach out to your GP or even just people close to you so someone knows what's going on for you. Suicidal thoughts can be very scary. Also you won't ruin anything we just want to help you as best as we can so if you feel like you need to take a break or step back no-one will feel offended and if you really were concerned about the quiz you could ask around and see if someone wants to step in.
Thoughts are just thoughts, it's just when they start to turn into a plan of action it gets really concerning so if you feel you have the ability to keep yourself safe then try not to get too overwhelmed or concerned over it. However if you feel like your thoughts are potentially going to lead to you being at risk it would definitely be advised to reach out, whether it's friends, family, teachers, or a helpline. You don't have to go into too much detail at first if the idea scares you or puts you off but the important thing is to reach out. You could say "I'm really struggling right now and need someone to talk to" or "I'm needing a distraction right now to help take my mind off things".
You're doing so well for reaching out, we all really care about you. I hope things get better for you soon but in the meantime keep us updated if you feel comfortable
I hope this somewhat helps
No sorry I should've been clearer. Now I've left school I've lost all support I had in person so now I feel like I'm alone as I can't depend on the mix because there's things I can't talk about here.
Not really. A friend/family member asked me about it last night but i pushed her off. I dont wanna cause hassle. I might just try do it where once i run out i dont get my dad to buy more but then sometimes he does without me asking. Im still in a bit of denial i guess about it because i shouldnt have a "Drinking problem" when im not even 16 yet. But its just the only way to feel okay atm. Im also worried because if this carries on i dont wanna lose the mix too. If i start having too much then i wont be allowed to come to evening chats and stuff.
I cant really go gp because i dont want dad knowing. I also was in hospital in february and was promised help but that never happened. So the same thing is likely to reoccur where im promised help they dont give.
no no! sorry aha i didnt mean it like that. I just mean i dont wanna do something selfish and let everyone down. I love hosting the quizzes.
thankyou again
Speaking from personal experience, I really do remember and understand how leaving school can be incredibly emotional, overwhelming and can trigger a sense of abandonment that you might not expect. The build up after exams to prom/ leavers day can feel so exciting and hopeful but there is such an un-spoken come-down from all of that good stuff. The relationships you build with some teachers can be incredibly strong special, and letting go can feel really hard- it's not normal to be suddenly stripped away from the support system you've had for the last 5 or 6 years- so I really am not surprised that you're feeling as if you're on your own now.
Saying that, all of us we want to be here for you as much as possible and I am hearing how some of our guidelines might feel like a barrier to support so I want to remind you that if you ever have something you want to talk about but aren't sure if it fits the guidelines, just drop us a DM and we can review it together- how does that sound?
TW Drinking
I am so proud of you for recognising this as a concern and it is really positive that you have noticed a change. As I am sure you are already aware, it sounds like you might be using it as a coping mechanism, and while it might feel good in the short term, I am worried about it making things worse in the long run. There are lots of healthy ways to manage these feelings, and we can help you explore those options if you'd like to. I have found some helpful resources for you to take a look at when you're ready, though:
There is a service called Drinkline which offers support, advice and information to anyone who is concerned about their drinking, or someone else's. Drinkline is open Monday-Friday 9am-8pm, and Saturday-Sunday 11am-4pm. To contact them from England, you can call 0300 123 1110 and for Wales it is 0808 808 2234. You can also access their webchat service on their website from 9am-2pm on weekdays. You can also email via the website at www.alcoholconcern.org.uk
We Are With You provides free, confidential online support to people experiencing issues with drugs, alcohol or mental health. They can work with you on your own goals, whether that is reducing your drug or alcohol use, stopping completely or just staying safe and healthy. They have a range of information and advice on their website if you are concerned about yourself or someone else, they have a range of local services across England and Scotland, or you can chat to someone online via their webchat which is online Monday-Friday 9am-9pm and Saturday-Sunday 10am-4pm. Their website is https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk/
TW Eating
It's completely understandable to miss the accountability you had from your teachers, Chloe. Would you be open to talking about ways to find some new support? It might feel daunting at first, but there are definitely resources out there to help you. I did a little search on the Beat website and found some support groups- most of them look like they're starting at the beginning of July and it might be super helpful for you in terms of fulling that support gap during the summer holidays? I'll link them below (they all have really nice names which is a plus!)...
SWAN - Starting July 1st
A support group for anyone who has or thinks they may have anorexia.
NEST- Starting 2nd July
A support group for anyone with an eating disorder.
KINGFISHER- Starting 3rd July
A support group for anyone who has or thinks they may have bulimia.
TW Scars
It's completely understandable to have mixed emotions as scars fade. Scars can be a reminder of difficult times, but they are also a sign of healing. The most important thing for you to remember is that you are valid, worthy, and loved no matter how visible your scars are. Your pain and lived experiences are still very real and valid. Is relapsing something you are worried about right now? I would be more than happy to explore some coping mechanisms with you if it is.
TW Suicidal Thoughts
It's amazing and kind that you're pushing so hard to hold on for things that matter to you but it sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now. Having suicidal thoughts can be incredibly scary and isolating and you deserve more support. I will include some resources below if it ever feels like the suicidal feelings are too overwhelming to cope with.
Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123. They also have a webchat option available during the day too.
We know you're our resident quizmaster, and it wouldn't be the same without you, but there would never be any pressure to host your quiz if you're not feeling up to it. If it feels like too much, please just let us know, and we can reschedule easily.
What's most important is that you're taking care of yourself. Would you consider talking to your GP soon? They can offer support and resources to help you access counselling, therapy, medication or any other types of support you need. It sounds like you are holding a lot right now Chloe, and I really do think it would be helpful for you.
This is a mega reply and a lot to take in but hopefully it helps in some way! We will always be here Chloe, and you definitely don't need to be worried about losing support from us. Remember you are capable and kind and the whole community believes in you. Sending hugs 💖
Thankyou, that all souds fine. I just dont wanna seem like a burden or anything as recently theyve been quite positive with the volunteering side off things and helping with quizzes and stuff.
And tbh some may think im overwhelming myself with volunteering but if anything im trying to use it as another thing to distract me and i get so much joy out of doing so as i always wanna try help make a difference. Even if that difference is tiny.
TW Drinking
I guess, I dont know. Im really trying to keep it not too bad but today I was out and as soon as I was home I just had to have something. Its scary how much I cant avoid it anymore but its so hard to reach out to services. I feel like im too young to have an issue with it. I think at the minute im gonna try to let them run out and then not get my dad to get anymore. I just feel so awful that ive fell onto such an unhealthy coping mechanism. It just makes me feel okay though.
TW Eating
yeah i guess. I dont feel able to reach out to Beat though. I used to use it a couple years ago but something happened so now i dont. (Dont wanna say too much here)
TW Scars
I dont know its weird. Im numb to the urges in a wayy so I dont know if i would relapse or not. at the moment im 23 days clean but its not really a struggle. But then again I feel that if my scars are gone i wont be able to get rid of the feeling of not being valid unless i do.
TW Suicidal Thoughts
Ive kinda given up with the idea of the GP. When i was in hospital in february i was promised support and follow ups which never happened. I was offered a support worker ontop of other things yet here i am with nothing now i have left school. I used to have councelling in school as well as support from safegaurding and they said to continue with it but now ive left, thats all gone.
Its all just a never ending loop that im stuck in. The college ill be going to has a really good support network but im not there till september 5th and at the rate im going im honestly woried that im not gonna get that far. I have no plans and im safe but its just so hard to predict the future ahead. I never thought i could get any worse but this has proved that i can
TW Drinking
I can hear how difficult this is for you. Please know, you're never "too young" to have an issue with drinking - it can, and does, affect people of all ages. And usually, something like alcohol can relieve pain/stress (e.g. "making you feel okay"), so addressing an underlying problem that is causing that stress is likely to help with this too. It's not uncommon to find it hard to contact services - what do you think makes it hard for you to reach out for support on this?
TW Suicidal Thoughts
I'm sorry to hear that losing support has had this impact on you, and unfortunately it's a common experience as well. It can be really frustrating when you seek and need support, and are let down repeatedly. There are other services that are available that might be helpful for the summer break before college starts - are there any that you're thinking of using? I want to reiterate - you deserve to be listened to and supported
I'm glad to hear that the college support network is good - I wonder if you could reach out to them, whether they would be able to offer you any support during the summer months? Might be a long shot, but worth a try. I hear that it's hard to know what will happen in the future - just take things one day at a time. You're stronger than you think, and you've done so well to open up about your experience with us here. Take things slowly and let us know how you're doing - we're here with you every step of the way
Sending big big hugs
Sinead
TW Drinking I guess. Idk it could just be nothing though. I mean today Ive almost got through without drinking anything at all. Its probably nothing and I feel bad making anything out of it.
TW Suicidal Thoughts No not really, the mix is all i use.
They wont be able to. Im not enrolled fully yet so im not an official student therefore they cant give support yet. They also dont know about my depression or that i was in hospital from an attempt in february so i dont wanna cause problems before i even go there.
Thank you for opening up to us about everything you've been going through.
I understand it might be difficult to try to figure out if your drinking is becoming too much without a frame of reference - however, the simple fact that it is an issue that is causing you anxiety shows that opening up about it and talking to someone about your worries might be beneficial to you.
Alcohol Change UK is an organisation for individuals and the family and friends of individuals who have a harmful drinking life. They have a range of tools on their website to help you work out whether the amount you drink is harmful, to explore the effects your drinking is having on your body and some ways that you can cut down. They also have a range of different information and various other places where you can access some more support. Their website is https://alcoholchange.org.uk/. The tool to calculate whether or not your alcohol consumption is too much is here: https://alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/interactive-tools/unit-calculator
I understand you might not want to alarm anyone in college before your enrolment, do you have any idea what type of services you might need at this moment until you're able to access support at your college?
Keep us updated and stay safe