Vent about my mum

AnonymousToe

It’s not a big deal but my parents just make me feel like crap sometimes. Everything is just so miserable. I’m pretty sure they both have depression, and it’s so hard to live with. Everything is just minimal effort, minimal joy, minimal everything. It’s just hard to be happy or look forward to anything when your parents are so pessimistic. I hate being stuck with them sometimes. I was feeling alright tonight, since most of the hugely overwhelming uni admin stuff is done. But sometimes my mum just acts like we’ve upset her or something. I’m not sure what it is, but the way she acts seems to be to get sympathy from us. It makes me feel rubbish because I hate hate hate being the one responsible for how my mum feels. I don’t understand why that’s my job. I struggle too, but it gets pushed aside because we have to deal with my mum. If not, then I’ll have to suffer because she takes everything out on me. I dont know if she means to do it, but her emotional state directly affects mine and it’s awful. She doesn’t have anyone to talk to except me. She literally talks to me about parenting my younger sister. I’m technically an adult but I’m really not in a position to deal with this. I feel so alone. My mum doesn’t really act like a mother to me anymore. I miss that so much. It affects me SO much.

sinead276

Hi @AnonymousToe - I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. It can't be easy to feel like you are responsible for the emotions of everyone else and that you feel your mum treats you more as another adult as opposed to being a mum. I can relate to how you feel especially as the older sibling in the house, so you're definitely not alone in your feelings and I'm sure there are others who can relate as well. As hard as it might be, remember that your feelings matter too and at the end of the day, it can be okay to sometimes put your emotions first, whilst still being able to support your mum too.

Remember you are not alone and you can talk to any of us on here whenever you need to.

I hope you're feeling a bit better this afternoon and sending you lots of hugs
Sinead

Azziman

Hey @AnonymousToe - I can hear how this situation is affecting your emotions. Being around people who are pessimistic all the time can affect our own emotions too, whether that's family or friends, so it's quite natural to feel how you do about this situation. I can understand that it's hard when it's your parents though, because you live together. That being said, you absolutely deserve to be heard and supported, because your wellbeing is important!

While your mum might only be able to speak to you, it's important that you give yourself some time for yourself, friends, and other hobbies/interests. Looking out for someone with poor mental wellbeing is great and kind - but it doesn't make you responsible for your mum's emotions. There's a difference between the two!

Whether it's through a counsellor, using a support service like Samaritans, or sharing your emotions here, having an outlet for yourself can be really helpful in this situation. We're here for you through this experience, so please feel free to use the boards to express yourself and share your experiences as you've done here!

issie

Hey @AnonymousToe

I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling with this. It's completely understandable that you'd feel frustrated when your mum's low mood brings yours down too. I can also imagine that it feels pretty disappointing when you finish uni work, and instead of feeling accomplished, you need to manage somebody else's emotions, especially when you are asked to parent your sister. That's a lot of responsibility for someone to cope with!

Do you feel able to talk to your mum about it or set some boundaries, especially around your younger sister? I would also echo what @Azziman has said above and make sure you are setting some time aside for the things and people that bring you happiness individually!

You're doing great

IsThisJustFantasy

@AnonymousToe it sounds like things have been stressful at home. Coping with constant pessimism can be difficult because for a number of people, this can make it hard to have hope. You aren't responsible for how your mum feels, and you deserve to treated better because as @sinead276 said your feelings matter.

It's a big achievement to have finished most of the admin stuff for uni so you should be proud of yourself.

As @Azziman explained it's important to lay aside time for doing things that make you happy. There's different ideas for spending the summer indoors e.g. reading a book, having a garden picnic or eating a favourite summer recipe among others. There's ideas for the outdoors too, and I know the internet provides ideas for indoors and outdoors.

You shouldn't be blamed for trying the best you can do in a home situation that you didn't cause.