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Felt my autistic struggles were dismissed
Creativeboy23
Posts: 329 The Mix Regular
I shared with my support worker my struggles with independent living with my autism impacting my mental health. He expressed that he felt I was doing fine. So, I felt unheard. I thought he dismissed my struggles and did not take them seriously. I felt he treated them as being unreal. The situation brought up experiences where others supported the other person’s feelings, making me invalidated, and I think they would be only focussing on him. It also reminded me of when I felt my dad and mum showed a lack of understanding of my autism when I lived with them. However, it is unlikely he intended to make me feel that way. It is possible he thought I was being modest and tried to assure me that I am doing well with my skills. I could have not appeared to him as struggling because I may have appeared as getting on fine with my independent living without realising. A past support worker told me that I come across as fine. So, people do not think I need support. Nevertheless, my feelings are still valid regardless. I would know if I am struggling. My struggles are real. It is understandable to feel upset when others do not believe your difficulties.
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You deserve to feel heard and your experience validated. It can be difficult to live independently with your autism (especially when it is also impacting your mental health).
What might help it to feel more manageable to live independently with your autism and the impact on your mental health - do you currently have people who support you with your living?
I believe you, particularly as an autistic person who shares some of these difficulties, and I am here with you
I know. I have shown great strength in opening up about my feelings and struggles.
I could ask my support worker to help me break my struggles down into manageable steps, but it is going to be difficult because he did not take my struggles seriously. My parents do not understand my autism. So, having people supporting me with independent living is a yes and no-situation. I also feel many people do not know how the autistic brain functions, which means some of us can receive neurotypical care, making it challenging for some of our needs to be met. There have been some positives too though. My support worker has helped me to develop excellent budgeting skills. I was able to build my cooking skills independently, which I could not do much when I lived with my parents.
Thank you for your support. ❤️
It was frustrating and disappointing. It left me feeling ignored, stuck in my struggles, and doubtful about them.
Thank you for being so supportive. ❤️
I'm sorry to hear they left u feeling so dismissed and unsupported, that's really annoying, no one should have to experience these feelings.
No worries, i'm happy to chat any time
Hello @Sunshine12.
Thanks for your support. I appreciate it.
How have you been feeling?
Hey!!!
No worries, any time
Hello @Sunshine12.
No worries. That is good to hear.
I have been feeling stressed. I feel pressured to conform to neurotypical standards when I am autistic. Others will usually ask what things help me to cope when I am in a mood but I struggle to know. My brain is wired differently, so how can I tell whether different coping strategies work for me? (Rhetorical question). I regulate my emotions differently. I have planned to email Autism Alliance about my autistic struggles.
I have recently struggled with my self-image and feeling personally attacked and singled out. I remember when a colleague at work said I would have probably said something when I worked an hour extra on a shift. I have been thinking about how my employment advisor made facial expressions when talking to me, which was judgemental. I remember when my old university tutor often made comments. My university mentor frequently tried to solve situations which felt like personal attacks. So, I felt everyone was against me, making me feel very isolated. I felt I was not worthy of love. I can remember when a suicidal helpline worker tried reframing feeling judged and personally attacked when experiencing another situation. It made feel weak and that I am wrong for how I felt. The bus driver said take care, and I dismissed it, feeling like I did not deserve the comment. I feel I am unheard and misunderstood when I express my feelings because others will usually tell me that my feelings are inaccurate, not acknowledging them. So, I felt invalidated.
These situations where you felt personally attacked are completely valid and it must feel very tiresome to have to deal with people who treat you in this way, but you are doing so well. And while you may feel like it's particularly rocky at the moment, things will get better.
It is good to hear you are planning to email Autism Alliance, I am sure they will come back to you with some useful information on how to best help you. I find writing my thoughts down on paper really useful because even when I'm not sure what I am feeling, I find that my pen is able to express it better.
Keep reaching out, we are here for you at the Mix and we want to help you through this
I will keep reaching out.
They came across as personally attacking me. So, I interpreted the comments and situations as personal attacks but it does not change the fact that it is still valid for me to feel that way.
I sent Autism Alliance an email yesterday.
Writing can be useful. It helps me process my emotions and get them out. I usually write my feelings down in my notepad on my smartphone.
Hello @Sunshine12.
It is annoying. I have tried the Autistic Society and the Autism group in Health Unlocked but they are not very responsive. However, I often do have WhatsApp chats and video chats with my autistic friends. So, I could share my feelings with them when keep returning.
I hope so too. That is true. I will do my best to think about the positive comments I have received but it is not always going to be easy.
It is, however, so positive you are able to recognise this and that you have autistic friends who you could share your feelings with. One thing I have found helpful is the #ActuallyAutistic community - be that social media or vlogs. Connecting with other autistic people has really helped me.
How have you been most recently?
I agree. That is good to hear.
I have not been great. I have been overwhelmed by different situations. I have made a plan to deal with them though.
Would it be helpful to talk about what has been overwhelming and your plan for coping with these at the moment?
Hello @Laura_tigger82.
I have been feeling confused about my career path. In the past, my mum, cousin, I recall, and careers advisors have told me that I cannot just look for graphic design positions; I have to be open to other opportunities. Now, I am getting told the opposite advice. A friend told me it is a shame I am not applying for graphic design positions since I have a degree. I shared with him how the comment made me feel, but I do not think he understood what I said. It has made me feel like leaving the company even though I have signed contracts and just applying for graphic design jobs and guilty for being open to other jobs. I feel like I am putting graphic design under the back burner. I have spoken to the GP and on here about this situation and was told to do the simplest thing.
Since graduating from university last summer, I have procrastinated uploading my design work to Instagram because it does not allow you to update your work once you have posted it. I doubted whether I was obligated to take design agencies' feedback on my projects. I spoke to my tutor about it, but he has not responded to my LinkedIn message. I have had issues with the Adobe applications’ requirements not matching my current laptop, although my work coach is getting a new one.
I cannot remember the other things that were overwhelming me.