How do you overcome fears and build self-confidence?

Former Member

Hello!
I have been trying to build my self-confidence, and I wondered whether anyone had any tactics on how to still go through with something even if you feel fear/anxiety (e.g. going to a job interview or giving a presentation in front of the class).

I have come up with a few methods myself that I thought I might share, but I would really like to know your experiences and wisdom too.

1. I remind myself that in my discomfort, that is normally where I grow and it is where my knowledge/skills expand. And the more that I do that thing, the more confident I can be in myself.
2. I remind myself that it doesn’t matter whether I fail or succeed. The only way that I could get good at something is if I try, and sometimes that means I have to fail initially. But the only way for me to get good as something is to show up for myself.
3. I sit outside on the ground and look at the trees and the clouds. I think of how small I am in comparison to the earth and the universe, and my worries/troubles seem to get smaller and float away with the clouds.

Thank you!!!

lunarcat522

@willowtrees I find for me planning is integral as it allows a degree of control. I've also found self care is really important before in the lead up and after the event has happened as the fear and stress can cause a lot of adrenaline and feelings of exhaustion so I try to take time doing things that help me 'recharge'. I also think it's useful to talk to people about the stressful/fear inducing event, even though it's quite a simple thing in a way it holds you accountable but you also then have a support network that you can rely on.

A good quote for some situations is feel the fear and do it anyway however I think this should be in moderation - not all levels of fear and anxiety are the same and if it's at the point where it's intolerable and debilitating it's okay to not do it all and try another day.

I think it's really important to know your limits and it's good practice to identify whether the feeling of anxiety and fear is a healthy amount and if it is common in relation to the fear inducing task/event.

It's also really important to give yourself grace and patience as being outside of your comfort zone is difficult

There's a technique in CBT referred to as a fear hierarchy where the individual lists in steps tasks that induce fear from the least fear inducing to the most in small stages. They then attempt to work through each stage from the bottom up and only move up a stage when they no longer feel much fear doing the current stage. The final stage can be anything but the idea is that the steps before lead up to it gradually. For example if doing a presentation is really fear inducing the stages might be a 1-1 conversation on a topic for 1 minute with a family member/friend. Then presenting in front of a small group (e.g. 4 people). Then presenting in front of a slightly bigger group (e.g. 10 people) with a teacher present. Then the final step is presenting in front of a full class and teacher.

It doesn't work for everyone but it's something that might be helpful.

It's a really good question you have and I'm interested to see what others suggest

Maisy

For me, the best way to ease my anxiety is to do a lot of planning and preparation. For an interview, I will research the company, what's going on in that sector, what questions might come and try to plan my answers. For a presentation, in the past, I have written a speech and literally read my speech off a bit of paper. But with some practice, I have relied more on using powerpoint slides to guide me through what I'm going to talk about so that I'm trying to present rather than just reading.

Breaking things down into smaller steps and then practicing those smaller steps to reach bigger steps is really helpful in increasing my confidence too.

Look forward to hearing from others!

anastasiahar_

Hi @willowtrees the methods you have come up with are great I think everyone has struggled with low confidence at some point in life. This is completely normal, at a point in my life when my confidence was low I would watch motivating videos on YouTube constantly. It really helped me believe in myself and diminish any negative thoughts, try watching Ted talks too to help with your presentation and breathing exercise to relieve any anxiety.