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ASD party struggles

BensonEBensonE Posts: 189 Helping Hand
in Neurodivergence
You guys I feel like will understand this better then anyone else

18th May I got a birthday party of a friend I've know for less then a year however we are extremely close due to how we met and befriended each other

However where the party is miles away from my house (I'm getting train due to it being cheaper and easier).

My biggest struggle is I know no one other then my friend that will be there and I have a feeling its a friend and family party but the thing I'm most dreading is that I know she talked about me to some of her friends and family so I am but worried that they already have a image of me in there head and I will be nothing like the image they have of me

Comments

  • BensonEBensonE Posts: 189 Helping Hand
    Plus let's not forget about the ASD thing of hating large groups of people and also have poor social skills
  • MaisyMaisy Deactivated Posts: 701 Part of The Mix Family
    I've not been to many parties so I'm not sure how relevant what I say is going to be. That said, I do understand your concerns. It's one thing to hang out one on one with a friend and have a good time, but it's another thing when it will be a group setting with the family and friends of your friend, especially if you haven't met them before.

    You seem to get on really well with your friend and it sounds like she has talked to her family and friends about you. Of course, when we haven't met someone and have only heard about them, we may think all sorts of things, which might be different from the reality. There isn't much we can do about what others might have thought about us before actually meeting us. I'm wondering if there is anything in particular that you are concerned about regarding why you feel you won't live up to this image? Sometimes we might feel anxious about what others think if there might've been some exaggeration in the stories that are told about us as when they finally meet us, they might realise you aren't who they thought you would be. But chances are, if this isn't the case, then perhaps you might have low self-esteem? It might be that you doubt yourself a lot and worry that your friend's family and other friends are expecting someone 'better' than you. If this might be the case for you, then it can help to remind yourself of how well you and your friend get on and that if your friend is really happy to be friends with you, then chances are, their family will be accepting of you too.

    Large groups can be difficult to deal with. Perhaps you can ask your friend who is going to be at their birthday party altogether for a rough idea of how many will be there. You could ask your friend to introduce you to their family/friends to see if there is anything you have in common to talk about. If they've heard a lot about you then they might be asking you questions about your interests etc. But you can also turn the conversation back on to them, ask them what they like doing. Since this is your friend's birthday party then your friend will likely be the centre of attention so that takes some pressure off you too. You could also leave the party a bit early if you realise that you are struggling to enjoy it. If you wanted, you could mention that you feel a bit overwhelmed in group situations but are happy to celebrate their birthday another time one-to-one.

    Hope this helps a bit and keep us updated!
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  • BensonEBensonE Posts: 189 Helping Hand
    My friend knows I'm asd but I don't think she realises what it is

    So I feel like they are expecting a NT young gentleman whom works with teenagers. And I'm only 2 out 3 of those things
  • MaisyMaisy Deactivated Posts: 701 Part of The Mix Family
    It can be difficult if someone knows that you have asd but might not be fully aware of what that actually means for you. That said, sometimes it's okay if people don't fully know what autism is...if they are open minded (and not judgemental) and they treat you respectfully, then any differences that occur will be just that: differences.

    This extends to your friends family too. Perhaps your friend's family don't know about autism, but that might also mean that they aren't aware of different neurotypes in general...perhaps they are simply expecting a young gentleman whom works with teenagers? :)
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  • BensonEBensonE Posts: 189 Helping Hand
    Maisy wrote: »
    It can be difficult if someone knows that you have asd but might not be fully aware of what that actually means for you. That said, sometimes it's okay if people don't fully know what autism is...if they are open minded (and not judgemental) and they treat you respectfully, then any differences that occur will be just that: differences.

    This extends to your friends family too. Perhaps your friend's family don't know about autism, but that might also mean that they aren't aware of different neurotypes in general...perhaps they are simply expecting a young gentleman whom works with teenagers? :)

    My friend has no clue what autism is and I'm her only experience of autism
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    How does this make you feel @BensonE? It sounds like having limited experience of autism may mean your friend does not understand hugely about autism :/
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  • BensonEBensonE Posts: 189 Helping Hand
    Laura_tigger82 wrote: »
    How does this make you feel @BensonE? It sounds like having limited experience of autism may mean your friend does not understand hugely about autism :/

    It makes life interesting
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