Addressing my home life

Former Member

I had a thought yesterday whilst I was eating dinner. I wasn’t at home but it made me realise a reason as to why it’s so hard to address my mums hoarding. Because she always always provides for me , she will never not be there for me and my family. If I’m coming home one night , she will ensure dinner is there. And she always has done. And so in my head I think it’s more difficult for me to think about the hoarding because she’s always done everything else (right) for me. It almost seems unfair for me to feel sorry for myself..

Sunshine12

@Aboutagirl it's totally normal to feel like this! ur clearly very grateful for your mum and what she does for u, but u shouldn't feel guilty for feeling bad about ur situation, because hoarding is something that can effect the whole family, not just the person who hoards. Your mum clearly cares for u but her hoarding isn't gonna help anyone which is why there's support available for her to get help. Sending lots of love

Azziman

Hey @Aboutagirl, you're heard. Echoing what @Sunshine12 says above, it's valid to treat these as two situations. It's fine to appreciate your mum for all she does for you, while also acknowledging that there is a problem with the hoarding, and it's valid to feel different emotions to each of these situations. How you feel isn't something to be ashamed of or suppressed - you have concerns that deserve time and space. How do you notice the hoarding effects you and your family?

AnonymousToe

Hi @Aboutagirl you’re allowed to be both grateful for what your mum can provide you and upset/annoyed etc about what she can’t. It’s really hard to live with someone who hoards.
I guess what this does show though is that your mum cares about you. I would say use that to try and get her help with the hoarding (like, “please get help, do it for me mum”) but that hasn’t worked for me so I don’t know. You’re allowed to feel bad. So sorry you’re going through this, sending hugs

Former Member

Exactly! That's the way she showed her love.
It's super painful when other parts have been neglected.
But I feel u.
Sending ❤️

Former Member

@Azziman thank you for your kind words .. I’d say it definitely affects us all in different ways. My dad has to deal with a lot since he is home the most. My younger brother has gone to uni and I am missing him. But I think he prefers it away from the house , although we never talk about it like that. I am fortunate enough to have somewhere else to go (when I sometimes just can’t take being home)but it does make coming home just as bad. I can’t do as much when I’m home , my activities are v limited and I just feel isolated.