Its all too much

JJLemon18

Hi. I really need a safe place to vent because I can barely cope with life atm...

After doing really well in the first half of my uni semester this year, it all fell apart really bad again. Last coursework I returned wasn't even 1/3 done but after staring at it for hours my brain told me I can't do it and so I gave up. I didn't understand any of it, and I was stressing too much. I just wanted to completely forget about it at that point. I am so behind in my final year project but I have barely any time left, I know I'm gonna struggle to complete it on time (yet alone get a decent grade).
This situation keeps happening again and again, and I'm sick of it. I wish I had more strength to keep going. Why do I always find things so hard to understand? Why is life so hard for me? At this rate I will always struggle in life. I don't see anything after uni, its so vast and uncertain. And I know I won't be able to manage it. I genuinely can't imagine having any job. Its scary. Its even more scary realising how old I already am...

If that wasn't tough enough, I recently found out my mum might have cancer (though unintrusive), and I just found out my dad is seriously ill too. They will both be having surgeries in the next few weeks, and its so scary. My mum has been crying literally non stop the past two days The atmosphere is shit, and my brain won't stop buzzing. I can't think and I can't concentrate on anything at all. It all feels so distant and faint, as if my brain can't even process anything. I'm so worried, about everything, including my family's health the most, they're the only people I have near in my life. I'm also really worried about my own health, it isn't great either.

I just want to live in peace, is that too much to ask...

Anyways, thanks for reading my little vent. I'm not expecting any replies or anything. I've been writing everything in my diary, but it can only help so much.

Amy22

Hey @JJLemon18 I read through your vent and I wanted to say thank you for reaching out on here. Sometimes a good vent is what we all need from time to time and I know how hard it can be venting and trying to get everything out. I'm sorry hear that both of your parents are unwell and the moment. It sounds so tough and stressful for you right now on top of trying to do your university course and final project. It sounds like you have been having a lot of unnecessary thoughts on you right now and I hope you are okay. Keep hanging in there and remember we are here for you.

Sending you a big big hug,

Amy22

ebyrne556

Hey @JJLemon18 sounds like things are rlly hard at the minute and really stressful for you. agreeing with what @Amy22 said sometimes just having a vent makes you feel a little bit better
We are here for you and sending hugs

JJLemon18

Didn't think money will also become a problem right now... everything that could literally go wrong is going wrong at literally the worst time ever! I genuinely can't do it, I can't focus on the work at all. I really will fail at this rate

AnonymousToe

Don’t panic, I’m not sure exactly how it works but you can always retake the year if you need to. That should be allowed, especially when you’ve got all this other stuff going on and that’s why you can’t do the work as you otherwise would. Big hugs🧡

JJLemon18

@AnonymousToe I AM panicking because I really don't want to have wasted this whole year and have to do it all again, but at the same time I spend hours just staring at the work and being unable to do anything. I literally can't get anything done no matter how much I want to

Why is life so hard?? Surely I'm not the only one going through such a tough situation, how do other people manage it? Why is the world so difficult for people who are struggling with stuff out of their control??

Ugh I'm feeling so dissociated and paralysed. I'm incredibly tired but I can't sleep. And all I feel like doing is lying down and staring at the celling all day...

AnonymousToe

@JJLemon18 I get what you mean. I’m currently sort of wasting a year myself, and that was definitely a stressful thought at first. But life isn’t a race, or at least it shouldn’t be. Sometimes stuff happens that isn’t ideal, and we just have to alter our plans slightly for it. If you ask anyone their life story, there will be wasted years, unexpected things, failures, etc. You don’t have to be perfect!

I suppose the other people struggling are trying to keep it hidden, and that might be why it seems like everyone is managing fine? I know it’s hard but try not to compare yourself to other people - everyone copes differently and everyone’s going through different things.

JJLemon18 wrote: »

Why is the world so difficult for people who are struggling with stuff out of their control??

Because everything is set up by, and for, people with huge advantages. I often feel like there’s no breathing room when things go wrong. It’s so rubbish.

I just wanted to notice the fact you said you did really well earlier this year - that’s amazing, and it shows that you really are capable of more than what you can do right now. I really hope the people at your uni (the tutors or whatever lol) can see that.

The future can feel really overwhelming but I suppose you just have to think of it one step at a time. I can’t imagine ever being able to get a job, but I can imagine the first baby steps towards that. Maybe try looking at it like that?

I know pretty much nothing about money, but is there any support you could look into at uni with that?

Sunshine12

@JJLemon18 hey, i'm really sorry to hear what ur going through atm, uni is so stressful and it can feel overwhelming trying to do work and meet deadlines whilst tryna balance everything else, ur doing the best u can atm and u need to give yourself more credit because its obvious u care about doing well n ur rrly trying. Ur uni might be different but do u have a personal tutor u can speak to about this? cause they can help u out and find u suitable support + help u get track of things. Sending love

JJLemon18

@AnonymousToe @Sunshine12 thank you so much you two! Just writing to let you know I've read your messages and I'll reply properly some time later, I'm currently not in the best headspace to talk, sorry 🧡

AnonymousToe

No need to apologise @JJLemon18 please take care of yourself 🧡

JJLemon18

JJLemon18 wrote: »

@AnonymousToe @Sunshine12 thank you so much you two! Just writing to let you know I've read your messages and I'll reply properly some time later, I'm currently not in the best headspace to talk, sorry 🧡

Just coming back to this (after almost a month, sorry) but I honestly don't have much to say or add here. I have spoken to my tutor many times but there isn't much more he could do, all he does is gives me advice what I can do next (for example retake the year) but thats it. It doesn't seem like there is any 'easy' way out of this situation. Everything just sucks and I wish there was a way out of it somehow, just to make things a little easier or more manageable. But there isn't and I just have to force through it and hope for the best. Ugh everything is so uncertain and scary...

I really appreciate all the support, it means a lot

amy02

Hey @JJLemon18 I hope you and also your family are doing okay, this situation must be really really stressful .

When you spoke to your tutor did they mention anything about filing for mitigating circumstances? All unis will have systems in place to help students struggling to meet coursework deadlines for various reasons. For example, when I was in a similar situation I was able to get extensions / the opportunity to re-do some work if I wanted at another time. Your parents' health concerns are understandably upsetting and your uni should be able to support you

No worries if you can't get back to this right away , we are here for you

JJLemon18

@amy02 yes yes I have applied for mit circs, many times but they always extend it two weeks, no more, no matter how serious the circumstance unfortunately and two weeks definitely isn't enough... in fact I only have 3 days left now, and a crap ton of work (and its gonna be quite busy too). I dunno how I'll manage. I really don't want to redo all this again.

Thank you

ebyrne556

Hi @JJLemon18 just popping in to say hello and also I know you said you had quite a lot of work to get done so I hope you make sure that you’re looking after yourself and getting the bounce as well cause I know how strangest things can be and you sort of push your physical health to one side so just make sure that you’re taking breaks and maybe watch some Star Wars lol
Thinking of you, take care

Sunshine12

JJLemon18 wrote: »

@amy02 yes yes I have applied for mit circs, many times but they always extend it two weeks, no more, no matter how serious the circumstance unfortunately and two weeks definitely isn't enough... in fact I only have 3 days left now, and a crap ton of work (and its gonna be quite busy too). I dunno how I'll manage. I really don't want to redo all this again.

Thank you

I'm not sure if ur uni is diff but at ours even if you've applied for extensions and the extension time has ended u can reapply for an extension after, is that something that ur uni allows?

Sunshine12

JJLemon18 wrote: »

JJLemon18 wrote: »

@AnonymousToe @Sunshine12 thank you so much you two! Just writing to let you know I've read your messages and I'll reply properly some time later, I'm currently not in the best headspace to talk, sorry 🧡

Just coming back to this (after almost a month, sorry) but I honestly don't have much to say or add here. I have spoken to my tutor many times but there isn't much more he could do, all he does is gives me advice what I can do next (for example retake the year) but thats it. It doesn't seem like there is any 'easy' way out of this situation. Everything just sucks and I wish there was a way out of it somehow, just to make things a little easier or more manageable. But there isn't and I just have to force through it and hope for the best. Ugh everything is so uncertain and scary...

I really appreciate all the support, it means a lot

Hey again, I'm sorry that there isn't more ur tutor can do, apologies if this comes of the wrong way but I think u could benefit from seeing ur GP about how ur feeling, of course all GPs are v diff in how helpful they are but there could be a reason as to why ur struggling so much with ur uni work n they could help u get help with it. I'm so sorry that ur feeling this way, have u looked at taking a year out of uni for ur mental health because it sounds like it could be beneficial for u, as uni shouldn't be causing u this much stress. Sending u lots of love

JJLemon18

Thank you so much for the replies @ebyrne556 and @Sunshine12 (if you even remember writing them I'm so sorry for the late response)

ebyrne556 wrote: »

maybe watch some Star Wars lol

Hehe thanks, I think I might do

@Sunshine12 Just to let you know I have been to my gp already and he's been weird (to say the least) but I guess he's helped a little. He said my symptoms sound very much like ADHD and autism, so I should be applying for a diagnosis soon. Will really help with the imposter syndrome of me not knowing if I'm neurodivergent haha.

Also I'm finally done with uni for now. Yayy!! It way painfully difficult and stressful, and I'm sure I screwed up most of it, but its over for now (until my summer resits). I can finally relax... but not really -_-

Anyways. I appreciate it!

Sunshine12

@JJLemon18 hah don't worry about the response! Glad to hear u went to see ur GP ye i get what u mean some of them tend to be a bit odd but as long as they're helping u and u feel comfortable with them. Hopefully u get the diagnosis u want, as i know it can rrly help u to understand why u feel how u do and it can be very reassuring! Glad to hear about u finishing uni, i've just finished for summer too wooo, serious well done for u completing it, i understand how stressful it can be, and i'm sure u did better than u think u did, we rrly are our own biggest critics!

Azziman

Hey @JJLemon18, just wanted to drop by and say well done for completing uni for now - I know you have resits coming up, but hope that you get to enjoy some well-earned rest and time off between now and then! Also good to hear that you spoke to your GP and they've provided some guidance - I know a few others who have felt that going down the diagnosis path helped them to feel less like an impostor with their neurodiversity. That being said, I should say - not having a diagnosis doesn't invalidate your feelings If you decide to go down the diagnosis route, then that's fine; and if you decide not to, then that's alright too!

JJLemon18

Thank you so much @Sunshine12 and @Azziman

And congrats on finishing uni too @Sunshine12 !!! 🥳

Sunshine12

@JJLemon18 no worries! i'm always here to chat, and thank you!!!!