My friend passed away TW

Former Member

I live in a supported accommodation.
My friend who lived there passed away.
We used to talk and play chess etc

But I couldn’t cry. Now I’m not trying to prove to you how manly I am or have some sort of bravado. I want to release my feelings but I can’t cry. I feel emotions. I was really upset. My natural response to release my emotions is DSH as I have been conditioned to do in CAHMS.
I can’t help but feel like a bad person as others were crying. I don’t want to pretend to cry and be a fake person.
Does anyone relate?

Former Member

Hi @dyoverdx sorry for your loss, it’s never easy when you lose someone you care about.

I can definitely relate to how you’re feeling, and I’m sure others can too. Sometimes we aren’t able to let out our emotions straight away and crying might even hit us at the most random times/ when you least expect it. This is normal and everyone processes things differently, some might suppress their emotions, some might feel numb for a while. It definitely doesn’t make you a bad person, just makes you human. We all deal with grief differently!

Please make sure to look after yourself during these times

sinead276

@dyoverdx - I am so sorry to hear about the loss of you're friend, I can't even imaging what that is like

Like the other person said, everyone grieves in different ways, and there is no set timeline for the behaviours we believe we are "supposed to" show and feel. Everyone reacts differently - some people cry, some get angry, some are almost in a state of shock or dont feel anything. Each of which are valid in their own way. What matters is how you process it on your own terms and deal with this loss.

Remember to keep yourself safe mentally during this time and if you cry you cry, if you dont you dont. Both are perfectly okay

Sending hugs
Sinead

Maisy

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. This must be very upsetting for you, more so if you are feeling bad that you can't cry. But you're not a bad person for not crying.

As others have said, everyone processes emotions differently. There are probably all sorts of reasons why we respond to emotions we feel the way we do. There could be all sorts of reasons you felt you couldn't cry- maybe you were in shock, or couldn't bring yourself to cry in front of others. Maybe it was a delayed reaction. Whatever the reason there really is no right or wrong way to respond. Just because others were crying, it doesn't mean that you should have cried as well. It's okay to feel upset and also not feel like crying. It's also good that you don't want to pretend cry and be fake...it might seem tempting to do that just because others are crying and we don't want to look bad, but nothing good comes of faking things. You might've ended up feeling worse because you know you were faking it.

If not being able to cry is a concern for you, is there anyone you trust that you could talk to about it? While there are many different reasons for not crying, there could be other things such as depression, trauma or effects of medication that might make crying more difficult. So it's worth talking to someone if you are concerned. But you are definitely not a bad person.

Take care during these difficult times